Need to deal with this my way

Im really sorry this is happening for you. When I was first diagnosed I also didn't want the information to be shared by anyone but me. I felt I needed to be in control of it and didn't want to be at the mercy of other people looking at me with their sad questioning face. I couldn’t bear my own thoughts and feelings about it let alone other people’s. I too made it clear to my partner and was then furious when the information was shared with a neighbour - my anxiety went though the roof about everyone talking about it - and sure enough the flowers started arriving on my doorstep like I was dead already - aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!

Retrospectively ( 7 months later) of course I have realised that those around us need support too - and places to channel their thoughts and feelings. It’s too much for them to hold themselves. The way I dealt with it in the end was to be very clear with the people that knew of the following things:

• I may have cancer, but I am not cancer
• I want to talk about things other than cancer
• I don't want to answer a million questions
• I need not to see pained faces
• I will share if and when I am ready

It was the only way I could manage it in the early stages and interestingly after a while it became more ok for me to talk about it as long as it was on my terms.

I don’t know if this is helpful or not but i wanted to respond to say ‘yes - I know how you are feeling’. So, tomorrow is a new day. RESET and start again, meanwhile, deep breath and try and let it go so that you can sleep tonight as you will deal with it all better if you sleep.

Jan x

Oh my gosh, this is reminiscent of my situation! I didn’t want anyone to know when diagnosed, as my darling daughter was pregnant through IVF and I would tell her when I was ready. Although my hubby didn’t tell her he told my neighbour who then popped round full of commiserations…I later found out he actually broke down (extremely unusual for him) and felt he needed to talk to someone.  (my neighbour, ironically also has C)! I now realise the ‘secret’ was just too much for him to bear alone. (We never told daughter until baby was 4 mths). I know our situation is completely different and I understand you feel betrayed…I can only give you my husbands reasons why he did it. I really wish you well. Don’t let this ruin your future. You have a way to go in treatment. His support will be invaluable xx

Thank you for your reply, I know I am just going to have to work through this and I need to concentrate on me as the operation is in a couple of days. However he knows I'm a very private person and now that privacy has gone and the sympathy messages have commenced 

Thank you

Apparently I have a 'good' cancer so I wanted to sail through the best I could and get it over and done with

However now I find I am having to deal with other people's feelings and at this point it's a bit too much. 

People do care and feel devastated and helpless to offer positive words particularly if they don’t have all the relevant info. Just as an aside, I met a lady yesterday who had double mastectomy, chemo and RT, 30 years ago! She’s in the best of health today so that certainly helps give us all positivism xx

I so know how you feel ! I too was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and didn’t want to tell anyone as I don’t want to be labeled as the person with cancer and the not “normal” me. I realized that certain people had to know and yes word did spread. I also have come to realize and understand that people have different reactions to the news. 
I have my surgery next week and I am not looking forward to being the poorly person that everyone is asking about …. I hate being poorly but it is one step forward to getting back to normality on this unexpected bumpy road. X

Thank you for your reply

It's a tough thing to deal with but I believe we need to be listened to. We are a close family unit and support each other but now a couple of days before my surgery I have had to extend conversations with others and I am not ready for that. Especially my mother in law who likes to spread her religion during times of doom and gloom.....which this isn't!!

I am the same as you, detest being poorly so planning for the operation on Thursday, home the same day, rest Friday if I need to and up and about on Saturday. We shall see if my plan works.

Wishing you the best with your surgery and looking forward to normality again xx

Also wishing you all the best for Thursday, I’m next Tuesday and planning to be up and about very shortly after. Fingers crossed the plans works ️ xx

Im next Thursday - the 10th. It does kind of help to know others experiencing similar even though wouldn’t wish it on anyone! Strange paradox. I’m having a mastectomy so not expecting to be up and about so quickly - and of course anaesthetic of any type takes its time to work its way out. My breast care nurse has said make no plans and go with the flow in the early recovery stages - that way I won’t be disappointed - guess makes good sense x

Wishing you the best for the 10th and would like to thank everyone who has kindly responded to my 'scream'.

With regards to religion that I have mentioned in my post I have absolutely no issues with any religion or beliefs, so I  want to ensure I have not offended anyone. I just don't want them rammed down my throat especially 48hrs before surgery and unfortunately my mother in law uses every and any opportunity to preach 

Once again thank you to you all kind strangers for helping me, much appreciated xx