18 months on... venting!

Sending you a hug. xxx

Don't forget the Awake thread. I think all the posters there share your feelings....the need to vent, anxiety, the frustration because when others try to be kind they just don't understand, the need to laugh and the value of sharing the ordinary. It's all there and if you can't get out to a group of like minded people ....or like me live a bit far from one.....a thread like Awake is there for you , night as well as day. There will almost always be someone popping onto Awake to ' listen'.

I hope all continues to go well for you. I can understand your fears but hopefully the treatment you have had will have been successful.  Mine was in 2015 but my surgeon both understood how we feel and positively advised continued vigilance. If another tumour does occur, it can be found and treated like the first so whilst we get on with living and those fears never totally leave you and have a sneaky way of creeping in during restless nights, it's good to remind ourselves that actually we are strong ( perhaps not as brave as our friends imagine?) and we can deal with whatever the future brings just as we have dealt with the past.

I wish you well and maybe see you on other threads where you can share your progress.

Love Karen

Thank you so much Karen I'll take a look over on the other thread. I've never posted before but it felt like a little weight was lifted to be able to get some feelings out in here and I'm so grateful to everyone that has replied. It's hard sometimes to maintain the positivity and it can feel so exhausting. I know we're stronger than we think... Humans in general I think are incredibly resilient!!

All the very best to you too and maybe I'll see you on here again

2021 I too was diagnosed with BC - resulting in a double mastectomy (stage 1 & 2, clear lymph nodes, endocrine treatment only.)

My problem is loss & lonliness & the overwhelming sadness I feel when I know I should be celebrating life.  My husband has prostate cancer, my dear brother has lung cancer.  I worry about losing them constantly. Each of their hospital visit turns my stomach & I worry about my own prognosis &  who will care for them if I can't.. 

I can identify with your lonliness. I've no one to talk to about it anymore. Anyone who matters went through my diagnosis & treatment with me & I just can't involve them again. They're battle fatigued, one even remarked that another ot their friends who had required a lumpectomy but  " is fine now  but she does tend to play the Cancer card'.  Is that what folk think of me when  when I have to explain the awful sweats & social anxiety I sometimes experience?   

I watched Rhod Gilbert's programme about his cancer & it's brought home a very really fear about symptoms I've been experiencing. No evidence of a neck lump but the nagging mild ache is there. I'm so scared to face this incase the whole cycle of events start again. Those nearest aren't able to cope with any further illness & I couldn't cope with the guilt of making them. 

Just writing here has helped get a  little of the constant knot of anxiety undone, I'm sorry if it's in the wrong place though.

I too have been diagnosed with BC. Your feelings of loss and lonliness and sadness sums up how I feel a lot of the time. and the constant knot of anxiety.  

Thank you for sharing Wren and sending hugs your way  I have also had people say to me (in a somewhat jokey manner) that I'm "playing the cancer card". Although it's probably not meant to be hurtful, it is because it's always there and people that haven't had the same journey just can't understand that just because you've finished treatment, doesn't mean you're fine and dandy now. I can relate to the fatigue and hope that each day we can all find the energy to keep going. Wishing you and your family all the very best x

Thank you for your original post Herebecause, it gave me the confidence to share. Thank you too for all the kind comments & reactions.  After my outpouring I decided I had to face my fear & contacted the GP.  Update is  I have a very blocked eardrum which could be causing some pain referral as there was no evidence of lymph node issues.  She also noted that my annual review by the breast clinic had been missed in July so I'm chasing up my appointment to discuss my concerns.  Thank you again, I'd locked myself into a cycle that you helped me break out of. xx

Thank you for sharing your feelings. Im sorry you are going through this. I am also struggling and your post has been so helpful to me. I was diagnosed with invasive bc in Aug 2022, finished radiotherapy in Dec 2022 and am now on Letrozole. I am 56. I lost my sister to bc in 2020 so I share your fear. I try to paint a happy face on as I don’t want to feel like a burden to my friends and family. I am shattered the majority of the time and I’m tired of people saying ‘you look tired, are you ok?’  No, Im not, not really. The Awake thread sounds good so I’m gonna have a look for it. Sending you a hug and I hope you get a bit of comfort from knowing you are not alone x

Thank you :).  Your post came through at a time of struggle.& reminded me that I'm not alone in all this.  I had Covid in December & it seems to have been the catalyst for some very black days recently.  I'll look at the Awake thread  & remember there are others going through this too. Hugs back. xxx

Herebecause:  Just checking in to say thank you again for sharing your post & opening up the conversation about the 'Big C cloud' .  Sometimes it's ever present & it's good to know that on those days there are others holding hands with you whilst it's there.  :)