What do I want to do now?

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I still feel the affects of breast cancer after all the successful active treatment stopped earlier this year, My mental wellbeing is taking a dive, I am constantly anxious, and have a low mood.  I take Vitamin D every day and B12 - this helps.  I am on universal credit for the first time in my life whilst I have this golden time to heal and do stuff I want to do!!   I have a job in the nhs but decided to have a break, this will end ... but do I want it to end?!.  This has been the best thing I have ever done, suddenly I am finding long lost hobbies I never had time for.  My predicament is do I go back to a job that scares me to death, even though I would have a phased return, I am thinking that I just won't be able to do it, with side effects of foggy brain and tiredness that is still evident in my body.  I take the Anastrozole at night time to lessen aching body and walking on pins in my feet! Back into to a busy life.  I could be part time but the job role has lost its shine. Has anyone gone through similar and thought don't worry - just take the plunge and find something different, less stressful and a little bit more joyful?

  • Hi Veej, sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I do think we spend a lot of our time at work, so if it's really making us miserable then something might have to change.   Have you considered having a chat with the lovely folks here at Macmillan.  They are great listeners and of course more independent than our friends and family, so you could give them a call on 0800 808 0000.  Wishing you the best of luck with whatever you decide. 

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  • This rings a bell with me, Veej.  I had two part-time jobs and retired from one only three days before my first breast cancer op, while I've kept the other job on.  Although the second one is something that means a lot to me, tiredness , Letrozole-induced muscle aches and the weepies can sometimes make me just not want to bother.  I can also relate to the foggy brain that strikes just when I least want it to!    Like you, I looked forward to getting back to normal after my treatment ended - this was four months ago - and to getting back to the things that matter most to me.  It's tough, isn't it?   At least on here, we can empathise with each other. 

  • Hi Veej,

    I was an NHS staff nurse and had time off during treatment - surgery ,chemo,radiotherapy rounded off by a dose of Covid.

    I probably went back to work too soon. I felt very vulnerable, everyone knew my diagnosis and I would bump into my surgeon and oncologist regularly. I stuck it out for 9 months and then decided I’d had enough.

    I took some time off and then got a job in a shop, minimum wage but I love it! I enjoy going to work and no longer have all the stress. Should have done it years ago.

    Good luck with whatever you decide. x

  • Ciao Dulciana

    Thanks for replying.  I'm glad to hear from you.  I admire your strength to return to work so soon, and giving it your best.  But it is hard when side effects happen like you say, and sometimes what was important before diagnosis doesn't seem as important anymore.  Which is why I am thinking I could do something different that would be refreshing rather than trying to be in a job that will be like retraining for me and scary! So many changes, and I am not sure it's right for me, but I worked really hard to get to that point. On a good grade.  I could easily just give it up!! What's wrong with me!!!  I love the song by Doris Day...is that all there is??? .I am very up and down.  I am futurising being back in the job, facing problems and then feeling exhausted ! Instead I know I must focus on the here and now but it's very difficult thing to do when anxiety creeps in, it's nice to know I'm not the only one to feel like this. 

    I have few more months to explore options and think about mu future carefully.  I wish to be happy and stress free, but I need money and not be tired trying to make ends meet! Qué Sera Sera!! 

  • I love this Gilliebean, thank you so much for your comment.

    I am thinking the right job is waiting for me and I just have to have courage like you!

    I am coming round to the feeling....I've done that! What's next ?! It's just my loss of confidence and fear, but it's so good to hear your experience, it does make me think there are really important things like being happy in a job that is not stressful.  

    Being light and free...xxx

  • Hi 

    • I've just gone back to work and had a six week phased return.  I started on tamoxifen just before going back to work and most days I'm completely wiped out by half one ! I work 36 hours a week and finding it hard not sure if it's the tamoxifen or just everything catching up ! If you can afford not to work and you find things you enjoy then I would say don't go back to work ! You get a new perspective on life when you've had cancer ! Good luck with whatever you decide !x 
  • Thank you for your response.....I think I would find it hard going working full time,   Are you able to reduce your hours ? Thank you for sharing  your experience.   Please be kind and gentle with your self, you need a balance ? I definitely agree with you,  my body has aged, with all these aches and pains!  And yes after going through cancer and meeting amazing individuals in the chemo community I have a new perspective on life..which is your health is top priority and don't stress over the rest. 

    Take care xx

    Remember laughter helps healing 

  • Thank you ! I may consider reducing my hours ! Will see how I get on in the next few weeks ! Hope you manage to find a balance that works for you !

  • I went back to work full time a few weeks after my radiotherapy ended. It’s been fine but I also missed my daily walks and down time. So, I’ve taken two pensions at age 55 and reduced my hours at work. It’s the best thing ever. X

  • Hello Shopping Lady

    It sounds like a very good plan! It's so good to hear that you found a balance that works for you, well done, I am full of admiration!  Its becoming clearer to me that it is REALLY IMPORTANT to take into account what makes you happiest in life and getting the balance right.  I enjoy Pilates and yoga, and I would be really sad, an angry post menopausal woman that can't benefit from HRT if I couldn't continue my classes because of work!  I did my best  at my job but I don't think my heart is in it.....I need to rethink about my work thing. I need to think about ME!  Thank you so much for sharing.  This is so inspiring! Just what I need to hear. X