Feeling Overwhelmed

HI helsbels76 

I think to be honest we have all been where you are now and the key is definitely NOT to blame yourself for anything you have done in your life.

I do hope your HER2 comes back negative on Thursday as this will make your treatment plan much better for you.

We all go through the overwhelming feelings and for those of us with lumpectormy /radiotherapy treatment plan it feels like such a relief that we didn't need chemo. that it does feel like 'getting away with it lightly' and therefore a 'bit of a fraud'.

I had ER+/PR+, grade 1 stage 2 (and grade 3 DCIS) and am a smoker (still a smoker - 7 years later), but I don't blame myself for having had breast cancer.  If that was the case then anyone who is overweight/drinks a lot/ eats rubbish food/smokes/ takes the pill etc would get cancer - and they don't!  So, first of all - stop blaming yourself.

I also found that every waking moment was taken up with thinking "I have cancer" and this was so overwhelming. When my OH was discussing his work, I just thought "so, what? I have cancer".  Gradually these feelings do reduce and now, I must admit, I often don't think about it. Will naturally think about it when I have by 3 year mammogram, but these feelings do dissipate.   I think it's something to do with having to think about our mortality and it's not something we've really had to think about before.

Your feelings are perfectly normal and it's just a case of time to allow you to get your head around your diagnosis and then dealing with each part of your treatment as it arises. The fear of the unknown / how you'll react to the treatment does cause concerns too.

The very best of luck for your results on Thursday.

Kindest wishes, Lesley

Hi Lesley,

Thank you so much for your reply.

It's such a shock hearing you have cancer and it does take up every waking thought. I'm gald to hear that these thoughts reduce with time.

I am fine when my daughter and partner are here as I tend to keep up a brave face but on the days I am alone, it all gets on top of me.

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me.

Helen.

Hi Helen

I am 46 and was diagnosed in February. Also stage 1, grade 2, ER+ and mine was HER-. My treatment plan was as you have been told - lumpectomy, radiotherapy and now Tamoxifen for 5 years. All of the treatment has been fine. The worst part of all of this has been where you are now, trying to process the diagnosis, waiting for results and treatment plans and wondering if somehow it is our fault and whether what we are feeling is right or wrong… It’s tempting to look for reasons and people do have additional risk factors, but people with none of those also get breast cancer, so please try not to go down that rabbit hole. I had a couple of sessions of MacMillan counselling which was really helpful and also kept a journal to process these feelings. I thought at the beginning of all of this that cancer would be the only thing on my mind forever, now I rarely think about it. Things really do get easier once you know what is happening and when. 

Best of luck with everything. x

Thank you so much, it is nice to hear from someone in the same position and it helps to put things into perspective.

I definitely think the waiting is the worst part as your imagination runs riot.

I am really pleased things have got easier for you and thank you again for taking the time to reply.x

Hi helsbels76,,

I had a lumpectomy nearly four months ago and lymph nodes removed, I finished my radiotherapy last week. It is a shock when you are told and it is important you take a bit of time to let it register and sink in. The feelings you have are quite normal, so don’t feel bad, you will go through guilt, anger, frustration and just wanting to scream - if that’s what you want to do, then let it out. The strides made in modern cancer medicine are amazing and can do so much for you, but there is also so much you can do for yourself.

You have made the first big step by finding the Macmillan site, also do visit your nearest Macmillan centre, a list is on here, or ring them on 0808 808 0000, they are superbly helpful and give you lots of great info, do walks, talks, help with benefits, bills, open 10-4: Mon-Fri for coffee and chat and lots more. Please also get a good support structure in place, family, friends, good work colleagues, I’ve lived on my own for nigh on forty years, but realised you can’t do this on your own. I also go for a short walk every day (British weather permitting) and do a daily diary, this is mega helpful, as it gets everything off your chest and out of your system. It is important during the day to keep yourself occupied, hobbies, interests etc., it stops you from dwelling on what is going on. You may also find it beneficial to listen to a meditation podcast, they really help you to relax especially when you are trying to get to sleep. I use one called ‘Go Gently’ by Christine Elizabeth Smith, it does a lot for me. Whatever you do, do not visit Dr Google as there is so much conflicting information, your head will spin and it will stress you out, listen to your medical team and you get great support on here.

I know it’s hard sometimes, but try and keep as positive as you possibly can, have positive people around you and dump the negativity, above all, be kind to yourself - I promise you, you will get through this. Please keep in touch with your Doctor and Breast Cancer Nurse as they will be really helpful, contact them anytime.

Always remember, you are never alone and can always come and chat to us shower in here.

Take care and big hugs.xxx

Thank you so much for responding. 

It is so helpful hearing how people have coped and their experiences, it definitely takes the feeling of being alone away.

My partner and daughter are hugely supportive but it's difficult to explain what you're feeling when someone hasn't been through it.

I will definitely take a look at the meditation podcast you suggested as I think this will help immensely.

I think it's just sunk in today that I have cancer and my feelings just became overwhelming.

Thank you again for your response and suggestions.

Take care.xxx