Guilt about diagnosis

Hi, you aren’t abnormal. You are a caring, responsible and empathetic young woman. That is a lovely thing. What has happened could happen to anyone, at any age, and in various health issue guises. At the moment it is your turn. In a week, month, year, decade, it might be someone else’s turn, and you will be there for them. I’m sure they will all be there for you now, but they have had a shock, particularly as you are so young. Try to let the dust settle a little, go with the flow of your treatment plan. But please do not feel guilty, and particularly about work. Do look after yourself, eat healthily and regularly  (esp if you are going on chemo), rest when you need it, and if you can, walk a little everyday if you feel it helps. These things will help you with your treatment, and are part of your treatment plan really, take care of yourself xx

Hi Sam, I am still waiting to find out what type of breast cancer I am dealing with so I’m in the limbo stage behind you. I do feel an overwhelming guilt that this is something my family and friends are going to have to come to terms with. Unfortunately, for me I am still thinking the worse case scenario and how my little boy and everyone else is going to handle this turmoil. Like you, I am usually the ‘rock’ of the family. My advice would be to lean on people as and when you need, it’s their turn now to be there for you and they also need to be there for each other, so you don’t feel the need to be there for anyone but yourself. You need to concentrate on you (for now) and beat this!!! 

Hi SamPa

Welcome to the forum and sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  There is no right or wrong way to feel when you get a cancer diagnosis.  

Wishing you the best of luck with your treatment.

Best wishes

Daisy53

No need for guilt.  Your mother has reacted like any mother of an injured or sick child.  She'll be thinking why not me.  In a heartbeat she thinks she would take your place .  But we are where we are.  It's not your job to make her or anyone else feel better about your diagnosis.  It's a set back in life's journey but treatment so effective now it's a few hurdles to climb over.  Just talk practicalities with her so she feels she's doing something helpful & useful.  Talk about how at different stages of treatment you might need her help with food, lifts or just a break from cancer talk.  Tell her there might be times where you just want to shut everyone out while you get your head around things so tell her don't be offended.  This forum always here to listen to the things you don't want to talk to your family about.  No silly thought, question or down day here.  We get it xx

Hi DS38, sounds like you're very similar to me, it's hard putting yourself first when you're not used to it isn't it. Always wanting to be strong for others whilst they tell you that you don't have to be. When I'm on my own and letting myself get upset there's this nagging thought of 'just pull yourself together.' Maybe it's the whole British stiff upper-lip thing, i don't know but it's not easy changing your mind set. Sincerely hope you get through this, we can both do it! :)

Hi Carol,

Thank you, it's very hard seeing your parents upset. My Dad doesn't really do emotion but the upset was clear so that was also hard. If it had been Mum instead of me or my partner or any family or close friend, I'd have been thinking that I wish I could take it away.