Why is everyone an expert

Hi Shellac

we all know exactly what you mean so go ahead and scream! 
I hated the fact that people felt free to get in my space and cuddle me

Thought you would enjoy this thread from a few months ago some of the things said go from shocking to humorous 

community.macmillan.org.uk/.../starting-to-avoid-people-because-of-the-silly-things-they-say

Haha, I was thinking about that thread too, I still have it bookmarked! 

Several ways of dealing with that. One, explain to those friends that everyone's experience is unique and that one person's experience is not a measuring stick for another's. Two, stop sharing with these people. If you don't tell them, they have no opportunity to say stupid things in response. Three, shut them up in exactly the way you described. That, though, may lead to some drama, and you have to be prepared to not care if someone gets offended.

Thank you Margaret , I have looked at the thread gosh it is funny and sad at the same time  

Thank you for taking the time to share that i don't feel so alone now xxx

Hi Shellac, glad you feel a bit better now, it’s hard work dealing with these daft things people say, as you can tell by my rant that started that thread! I was fit to burst with frustration. It does tale off a little mid treatment and then starts in spades again when you’re reaching the ‘end’ of what people regard as your treatment. Mostly around the ‘back to normal now’! theme. Keep smiling and get your frustration out here xx

Oh ladies, the comments and topic resonated so here's my pennyworth.   Amazing isn't it how on this unasked for ride on the rollercoaster with the mixed range of emotions it brings after we've done battle with diagnosis, surgery, r/t and ongoing meds etc.etc.  that we get an insight to who exactly our genuine caring friends really are.   I appreciated the thoughtful comments while a lot were generic and seemed to be competing with each other for who knew someone that was worse off during or after bc andt was like I was stuck in the middle the 'survivor' (for now at least) while they hold centre stage with their mini dramas having never experienced it first hand!!     So after heart searching I distanced myself from anyone who was slightly 'toxic' and as Anna12345  said towards treatment end whenever that is, a few pop up again like mushrooms.   It's warm and amazing  the support found on here t y  plus humour for me is one way I can hold it together at times .     Best wishes to all incl anyone else just starting their journey for a full recovery, hugs.  xx

Hi Shellac

This is precisely why I told only my close family about my diagnosis as I knew I wouldn't have been able to refrain myself if anyone said such comments to me. I had to undergo another surgery recently (unrelated to my cancer) which my friend already knew about but when I told her my surgery date had arrived she said to me "What are you having done again? I've forgotten!" I'm still gobsmacked at her reply!

xx    

Hi Eline,  

I was diagnosed with BC on the Tuesday and the following Thursday I lost my dad suddenly   my best friend called me today and asked how my mum and dad was my reply was he's still dead  

It was hard for me not to tell anyone about my treatment because I'm a beauty therapist so had to cancel them on the run upto Christmas  I still haven't gone back to work as I feel like I just don't want to talk to anyone is that normal? 

Xxx

I'd say it's normal, yes, but also, unless someone's response is absolutely extreme, there is an overall understanding that we each respond in our own way. Some of us want to talk to everyone all the time, some of us want to talk to no one at all, and this can be about cancer or about other things. The same applies to our attitudes towards the medical side. Some want to know everything there is to know, some prefer to leave the medical side to the team and focus on their own role in keeping themselves as well as they can. Many of us here try to support each other based on what the person indicates they need, and a lot of us find that it's easier to talk to each other here than to the people around us, who may be very well intended but are not going through it themselves.

Regarding explaining things to people, if ever something happens and you feel obliged to explain, you could possibly go with, "personal emergency," without getting into details, on the professional front. On the personal front, sometimes you can get away with, "Something came up unexpectedly, I will explain later."  

I’m so sorry about your Dad, my most genuine condolences, no wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed and not wanting to talk to anyone, with your diagnosis and loosing your dad so close together you’re doing amazingly well to function, I take my hat off to you. You go with how you feel, you can’t be wrong and every response is normal, as Greycats says we’re all different. I have found myself being very insular throughout this, I’m usually very gregarious but it’s hard when you’re emotionally and physically struggling. Be kind to yourself xx