I wanted to write in the awake stream, but I couldn't work out how. That's how slow my brain is at the moment. Been awake since 3am now gone 5am
Diagnosed last month after scans and biopsies and then was sent of for mri. Follow up yesterday. I was expecting to hear there's more or there isn't, and this is what the plan is. Instead, I was told you need more scans and more biopsies before we can decide what to do.
This seems to have hit me worse than them telling me at the previous appointment that I had cancer... I think it's the not knowing dragging out. Plus wanting to tell my son and family, but thinking I would know what I was dealing with when I told them. I have to tell them before I know what's going on, because my son will be home from uni and it's the only time I can tell him. But he's very close to his cousins so will naturally want to talk to them. So I need to tell my mum and siblings before they hear it 2nd hand.
The ironic thing is I'm booked in for my annual Xmas fayre at our local Marie Curie Hospice tomorrow. I'm a sole trader, and my biz has always supported them (as well as dog charities... I cook for dogs with health issues & draw pawtraits).
The not knowing has left my stomach churning and my head unable to focus. Despite my head saying you're not in a worse place, it is what it is, it's great that they're checking everything to try and make the correct decision...be patient!! I'm annoyed at myself for not making my head and emotions work on the same page and letting my emotions take control of my physical (stomach churns, inability to sleep) not just mental being. Plus just so frustrated not knowing.
Im gonna write down my questions...new ones keep popping up and phone the nurse on Monday to ask. That's my way of getting some control. Biopsies should be this week. My busiest 2 weeks of planned xmas collections and deliveries. Then picking up my son on Sunday.
Switching phone off now...this isnt helping me sleep, but helps get it out of my system hopefully. Early syart on a long day 2moro.
Good night all. Xxx
Hi there, isn't it awful not being in control? I think that was one of the things I found the most difficult, I worked very hard to focus on the stuff I could control and, as a colleague put it, “put the rest in a box on a high shelf”.
I chose to tell my family, friends and colleagues from Day 1. We are all different, but that helped me to cope as I could talk more openly and be myself. I also blogged on here, that helped me get the stuff out of my head and actually now, looking back, has given me a record of my experience that I'd have simply forgotten.
I know you have questions for your nurse on Monday. Don't forget that the lovely folks here at MacMillan are around over the weekends (I always seemed to have problems in the weekends) so you can call them on 0800 808 0000. Best wishes and I really hope you get some answers and a treatment plan soon.
Ahhh...presscreply on most recent post! Thank you. That makes sense now
. I eventually fell asleep sometime after 6.30 to only have to get up at 7.30 to go to market. So less than 4hrs sleep
But actually I REALLY enjoyed the market. Lots of company and wonderful folk and busy, so didn't think about it at all. LOVED the break from having itin the background.
