Feels there's no end

It's not easy but it does come to.an end. I'm just recovering from no 6. I have tried various distractions from cross stitch to learning Spanish, walking  and buying stuff online. Also focusing on an end date (end of March for me) and counting the days down to that date .

The middle bit is the worst but once you are ' over the hump ' it does soon pass.

Hugs   xx

Hi Kaye,

Big hugs. I finished my chemo 6 months ago and for me, where you are now was possibly the worst point emotionally. I can't say it gets better for a while, but you DO get better at it. Honestly.

What did I do? Slept a lot. Kept out of sight, took no photos and tried not to look in the mirror. Read a lot, then realised when I re-read things that I hadn't taken much in the first time. Or the second! I started a big crochet project and listened to music. I couldn't handle the TV - too much bad news that I had no control over, and now is even worse I think. Pottered around, slowly doing laundry and a few minutes of housework here and there when I had a little energy. Watched lots of videos on YouTube about headwear, scarf-tying and makeup, then didn't have the energy to do most of them more than once. Talked a lot to my Mum on the phone. Chatted on message boards. Kept up with the everlasting appointments hassles.

Let's see. You still have your eyelashes and eyebrows, right? I didn't lose mine until 3 months after starting. Slap on that mascara and enjoy them!

Yup, that's about it. I regarded it as X months out of life as an investment for better life in the future.

You'll get there sweet pea. Concentrate on being as physically comfortable as you can, surround yourself with fun and pretty things, and hide the mirrors!

Rosey x

Oh gosh I have mine yet to come (13 Ap) and after reading others reports, I realise this is not going to be a walk-in the park. I guess no matter how much info you get you can’t predict your emotional/physical state, due to the treatment. I’m trying to keep an open mind but I know it’s going to be a hard slog. I’m sending all those who have started/halfway through/or finished, a metaphorical bouquet for your openness and honesty …

Wishing you all the best with it too. It isn't easy, but as I say to the people who tell me how strong I am when I don't feel strong at all, "what's my alternative?" We aren't going to lie down and let cancer trample all over us. We're going to come out the other side again eventually, with aches, pains and scars, changed hair and a drawer full of random medical stuff, possibly collapsed veins, tingling fingers, weird rashes that can't possibly be anything to do with the treatment because they aren't listed in the side effects  and Still Tired All The Time.

But we'll also make new friends, become experts on our own condition, and will develop patience, tolerance and empathy with others. There's always a silver lining, however teeny-weeny it appears. We will make it through. You'll get there.  

Hi Kaye

I remember feeling exactly the same during my chemo. My last chemo was at the end of December, I then had 3 weeks of radiotherapy which finished a month ago. My energy levels are just about back to normal now and I’m starting to feel more like the old me again.

It does pass x

exactly the same for me. I'm  coming up to no 4 out of 8. After cycle 1 I got a bad chest infection  which really laid me low, doc gave me ant depressants and to help me sleep, I found out on here they make you put on weight. kept telling myself ill lose it after this madness. but then I couldn't fit in my clothes and I felt like I had a moon face and that made me more depressed!   at the stage I'm at now I find I get weepy and upset for a few days after chemo but this time I've bounced back quicker. I am trying those delivery companies eg mindful chef, hello fresh , introductory offers, and I actually look forward to dinner never did before! plus I'm eating healthier,.  what you are feeling I'm sure is natural, who wouldn't feel teary now and then, this thing is huge!  you have 4 to go, so will I after next week. x

Hi all,

Just want to thank everyone for all they kind words and advice really means a lot.  This community is absolutely amazing and I don't know where I'd be without it. I'm such a get on and do things kind of person that this huge wobble threw me. Reading all your comments reminds me that it's OK to not feel OK and that it will pass. I'm going to get out tomorrow and enjoy a bit of sun whilst it's still here, again thanks ladies xx

I had a rough day today too, 6 months after the end of chemo. I have to remind myself that it's STILL OK not to be OK. The rough days are few and far between now.

Go and enjoy the sunshine, but don't forget your sunscreen - even in March, the sunshine can burn our delicate little chemo-noses! 

I've just had number 6 today. I'm so relieved as I thought I'd never get here but if I can  you can. I've taken one day at a time, one chemotherapy cycle at a time.

I found session four the hardest but from there it felt like downhill to the end. I've swung from "what am I putting myself through this for" to "I'm not letting this damned thing beat me!" 

I've found thinking forward to a time it would be ended helped. In my case in time for summer...sitting in my garden in the sun (hopefully) I'm a keen gardener so I've planned what I will do, regardless of whether I will be healed enough to carry out my plans. 

I think it's also helped that I've not dwelt on what I look like. My eyebrows and lashes are still there. My hair is still growing but I shave my head weekly because my scalp was very uncomfortable during chemotherapy. I've never doubted my hair will grow back so I've just put it from my mind. Don't mistake me, I do get times when I cry, times when it's seemed never ending, times when sessions have been delayed due to slight problems. All things must pass and so will this period for you. You will get through it. I wish you well.

Hi. I've just had no.2 of 6 chemo and feeling awful today. Having real trouble with meds given to me to control my sickness, but hoping that it will be sorted tomorrow when I give the bcn  nurse a ring tomorrow. 

It's hard to remain positive when you feel so low, isn't it? But I do feel the Bcn do listen and care, and seeing these replies are also very encouraging.

I'm also, like you both physically and emotionally shattered and can't get into anything. I think that it does help to focus on one day at a time (easier said than done, I know)..not to look too much ahead other than it will end.

I hope this helps x