Fertility chat

Sorry no one has replied, hopefully this will bump you back up to the front page and get you some relevant answers.  Love from Ann

Hello Etna. I hope some of this may be useful, or if not, perhaps it could lead to other ideas or options.

The first thing I would look at if I were you would be whether or not I would want any children at all. If the answer to that is a "yes" or, "I am not sure but I would like to keep my options open," I would consult with the oncologist regarding the safest options. (This is because your cancer seems to be hormone-sensitive, so the fertility drugs could be contra-indicated.) It may come down to making a decision on how far you are willing to go in order to keep fertility options open, but in order to make that decision you need a clear idea of what your fertility options are and exactly what would be involved.

There is also the question of how to approach situations such as the scan you ended up not having. I would approach it from two ends. One, requesting assistance from your breast care nurse or from your mental health practitioner in arranging an appointment at the fertility clinic that would be managed in a way that would reduce stress as much as possible.    Two, I would either take someone with me who I knew I could trust to help keep stress down, or, if you have to go alone, try for simple distractions to get some attention out rather than in, such as counting how many chairs are in the waiting area, look out the window (if there is one) and spot things at a distance, look for items of certain colours, etc. Even a short walk outside might help (but let Reception know if you leave the waiting area.)  

This does help.

When I asked the clinic to the women about how drugs and how it would affect  my hormones she said I would have to ask my team.

She said during egg freezing process they would give me tomoxofen

I asked about hyper stimulation of overies she said 1 percetage risk.

My oncologist said she didn't know much about fertility.

All I have been told it's a risk getting pregnant a slight risk if I have eggs preservation.

I don't know if I need to be asking them  all different questions.

Sounds like they are sort of sending you from one to the other. Is there a key worker? For me, this is my breast care nurse, and she acts as a sort of go-between when I have questions that involve more than one discipline. If your breast care nurse is also your designated key worker, as is the case with most breast cancer patients, I would enlist her help with the purpose of consolidating all relevant information in one place, and with one person to deal with -- the nurse. Then, if the information brings on more questions, she is the one to ask, and she comes back with the answers from whatever the source is -- oncology, fertility, or elsewhere. 

If for some reason the nurse cannot or will not do this (if she is not the designated key worker) then one way around it is to ask to be referred for counseling. Not as a replacement for any counseling or treatment you are already having with regards to the PTSD, but as a way to enlist someone on your side who could arrange for you a "one-person-stop" system. That way, you won't have to figure out who to ask what, only the questions you want answers to. A professional whose specialty is counseling would see how this could help counter the build up of more stress and smooth the process. Is this something that might work?

I have a breast care nurse but I don't get to speak to her , I've phoned up for help & advice for lots of things but it's just who ever is available at the time phoned me up. I will try and phone up later or today or tomorrow, mayb say I need to speak to her.

I have been referred for therapy but that's the 16 march.

They don't make things easy, do they.... Is there a Macmillan nurse in that hospital? There is one where I am being treated, she is not there every day but she told me the days she works, and she has been very helpful on a number of issues I needed help with. I am not sure a Macmillan nurse could step in as a "one-person-stop" but she may be able to intervene, make the oncology team more aware of what you actually need from them, and sort things out so that you don't have to deal with so many people. 

Another idea has just come to mind, but only if your setup allows for something like that: is there someone, family or friend, who you trust completely and who you could ask to make these enquiries on your behalf? I have designated my partner as an "alternate me" and instructed the medical team to talk to him as if they were talking to me, if the need arises and he makes contact with them. So far this only happened once and he got full cooperation. I have a simliar opposite set up with someone else, who always starts any phone call or conversation that has to do with their own affairs, then says to the professional on the other end of the line, "I am going to pass you to GreyCats; she is going to speak on my behalf." Does this sound applicable?

I haven't been in your position but in my late 20s I underwent fertility treatment.  I wasn't ovulating at all and initially I had the tablets , Clomid & tamoxifen.  Tamoxifen caused me extremely heavy bleeding so was stopped.  I then moved onto injections.which I had to do myself each month.  It's 30  years ago now but I think it was US scan, then 7 days of injections, then US scan, then final jab to release eggs (if any).  I was very lucky and only went through this for about 5 months.  I did find it extremely stressful.  I was terrified when they said I had to inject myself but that was actually easiest part as they gave me a pen driver.   I was anxious about hyper stimulation if ovaries as they stressed risks - but as I said 30 years ago so different drugs then.  I was also told they were looking at link with increased risk of ovarian cancer.  I'll be honest, this increased risk was the reason I didn't try for a second child.  I also didn't want to waste my daughters early years focusing in trying for another baby.  

Infertility is so hard, harder than people realise.  You've had choice, opportunity etc taken from you.  Every time you see a baby it hits you.  You don't resent pregnant women or parents with new borns as you don't want their child, you want your own.  We did think if my treatment failed we would consider fostering or even adopting but didn't feel it was right step for us after we had our daughter.  That's was just our gut instinct but in a way it's sad we didn't offer our daughter a sibling(s) or offer a child in need a home.

You are feeling scared due to cancer diagnosis (I am almost 7 years on), you are scared you've missed your chance of motherhood, even if you felt it wasn't for you before, you always thought you had a chance to change your mind.  Now im guessing you don't know what you want.  I'm sorry you not getting proper support /advice with the risks or not of preserving your eggs.  If it was me and there was very low risk with just preserving eggs I would go for it.  It would give you space to determine risk of using eggs after treatment.  But you have to feel comfortable with your decision,  I know there's pressure on women to reproduce, but it's not what everyone wants.  Xxx

Update - so me being me , I found somewhere where they do IVM.

It's without the use of hormones & I've emailed company  to enquire.

IVM is a where it works with your natural cycle to collect eggs.

I'm still having periods ,they do the checks to see if your viable candidate, not sure if it's NHS funded probably not but I'm taking control.

The idea of being pumped with drugs, and having my poor follicles swell and the risk of ovarian hyperstimulation just does not sit well with me but I want the chance the hope to have a child.

It just puzzles me that I get told to stop contraceptive pill due to be hormone receptive but then they offer me the first cycle of IVF which lord knows what would happen to me & the women at the fertility  clinic who I had at consultation  had no idea about hormone & breast cancer , I just felt not in good hands atal.

Thanks for listening and helping me x