It’s just breast cancer

Hi Dawn70, I've had this too and sometimes you just want to scream and say no its not fine, no they don't know if it's going to be OK!! I think it must be so hard for friends and family looking on and it's like they are trying to reassure themselves. I now just say something vague and change the subject.

The emotional side is really tricky. I go through phases of being ok for days at a time, getting on with my treatment and my day to day stuff. Then, usually after a couple of broken nights sleep, I go into panic mode. Worry about the future, go through my previous appointments and treatment and generally can't settle. When that happens I try to come up with something I can do to help myself so I feel back in control ,like make sure I go for a walk that day or get in the garden for some fresh air. Find something that helps you Dawn70. You probably feel better for posting your rant and getting it off your chest. This is the first time I've posted as it's not really my "thing"  however I get a lot of comfort of reading other posts and knowing that you're not the only one.

Thank you GalaQ

i do feel a bit better for my little rant. I have always been the ‘go to’ person, and I find it incredibly tricky to be the one that needs the support. My treatment is yet to start, I got my diagnosis at the beginning of August. My surgery is on 13th September. I will definitely take your advice and find something that helps me to reset. 

I do really appreciate you replying, thank you

I wish you both well with your treatment. It does become a bit easier once treatment is underway as you will feel you are doing something to help yourself. Of course your friends and families don't know what to say and in a way they're right.....so many bc cases are treated successfully but life is never the same again. They don't understand that every twinge, ache or skin bump sends us into panic mode. They don't understand that most treatments have some form of side effects many which niggle away for years. There will be down days.....the ' what if's' and sadly the constant media reports of someone whose treatment ( usually because their diagnosis was a bit late) didn't recover.

But on this site you have found a safe place. Try the Awake thread for general support. There you can rant, chat, ask questions from others who can share your situation, chat about normal things and laugh too. I think only once you have had bc can you really empathize with all the emotional up's and downs. The fact is , the threat bc has over our lives never completely disappears. Yes, we get on with living and can enjoy ' normal' days but it's good to know that at the press of a button, I have a team of virtual friends just waiting to help if I need it. I hope you can find that too.

Finally, in hope of encouraging you both, I had my cancer in 2015 and at my last mammogram in Dec 21, all was still clear.

Take care and keep in touch. Practical or emotional, someone will have shared your experience. ....

Hi Dawn; I'm a bit further along than you, otherwise I could have written your post.  I have a long-standing friend who has made me feel almost a fraud for being upset with everything that's happened. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't swap either!  Best wishes for your treatment.

Hi I completely understand where you are coming from,  when I was diagnosed with BC I was absolutely devastated,  and I kept being told your strong you will get through this ...but there were days I was so down about the journey I had in front of me I didn't feel that strong....but we all get there because we have no choice.. only everyone on here really understands what we go through,  I have found this forum so helpful knowing im not alone ... Good luck with everything , just take one dsy at a time xx

I am SO with you. I almost feel guilty mentioning it now because it is “only” BC. And I shouldn’t  complain as I don’t have to have chemo, but I am going through 20 sessions of radio. 

literally screaming inside my head. 

I AM NOT STRONG

I DONT WANT TO FIGHT THIS (or anything else) and anyway HOW do I fight it?? 

DONT TELL ME I’LL BE FINE (unless you are an oncologist)

I’ve got to the point where I don’t even mention it.

hope you are ok, and getting throught it. It is rubbish and it isn’t fair, and it’s ok to be annoyed/ upset / rant-like about it.

love and luck to you x 

I am suddenly the bravest person anyone knows. Seriously. Brave would be having a choice and choosing something that Involved sacrifice but brought a benefit. I have no choice and there’s no upside to cancer.  And I’m not brave at all just putting on a mask so they feel better.  Special place in hell for those who say “you’ve got such a pretty face it doesn’t matter” as my hair falls out.  And extra hot place for those who suggest I should learn another language with all the “free time” I have now I’ve been signed off….  Rant away everyone!! 

Oh and on “at least they caught it early” which I even had from my GP who hadn’t read the notes properly - actually they didn’t and I have never told you they did but if it makes you feel better just generalise away…,

I had that one too- mine has been caught early and I was told to be grateful. But I don’t feel grateful to have breast cancer when on maternity leave or for needing a double mastectomy or possible chemo or radio. People are so careless with their words. They don’t realise that’s what goes round in your head at 2am when you can’t sleep 

Have a read of this thread. I'm sure people mean well but they don't realise the effects the words have that comes out their mouth.

community.macmillan.org.uk/.../starting-to-avoid-people-because-of-the-silly-things-they-say