Such a surprise

There is no right or wrong way to feel and there's no point in over-analysing how you're feeling because you could have any feelings at any time, and all them would be appropriate.

I was fairly upbeat throughout treatment - my worst part was the first week waiting for the biopsy results to understand what type of cancer it was, and then the absolute worst time of all was waiting the 2 weeks for CT scan results to check it hadn't spread before they decided what type of chemo I was getting. That was the absolute worst 2 weeks of my life.

A lot of people find that once they have their full treatment plan, that they just get on with it all.

It hit me a lot more once I was through my main treatment and had got over the elation of being OK and on the road to recovery. All the other changes hit me then also (hormone therapy for 5 years, sudden menopause, changed body, decreased energy levels) and I think I finally started processing what had happened. A lot of people find that it is only when treatment stops that it all hits them.

My only advice is not to make too many firm plans - if your wedding or half marathon are in the middle of chemo, you may not be able to do them. I wasn't doing that distance, but I was running before chemo. I was able to manage a slow, short jog from about Day 10 on EC chemo but on docetaxel, my legs were like jelly and I could barely walk 100m without being extremely breathless from low bloods. Running was completely out the question for me.

Everyone experiences treatment differently and you could easily sail through it all, but be open to the possibility that you may feel differently on different days as you start to go through your treatment and come out the other side.

It's brilliant you are running as normal now and keeping yourself as fit as possible going into the operation and subsequent treatment. One thing I found was that it was strange to feel so well when you had cancer, but the treatment for cancer can make you feel so unwell. It very much depends on your treatment plan though. I had chemo, then lumpectomy then radiotherapy and was put into a medical menopause and am now on exemestane as well. It is quite a lot for your body!

Believe me I feel exactly the same and went to all my apps alone and didn’t feel any emotion, not even when I was told I was Stage 3 BC. I had bone, CTs, mammograms, kidney check, oncology, breast surgery all alone as I didn’t want husband being emotional and seeing the effects of treatment. I feel rubbish atm due to 3 chemos but am still upbeat and always try to be optimistic!  There are of course moments when you feel low and want to cry but I’ve learnt to fight the low moods and dog walk, (if able) phone a funny friend or watch trivia on TV. I know we’re all so different and age probably has a lot to do with mental reaction.  The older you are, maybe the more philosophical you become.  This is not a guide, just my experience. I wish you well and a quick onward journey. Keep being optimistic x

Hi Pixie Glue 

I agree with Beatthebreast, there is no right or wrong way to feel, as we all deal with things in our lives differently. I was like you no emotion really, very practical in my head, I was the one consoling my parents ect. I did have a down day during the 3 rd treatment think I’d just got to the point that I’d had enough and wanted it all to end and be done with. The next day I was up and on as normal as I’m quite a positive person so I try to carry on as I would normally do, I go out every day to keep moving, don’t get me wrong it takes me a bit longer to get motivated in a morning but I get there. You will find your own way and routine, just go with the flow that your body and mind allow.

Good luck for your surgery and treatment plan, be kind to yourself️