2022 - the gift that keeps on giving

My son was in his first year at Uni when I was diagnosed in the spring.  He missed my mastectomy (which I was hoping would be “it” with radio, but it was worse than expected) but was home for me starting and struggling with chemo.  We offered to talk to the Uni for him about exams but he preferred we didn’t and we decided to carry on life as much like normal as we could - although I got treated to a lot of scifi on Netflix with snacks on my treatment days.  I guess it will depend on their personalities how they cope and how much they ask/want to know.  He knows the counsellors at Uni are available and his godparents have gone out of their way to catch up with him and take him out and treat him like an adult - are there friends or family members who could step up and support your boys in that way?  Cinema/pizza and an listening ear.  I was there for my godson when his mum had BC but he never chose to talk about it - just enjoyed being taken out and talked to and listened to as an adult. Keep the channels of communication open but be honest too - we just don’t know how things are going to pan out. He was nervous about going back seeing the effects of chemo but I assured him we want him to lead his own life and not hold him back so we made a pact that if I was really poorly I’d ask him to come home on my side, and on his side he would come if I asked.  But I reassured him it’s really unlikely this year or next. My cancer is Grade 3 and they suspect some spread so I can’t give as much reassurance as I would like that I’ll be fine…. My husband has just been found to have raised PSA and has an MRI tomorrow so I really feel for you - what a rubbish year. 

Hi DollyP

I had to reach out to you when I read your post, I’m so sorry your family are going through this.

I have three boys aged 12, 15 and 17 with my ex-husband who was unfortunately diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2019 and subsequently died in 2020 he was 53. I am also a lung cancer specialist nurse so I knew the treatment plan, prognosis etc which was tough but helped me gently prepare the children. Normality, openness and honesty was very important.

He deteriorated and died during COVID so it was already an unsettling time for the children, the schools were very good and supportive.
My youngest had really good counselling support through school but my older two declined any sort of help through school or private counselling. They always said that they didn’t want to talk to a stranger and they preferred to talk to me and their friends. Luckily they are both involved in sport and this really helped them.

Thankfully they have all since done well at school and my eldest had fantastic GCSE grades despite everything. 

I am 43 and have just been diagnosed with extensive high grade dcis and I’m awaiting a sentinel node biopsy and a mastectomy. I’ve told my older two and so far they seem pretty level headed about it but I’m dreading telling my youngest , he is like my shadow and very sensitive so I’m going to wait for half term. 

It is bloody cruel and unfair, I feel so angry and guilty that the children have to go through this. 

Thinking of you x

Hi Jaxen

I'm so sorry you and your boys have had to go through all of this trauma. Life isn't fair, that's for sure.

Thank you for your advice. Some really useful information there xxx

Hi LabradorLover

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me and I'm so sorry you are also having such a rubbish time.

Eldest son is due to head off to Uni next year and we absolutely want our boys to carry on as normal. It's just so bloody difficult trying to keep my 'game face' on all the time and be positive.

Your advice is really appreciated xxx 

1. Yes it was actually a relief to wave him off to Uni again and let my mask slip.