Not as Bad!

Hi SueJam

Everyone copes with joining this club in their own way, there’s no right or wrong. Of course you have fears, you’re facing the unknown and that’s generally pretty scary. Finding out about other people’s experience shows you that there is hope after diagnosis, and can give you some practical tips to help you prepare, but their experiences aren’t your experiences.

The forum is a good place to come to share, it has the advantage of anonymity, and people are generally friendly and helpful. 

To answer your questions

Why would you feel grateful for having cancer. Yes, it’s very good that it was found early, and yes, there are people who are facing a more challenging treatment plan, but that doesn’t minimise what you’re facing. I had a therapeutic mammoplasty, quite a big operation but there was very little pain. The hospital gave me painkillers as I needed them, and paracetamol did the job at home. 

No, you are not being selfish, this is your cancer and your entitled to feel how you feel

No, you are not being childish, although a diagnosis like this can bring out our inner child, I know I wished someone could come along and kiss the mental pain away.  Hopefully your emotions will settle down as you move through treatment, but if not discuss it with your breast care nurse, they’re there to help. 

Husbands. Mine is going through this journey with me, and I’d find it hard without him there. While I was having radiotherapy we found the cancer well-being centre, (literally across the road) and he went there to wait for me, have a coffee in comfortable surroundings, and had a chat with a volunteer to see if he wanted any support. He decided he didn’t, but it’s nice knowing it’s there is he changes his mind. 

Good luck and hugs

So sorry you’re here but in very good company! Fear of the unknown (and pain thresholds) are different things to different people. I couldn’t even take a splinter out of my 10 yr old nieces finger w/o her screaming the place down AND…I hadn’t even started! It’s incredible but you do ‘go with the flow’ in time as you know everything that’s happens, happens for a reason medically.. I was told to ‘relax’ on many occasions as that tightness of stress and tension in your body makes it harder to get through treatment. Think of the ‘splinter’ and know that it’s all good! Scream if you want to, discuss with family and friends. If you suffer any pain, you will be given pain killers.  You may NOT suffer anything near like you’re expecting! I really wish you an easy time if it xxxx

What you are feeling is completely natural. You can be grateful you aren't losing your breasts and that cancer was caught early as I was. But a fear of the unknown is normal. 

In terms of pain after surgery I had no pain after lumpectomy and sentinel node surgery and you should be able to get enough pain medication to stop that. If you can't control your pain then speak to your nursing team and they can help. 

This forum is a great place to ask questions and vent if you need to. So much better advice than Dr google. And don't forget the Macmillan phone line too. 

All the best for your surgery xx

Hi CarrieDecember. thank you so much for your reply - it did make me feel better about myself. I have since talked to my husband and he is very understanding and supportive and says he married me 'in sickness and in health' and he will honour that vow and not to compare us (him) with what happened to others. I am able to tell people now without crying and end up reassuring them that i will be ok! Family and friends are being great - i just need to learn to accept help as its usually me helping others. I hope your journey turns out well too. Hugs back Sue xx

showing my age, in the 90s tv show Ally Macbeal,a character asks  “Ally, what makes your problems so much bigger than everybody else’s? and she replies because “:They’re mine. perspective, problems”  as Carrie says, you are allowed to feel derailed by this. i know i am, and i reckon most everyone is, yes in the grand scheme it could be worse, but its still pretty crap and if you deny the feelings it may become insurmountable.

i have found reading others experiences similar to mine helpful and when there is something you might want to ask, these places can be helpful. i have also told people and not all people. 

glad to see some peoples worsds here have helped you already.