Can't stop crying !!

Hi Mum45,

I am at the very beginning of my journey but wanted to send you kind thoughts and support.

You must be exhausted after all you have come through. It's unfair and the weight of it all must seem unbearable at

times. I am hoping that you are being as kind to yourself as you can. Give yourself time. Take care. X

Hi Mum45,

My heart goes to you. I was diagnosed of breast cancer just before i turned 45.  These are all side effects that i suffered day in day out. I had flushes, i cld smell every single chemical in tissue paper, soap and even when my husband was cooking simple food i cld not bear the smell of it.

There were days i would cry like little child. I remember holding the white cell injection in my hand and crying my eyes out, the sickness was 100 times worst than pregancy.

If anything fell from hands, i would scream out loud in panic. To tell you the truth i still react the same.  I used to get agitated and did not have much patience with anything. 

I cld not stand any noise. Sometimes my son will be in his room murmuring, i cld hear him  loud and clear. Every inch of my body was sensitive.

You will start to feel better now and slowly your body will start adjusting to to your normal self.  Please try to relax as much as you can and you will start feeling better soon.

Are you having district nurses visiting you for herceptin. They are nice and very patient.

The most difficult part of treatment is chemo and since you finished the healing process begins now.

IonaF, don't worry everybody's experience is different. I saw some people who did not have much side effects  all will be well.

Hi mum45

i also was diagnosed with her2+ in sept 23. Feels like a lifetime ago. Chemo was brutal and I was also hospitalised after each round as I kept fainting and my blood levels dropped. Then 2 ops as I had issues after first op, then 4 weeks of radiotherapy last 5 days with extra boost. I’m still having herceptin injections every 3 weeks. 

Sometimes I also feel so lost I feel very disconnected with people around me I’m back at work and I think everyone thinks I’m ok but I’m not. I’m going to seek out some councilling. It’s traumatic what we’ve been through we can’t expect to just carry on as if nothing happened. 

look after yourself. You need to take some time for yourself. It’s hard and I don’t know about you but I don’t want to keep on about it to friends and family. Because I feel ungrateful as my prognosis is good so why don’t I feel ok. I don’t know but I think it’s normal. 

I have joined a pink ladies group near me we go out for dinner and walks which is great. Do you have anything like that near you?

take care and seek out some help. You’ve got this. 
xx

 Mum45 .....hello.

I just wanted to reassure you that I think the way you are feeling is quite normal. As Mumofthree  says the people around you have expectations that it's all over and you should feel ok but once you have had cancer, you don't find it happens that way. I know there are people who say that they had cancer and life is back to normal now but are they really being honest? I've never been sure. It's far more common to have ' down' days , to smile in public but worry in the middle of night. Especially when your treatment was so traumatic. 

That's why it's important to continue to express your feelings on a site like this. If you don't want to keep starting a new thread, try a thread like Awake. The people who post there are at all stages. Newly diagnosed, treatment just finished, years of follow up injections and scans. But the common factor is empathy. No one cares if you are crying through your post, sharing good news or simply finding a bit laughter. All are important in the mental healing process.

I suspect the feeling of doubts never really go away. Life does resume and mostly it is good  although often people feel it's time to make changes and that's ok too.

My cancer was in 2015. It will be 10 years clear in October but the understanding of how others might be feeling never leaves you. So look after yourself and stay in touch whenever you need a' virtual' ear to listen.

Mum 45, my heart goes out to you. My daughter was diagnosed in June 23 and has just come to the end of nearly two years of treatment. She's 47 now. Altogether, 22 chemo cycles, 3 surgeries and 15 sessions of radiotherapy. Brutal. Side effects horrendous, still has them now. Of course, she had to come off HRT as soon as she was diagnosed. Periods stopped and haven't (yet) restarted but she's very easily weepy and emotional. She thinks it's a lot to do with perimenopausal hormones. 

The journey doesn't seem to end when your treatment does. Just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling like this. Sending very best wishes, strength and a big hug. 

Hi Mum45 , lovely replies already from the fine folks here. Just wanted to pop in to add my support and to highlight an article that is well worth a read, especially at your stage where your treatment schedule is a bit less manic. I can’t post the link but if you Google When treatment finishes by Dr Peter Harvey it should appear. Also wanted to say that a friend who had your type of cancer (mine was ERpositive, HER2 negative) said that, contrary to what is often said, she found the radiotherapy the worst part of all. That’s when she ‘fell apart’ after having worked through chemo with time off as needed but mostly felt able to go in, and wanted to. Everyone is different but as others have said, be very kind to yourself and definitely seek support in whatever form works for you. Sending love and a big virtual hug your way, HFxx