Survive not thrive

I'm tired now but if you ring Macmillan help line they can point you in right direction for help.  What you feeling is perfectly normal.  You are grieving your old pre cancer life.  

Hi member322

I am also struggling with life after cancer. So much of what you write here really reflects how I feel too. I am a year past chemo and surgery and coming up to a year past radiotherapy. I am beginning to realise that the whole process and experience has changed me physically and emotionally in ways that are irreversible. But that doesn't have to mean that I can't make progress. 

There is a course you can do called moving on and my local authority sports centres run a specialist programme for people who have had cancer. 

I hope you can find some things to help. Asking here is a great idea as I have learned so much from others on the same journey.

Hi, I’m with you. By co-incidence, I was reflecting on this very subject, and how my diagnosis and excellent treatment has affected me, only last night. My diagnosis was min-January 2021. Five months of chemo, a mastectomy, 15 rounds of radiotherapy and the roller coaster of scans, tests, navigating obstacles etc lasted until mid September 2021. Have since been on Anastrazole and bisphosphonates, and have had a second mastectomy for symmetry and other stuff. I have been mentally ‘fighting against the tide’ probably for a year now. I went on the moving forward course February 2022, but it was probably too early for me. I have been on another one, but that didn’t really make much difference either. This isn’t because they are not good, because they are, but for some reason they don’t push me forward. I’ve realised that the only person who can do that is me.
It is happening now, and it only started to happen when I finally accepted my diagnosis, what had happened, and the physical and mental effects on me. That took a long time. I was never in denial, but I had a problem accepting it. I’ve recently noticed that with the exception of this forum, that I no longer like discussing the fact that I’ve had breast cancer. For me, it takes me backwards again. So when kind people ask me how I am, I say ‘I’m good thank you’. They often say that I’m looking well, and that’s the end of it. I didn’t plan this change, it just sort of ‘evolved’. And that evolving has happened elsewhere. There are some things that I have had to accept … like the effects of Anastrazole on my ankle joints and the general stiffness etc. I can’t do as much as I used to without feeling ‘done in’. For example, I have an allotment, which I want to keep for my mental health and socialising. So, I accept that I have to pay for someone to do the bigger jobs, and that I can only work an hour, rather than 3 as I did before. But I now take my lunch with me, I have put up bird feeders to observe from my chair, and I stay down there, but on different terms, which I enjoy a lot, as I never had time for doing that before . I suppose I am sort of re-inventing myself. Maybe that’s an exaggerated term. Adjusting might be the right word. I used to go on coach trips for a day out, but my ankles now won’t let me wander around a town or wherever for hours. It would mean me clock watching, waiting to get the coach home, and feeling drained. So, I’ve taken advantage of the £2 maximum bus fare government scheme, and I go to places on the bus .. which I have discovered I like travelling on! Yes, the buses only run once an hour, but that’s doable. When I feel tired, then I can go home and I want to. There are other examples of where I have adjusted, and have found enjoyment, but it’s been a slow process, and it’s still going on. With each season I am subconsciously and consciously making adjustments.  I am glad to be alive, and want to do so, so the Anastrazole stays. The adjustments that have brought new rewards have helped with the realisation that I am not the same as before, because I see those as positives.. Before, I was busy, busy, busy and didnt have the time or vision to appreciate the smaller, more simple things. I have taken semi retirement (2 days work and 3 days pension now) and a big income cut, but at 61, that was on the cards anyway as I started to dislike my job years ago. But I now do 3 hours a week in a voluntary role, which I really like. Something completely different. I’ve met lots of people through this role, and the work I do has purpose. Before, I would never have had the time. 
It’s certainly has not  been easy, but I’m hoping that I’m getting there. I am hoping that the spring and summer will open up further enjoyable adjustments that I could not have done (or even thought of) before my diagnosis. What you are experiencing is very normal, but it sure isn’t pleasant. I seriously struggled in the first year. Be patient and kind with yourself. Go on some courses if it will help you. Explore some new ideas perhaps. I’m sure that other people will come on with experiences of their own too. Xx

Hello, how about local IAPT counselling services. You can also look at UKCP or BACP for reg local counsellors/psychotherapists. You can often speak to them to see how they work, if they have right experience.

x

Hi there, sorry to hear you're still struggling and it's so true that the medical professionals are (I guess understandably) less focussed once we're at this stage.

I wondered if the attached booklet from Macmillan would be interesting for you, in case you have not found this. Best wishes

Life After Cancer Treatment

https://forcecancercharity.co.uk/supporting-you/moving-forward-after-treatment/#:~:text=FORCE's%20Moving%20Forward%20Programme%20is,safety%20net%20has%20been%20removed.

Here is a link to a charity that helps people after treatment. With courses to help you move forward with living. Hope it helps. 

Hi member322 , so much of what you say resonates with me and I’m sure many of us here. You may have seen this article before but in case you haven’t….. I’ve found it really helpful and have returned to it from time to time 

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Re diet, I found a session at the Future Dreams centre in Kings Cross really helpful. I attended in person but they have online stuff as well. The dietician seemed very knowledgeable and had specialised in oncology for years. It’s free or donate what you can. 

https://futuredreams.org.uk/

I’ve also done some online stuff with the Penny Brohn centre in Bristol. Haven’t been there as am far away from Bristol but interesting online sessions and info. 
My sanity saver has been walking. I don’t always feel like it but always feel better once I’m out. 
Wishing you well and sending a big virtual hug your way, HFxx

Hello everyone,

Like many of you I have been in this since September 2021 and have been told now that I am clear, after approx 7 months of chemo, then mastectomy and radiotherapy which finished 8 weeks ago. I realise clear can change but for now I am re-building my life.

It’s so huge that we don’t give ourselves the time or space to say WOW I did it. But it is weird because we aren’t the same. But we are lucky and will get there eventually.

I tried a bit of gardening ,despite the old armpit pain, and it gave me a good feeling to think I’ve made a start.

What you have all said is so true so I shan’t try to repeat it but wish us all well in  2023.

xx

Seems a lot of us feel similarly. My get-up-and-go departed at diagnosis and has yet to return, that said a very stressful job with travelling was wearing me out as it was. Personally I feel that aside from the treatment draining me I am probably feeling the affects of being traumatised by the experience. I’ve tried all sorts of ideas how to ‘jog myself’ but feel it’s just going to take a long time and I’m not going to push myself, nor allow anyone else to ‘push me’ for that matter (my employer seemed to think I would’ve/should’ve bounced-back - I have basically said “no more give me my pension early, I’m off!” and feel content it was the right decision for me. I think we automatically go into ‘survival mode’ at diagnosis and it becomes so strong we completely forget how to switch back to thriving mode or find it hard to do so…… at least I think that’s probably what happened to me and it has taken me 3 years to work that out. My (rough) plan is some voluntary work when I’m ready, line-dancing classes, and gradually repairing my self- confidence with a lot of work on my ‘looks’, facials etc (the pension lump sum to take a hit on that one). Overall I think that having cancer is a bit like being beamed up into a ‘parallel universe’ and it can take a long time to come back down to earth. Hugs to everyone.

Good on ya !

 I’m 18 months from diagnosis, treatment done,

Just starting to have energy for doing ‘stuff’ - won’t rush - so you take it in your own way and time. I 

I like the sound of your plan. 

Enjoy the good things- we have deserved it.

xx