Hello, I am 64 years old and I had a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction with an implant 6 weeks ago. I was diagnosed first with DCIS and told that I would not need any further treatment after the operation. I was offered a mastectomy because removing the cancer would have left me with a deformed breast. It was very difficult to accept that "treatment". I felt that I was going to be mutilated and that the mastectomy was the baddie and not the cancer. Honestly, I did not know if I would have the strength to go through the operation and I even felt like going to drown myself in the sea. The future loss of my breast re-activated my grief for the loss of my son, 4 years ago and suddenly, I felt totally overwhelmed and unable to cope with my situation. I had to dig very deep inside of me to find the courage to face my situation. (I was hoping to not wake up after the operation). I meditate regularly and I think this has saved me from myself, as well as the support from my family and friends. My work has been very supportive too.
I had finally chosen to have an autologous reconstruction (using my own tissues) and I met the surgeon twice (once virtually and then face to face) but unfortunately I am too slim and I had to go through the whole process again: She had convinced me that the reconstruction is "the cherry on the cake". I had considered going flat because I had been online to look at reconstructions and all I could find were horror stories. I felt like I was going to be a female Frankenstein. So I had to meet another set of surgeons and I had to learn to trust them by seeing them twice too and asking plenty of questions in between. I was finally convinced that I would be in good hands and I am glad with the result. I don't have a nipple but it does not look horrible at all and although my right breast is droopy for now, it will be symmetrised later on, once the new breast has finally settled.
Unfortunately, since the reconstruction, I have been dealt with 2 further blows. The first one is that out of the 2 lymphatique nodes which were removed at the time of the operation, the first one was found cancerous and I was told that I would need radiotherapy. Then, when I met the oncologist, he told me that the tumour had not been tested for HER2. So it was tested and found out to be HER2 positive. I have been strongly recommended to have chemotherapy with antibodies for 6 cycles (one every 3 weeks) and then antibodies only for up to a year. This was a terrible blow and I am having to dig deep again to accept this treatment (I know I don't have to, nobody will force me). I like to go alternative and never takes medications and I must say that I am absolutely terrified of the possible side-effects of the drugs on my body. I am wondering "is it worth it?"
I know this is not the right attitude but again, I don't feel ill at all and the treatment feels like a punishment rather than a blessing. I am trying hard to change the way I feel about it. I will start chemo on the 8th January. Before the operation, I had managed to find peace and enjoyed my few days off and prepared myself well. I surprised myself by not running away from the hospital. Now I need to do the same before the chemo starts and I would welcome any tips, words of encouragement, etc...
Sorry for this long post, it helps me to share my heart out. Thanks for reading.
Dearest ,
We are all here for you if you need us, this future is a strange one to say the least.... for now we can work on getting by 'day by day' - it's the only way.
Remember, you are not alone 
Thinking of you and sending you a safe, virtual hug xx
Hey GodWilling, 
you do realise what you just said, we'll all be asking for your help now with all our aches and pains and aliments 
- we'll be opening up your open page on "Homeopathic Advice and Tips" << its has a good ring to this.
, pop onto the Awake thread the groups is great and the information, advice, support comfort gain in there is brilliant - only one condition.... it does help if you are a little loopy - its probably through all the medication we've had. Seriously thought, you will get through this, you are still in shock that you've got onto the Rollercoaster ride that you never even brought a ticket for.... you will get thought this you xx
