Feeling hopeful and grateful but a bit deflated.

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In essence this is a good news story if you click on my profile you can read it all. It’s been a whirlwind 8 months from going for my first mammogram to getting the all clear on the 5th of June. I am happy and all my friends and family are happy that I am clear of cancer. I have trouble with the fact that they think that’s it. Looking at me fully dressed I look the same (although a stone heavier - blooming Letrozole!) but my body is not the same and it’s not even the scars they do not bother me really. It’s the weight and feel of my reconstructed breast. I knew it wasn’t going to be the same but just wasn’t really prepared for this. The consultants and surgeons are delighted with how it looks. I am very symmetrical but not sure when I’ll be able to wear a proper bra again as I’m struggling to find one that’s supportive and comfortable. This is making me feel deflated. Sorry for the long post and I realise others are not in as positive position as myself but my family and friends don’t really understand. My husband tries but I can hear him sighing when I walk away. Just wanted to share to see if anyone felt the same at any point. Thanks. 

  • Hi I'm not as far along as you and so happy that you have got the all clear..I'm in my 3rd week of recovery after a double mastectomy with reconstruction and I'm sure I've got 2 bricks in here instead of 2 implants lol..my family have been very supportive and yesterday I had my post op results which were great and clear but I'm still to have chemo and then tablets..I'm the same as you I can cope with the scars it's the weird numbness I'm struggling with and the feeling of sensitive skin like when you have the flu and your skin is sore to touch..my family keep asking how I am and I just cba..I want to tell them I'm feeling sorry for myself and peed off but feel I have to not let them see that..that's y I come on here..thankyou for your post I'm sure your family mean well but nobody understands unless they have been here..wishing you all the very best..x

  • Thanks for your reply. Definitely carrying a brick, feel like I veer of to the right when I’m walking. My husband now walks on my left because I kept bumping into him. There’s definitely numbness there too, it just feels very strange. Lately I’ve just said I’m fed up or pissed off. Can’t be bothered putting a front on anymore. The consultant has taken me off the Letrozole just now to try and combat all the side effects. Going to try something else in a month. All the best with the rest of your treatment. Take care

    Jen. 

  • Hi

    I had my reconstruction in October last year and it's only very recently that it feels softer - at some angles you can see the implant shape or occasionally wrinkling.  I really underestimated how lg soft tissue injuries can take to heal.  My breast was already swollen before my op thanks to the biopsies/fine needle aspiration during my recall appointment then  lymph node removals.  My surgeonould like to replace the implant and size the other breast down as quite frankly now  they're an odd pair.  The alternative was put an implant in the other side Confused

    I'm on Tamoxifen which i only realised recently is for 2-3 years and then might be moved to Letrozole when my periods finally stop.

  • Thanks for your reply. I had a tram flap reconstruction using tissue and muscle from my stomach. That was considered to be the best option as I needed radiotherapy as well. I’m sure I’ll get used to it and I have had some conflicting opinions that it will soften eventually. I guess I’ll just need to wait and see. 
    Best wishes 

    Jen.