Hair loss- I don’t feel like me anymore

I'm sorry. I felt exactly the same, and I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way.I tried cold capping for the first 2 cycles but it didn't work, and most of my hair fell out. I had a grade 6 shave which stopped my mouth filling with hair all night, and wore a little cap in bed to contain the hair fall. I did hide away and didn't go out, but that was easier last year because we were all in lockdown anyway. This year it's not so easy.

I bought some Buff headscarves which didn't look as "patient-ish". I didn't lose my eyebrows and eyelashes until after my 6 cycles had finished, so it didn't feel quite as bad to start with.

Check out Look Good Feel Better for some wonderful online workshops in makeup, management of hair loss, and nail care. Did you know that if you paint your nails in a dark colour for the chemo, apparently it will help to protect them from damage? I wish I had known that last year.

If it's any consolation, the wigs are really realistic. Several people remarked that they hadn't noticed mine was a wig, and when I went in to get the new wig trimmed, even my hairdresser said she didn't realise until she put her hand on my head.

You will feel better. It does get easier. Hugs.

I can so relate to this and all you are going through and how you feel about head coverings/ hair loss and how it speaks cancer at you. It is normal to grieve for what you have lost through cancer and probably quite healthy to do it. Cry if you need to do that to let your emotions out. The same happened to me. I could easily have played Friar Tuck and all because cold cap was not applied properly the first time, and not corrected. It was an acting opportunity that I did not relish the thought of at all. 

The question to continue cold cap or not is only one you can answer. If you continue, even if you continue to lose some/ all hair, it might start growing again when you change to paclitaxel (if that is on your schedule) and either way should grow back faster once chemo stops as your hair follicles will have been less affected by your chemo. On the other hand it adds time to your chemo that you may wish to avoid. You will need to protect your crown from the cold too if there is no hair, but it is doable.

I chose to stop cold capping after 2 chemos, but did already have a wig just in case. Interestingly, I changed wig after a month or so because I found the long one kept catching on the velcro on my winter coat and slipping. I now have a bob length one which sits above my collar which is perfect and does not slip at all.  Just make sure you go somewhere with wigs of good quality and variety of styles. If you are not happy, then don't compromise, go elsewhere. You should be able to get a wig voucher from your chemo unit in most areas of the UK.  I bought a lace fronted one as the cheaper ones just itch and you may not find you can wear it. My wig fitter is also a hairdresser and they are much better at matching colour with your skin tone and helping with cutting your remaining hair under your wig when hair loss happens, and cutting as your hair grows back. I am now on my second wig as each one lasts about 6 months if they are artificial fibre. The human hair wigs can last years even if worn every day but need to be styled like normal hair. They are a big investment but if you think you will continue to wig wear for 18 months after chemo it may be worth the investment. I gather many women choose to wear a wig until they can have a hairstyle they are comfortable with, so do whatever feels right to you when the time comes. We can not all feel comfortable rocking a pixie cut and that is OK if it is not you.

I am now 6 months post chemo and have about 2 inches or more of hair. I suspect that I would have a lot more if I had continued to cold cap as I would have an extra 4 months of growth (from paclitaxel and not waiting for hair growth to restart after chemo) and hair would grow at normal speed rather than a slower initial pace. I suspect I have more hair by virtue of cold capping twice. I think it will take about another 18 months from here to have a same length bob, though I plan to have a layered one first. I am growing my hair back with a kind of wedge/ graduated cut at the back whilst the sides and top are growing. Getting my hair cut under my wig makes me feel much more positive about my hair growing back and is a bit of normal that I love. This also allows me to wear my wig for as long as I feel comfortable. I wish I had known time frames at your stage as it might well have changed my decision re continuing cold cap. 

I am sorry you are feeling so sad about your hair. It is one of the hardest parts of chemo for many of us and you are not alone. There are solutions, which in an ideal world we would not have to adopt but we do have them. I actually love my wig and wear it all the time out of the house, but not for cooking indoors as wafting heat from the oven can melt the fibres, and I don't look after a BBQ outside either. Having bought a wig I like from the wig shop, I now buy the replacement from simplywigs online as it is easier and I just get the same one each time. I have tried other styles in store but end up liking the same one! I hope you find a wig that makes you feel like the beautiful woman and person that you are.

sending love and support to you x

I can totally empathise with how you’re feeling Emma. I cold capped and lost so much hair after my first two rounds of chemo. It properly thinned all the way through and I had a big bald patch around my crown. I did persevere with it despite absolutely hating it, and although I did buy myself some lovely headscarves, I only needed them for around 6-7 weeks. By the time I was on my 3rd weekly Taxol, my hair had started to grow back and had filled in all the bald bits. I finished my chemo last week and although I wouldn’t get away with having my hair down, I can scrape it back into a loose ponytail and it doesn’t look too awful.

You’re at the worst point at the moment where your hair is shedding and it feels like it’s never going to end. Hair wash days just made me feel so sick, I absolutely dreaded them. It does get easier though I promise and you’ll soon be through it. Whatever you decide, good luck with the rest of your treatment x

 Hi Emma.c

I know how you feel. I gave up cold capping after my second round of chemo, but I gave up for a different reason,  as I did not like the amount of time it added on to my treatment so I decided to take control and shaved my head and felt so much better for it, but I understand not everyone will feel the same way. I had my first wig which was very similar to my natural hair but now I'm quite addicted to them . my hair has grown back and is now about a chin length Bob but I still enjoy wearing my wigs., below are some photos of my wigs hope this helps, last photo was just after I shaved my head

carolyn x