Hi all,
I had mastectomy in 2020 followed with Chemotherapy and 18 sessions of herceptin injections. I had chemo in my right hands and had blood
clot during treatment. My right arm still hurts a lot with swelling and stiffness. Then i have my right arms giving me grief too with swelling and a painful lump keeps on appearing. I had lymph nodes taken on right side. The whole arms gives me burning pain sensation and then chest walls hurts a lot including my shoulder and back. I have days when both of my thighs where i had herceptin injections hurts so much that it feels as if i had the injections yesterday. The thighs are very painful only on the area i had the injections.
I phased returned to work and got back to full time eventually on my service manager's post. I manage cluster of staff and people we care for. Despite my health challenges i go extra miles to ensure they all looked after very well
I've cried for help but i get deaf ears. Since i got back to work i've had 3 area managers to whom i explained my health challenges but i did not get any support until now. I wish they cld understand what i go through. First area manager came, had supervision, no support no risk assessments. 2nd area manager, i remember he told me "I've not had cancer so i don't know side effects" i explained my day to day challenges. My workload did not get reviewed. 3rd Area manager, God knows how many times i said the workload is too much and i am struggling, hhmmm what i hear from her again and again "we all have a lot to do". Its like basically telling me "shut up and get on with it". I cry for help and instead she adds more work. I ask for a team leader an extra team leader as i manage a big service instead she gave team leader to another manager.
Last year i wrote an email pouring my heart out for help and asked for risk assessment to put in place as i was prescribed gabapentin to manage the pain. She did not bother replying and guess what this medication is still in my drawer. I have been made to live in pain. I even went for accupucture had few treatments and am back on waiting lust.
The amount of time i have verbally complained in front of my colleagues other service managers this year alone, do i get heard? It is a big "no".
The people i care for keeps me going and my staff team they see my struggle. I am there backbone, anytime they need me am there.
My biggest crime is that i am going to be 50 this year but i look way younger than my age. Despite of all the treatments my skin glows and i have a smiling face all the time. I support my colleagues, my staff and the people we care. I show compassion. I look perfect from outside but my body crumbles inside.
I sit in my bedroom and i have a bit of cry in the night when things drag me down. I go to church and pray for my family and the people i look after and those who comes into my thoughts. I carry my cross!
Macmillan has done a lot for me. I was the first one assigned a buddy to talk to. I was even on live radio show when first time i physically met my Macmillan buddy after days and days of talking to her. She was my guardian angel who kept me going.
I wish if Macmillan would raise awareness to employers how to treat us. I don't my suffering the pain endured from cancer treatment. I am thankful to be with my children, my husband and the people i care for. But the lack of support from work is draggingĥ down my energy level, draining me to the core and making me depressed!
I look after people in need and i like to make difference in their lives. They are my family too. I have to carry on.
Dear Swas it sounds like you have a lot to cope with and I am sorry you’re not getting the support you need from your line managers. Have you thought about escalating to the next level of management? Or talking to your HR representative?
I completely agree that some employers (and managers) have a lot to learn about living and working with cancer. Macmillan does provide a huge amount of advice and support, but employers need to be open to it. I know that many are, but there is still a long way to go. Wishing you all the best and hoping you get the support you need at work.
