Secondary breast cancer diagnosis

Hi Wuze, so sorry, I can't offer any relevant advice but there is a secondary breast cancer part of this site where you might find you get some very relevant answers, I tried to find the link for you but my computer skills let me down.  Love from Ann

So sorry to hear of your progression and hope they have a good treatment plan for you. All the best. 

When I was first diagnosed, I was told I had mets on the lungs. My prognosis at the time was not great. The first thing I did was stop. Told only one person -- my partner -- and decided to find out everything I could about it, before anyone else was told anything. My partner and I then decided to only tell very immediate family, meaning the children, and even then only tell them what they needed to know. So we omitted the prognosis, for instance, because that was not actual data, rather a "best guess" by the doctors. My partner then took it upon himself to be the "front man" for all questions and queries, so that I did not have to deal with it. 

When searching for information, I was very mindful that not all sources are reliable. I limited myself to the websites of universities or acredited institutions, and when in doubt, I checked with my oncologist, who was happy to refer me further. 

Another thing I did was start to make sure that if the worst did happen, things were prepared. I made a list of all of my passwords, for instance, that would be immediately needed, and one trusted person was told how to access that list. Stuff like that. Along with that, I made a decision I was going to fight with everything I had, for longevity. 

I kept the circle of people hwo knew very small, even my siblings were not told, it really was only the children and one other person who could be counted on not to gossip. 

I then looked for distractions. Short clips on YouTube that made me forget, even for a few minutes. It helped.

(In the end, after nearly a year, it turned out the things on my lungs were not breast cancer mets, which changed the picture completely.)

The forum that farmerann was talking about can be found here. 

I hope some of the above can be adapted in a way that may work for you, and that the counselling via Macmillan and BUPA helps.

Thank you for the kind reply . I’m having some better days but the waiting for radiotherapy to start & my next oncologist appointment is hard. . 

Yeah. I too find waiting periods the worst.

By the way, one of the reasons I did not tell many people (even now, not many people know of my situation) is that I did not want to have to deal with people's reactions or with their distress at my news. I felt I had enough to deal with already. It really had to be about me at that time, not about other people.