It’s not trivial!

Hi Anabrock, I certainly feel your pain and entirely agree it's definitely not trivial at all. Just hearing the words when diagnosed with breast cancer has a massive effect on you. it's so annoying when everyone thinks telling you these stories is going to make you feel better I had similar to you and wanted to scream that this is my journey and how it effects me is nothing in comparison to someone else. I'm almost 2 weeks post wide local excision and sentinel node biopsy awaiting pathology results and the wait oh it's killing me and I'm so sore still. Thinking of you, keep strong and ignore these well meaning folk with their so called advice. Live and hugs xx

That’s a good cancer to get if you’re going to get cancer

Only a cancer muggle would say this.

The wait is awful but if I’m anything to go by, they usually drop hints if things are wildly off track. I was told my WLE was unsuccessful when I woke up from anaesthetic. Everything crossed for your results.

I used to think the same way as the woman you encountered, that if you're going to get one, it is a good one to get. And in many ways that is true, if you have one of the very treatable versions and you have caught it very early.

But the truth is far more complicated. No matter what type, you still have cancer. There are still all the same worries and unknowns. And although it is not a vital organ, so it seems very simple, it is part of your identity and sexuality and there are not many other cancers with that to contend with too. I always find it odd how there are so many pictures of lumpectomy and mastectomy scars on the internet, but none if you've had a piece of liver or lung, or brain removed. There is a certain voyeurism to it.

Cancer is serious, wherever it is. We are very lucky that so much research has been put in to breast cancer that means there are so many tailored treatment options But the treatment can be brutal. And not everyone is lucky enough to have the treatment work.

I have gone for the numerous scans and endless waiting for results that you mention, then chemo, lumpectomy, rads and now 5 years of hormone therapy which included a sudden medical menopause. It is amazing how much there is out there on menopause now, but try dealing it with alongside cancer!

People are probably trying to be helpful by thinking that you will fully recover from it, but they just don't realise what it means to have cancer.

I often catch myself wondering why I'm not over it all yet and my friends and family have to point out everything I've been through, and am still going through.

Hearing you have cancer is a life-changing moment. No-one should make you feel like it should be easy.

You’re not wrong, especially menopause plus cancer. I’ve just started on Tamoxifen, and for whatever reason, physical and mental fatigue is kicking my butt. I’m like one of those fat, elderly cats that sleep 22 hours a day. I just found out that despite very infrequent periods, and being 55 years old nearly 56, I’m well pre-menopausal so this is going to be interesting.

People just searching for something positive to say.  They probably cringing about it now.

I know it's upsetting but would you rather thry say " poor you, hope you survive it".  For strangers there is no right words to say as they don't know you.

I remember almost 10 years ago and my sister be3n admitted as emergency and they had found a brain  tumour.  No type/diagnosis given but they transferred her to oncology ward.   A fellow patient comes over and asks my sister what she's in for.  My sister was so upset, she asked me if I saw the pity in the woman's face when she said.  The woman just mumbled sorry to hear that and left.  Devastating reaction for my sister to see.  Repeated a few times by nurses when she admitted to another hospital for surgery.   As a family we all tried to stay positive with her while acknowledging the severity of the situation but some friends didn't do a good job at hiding how upset they were which was very negative for my sister.  We all knew unlikely to be a good outcome but she needed our positivity without patronising her.  

It's great we have sites like this where we can rant and let off stream.  I'm glad you were able to convey the reality of your diagnosis xxx

Oh my, my jaw dropped when I read 'a bit of radiotherapy'. For me, combination of the tiredness, the journey every day for 15 sessions, they don't run to time, it was September so was warm, then the itchiness, swelling, cording, discolouration of skin and I'm only nearly 3 months since finishing. Truly said by someone who hasn't had cancer and has no idea of emotional and mental struggle. Well done for keeping your composure x

Personally I’d never ask a random stranger where they had cancer! It’s just something you don’t come out and ask like that - if people want you to know they usually tell you. I didn’t feel she was trying to be positive - I felt told off!

I like that term. I think I’d be tempted to tell then to eff off. It’s just as hard treatment as other cancers. 

They were in same hospital ward room and we're  very nosey in South Wales; it's not enough to say "I'm bad, ill & under the doctor "  

Seriously though where I'm from people will engage you in conversation in any waiting room/area , bus, train, lift and they are nosey.   It's irritating at times when you just want to keep to yourself.  My hubby was in hospital lying flat on his back due to fractured neck & back.  The man in bed next to him was deaf & his visitor asked me & hubby would we mind saying why he was there as - not many patients lying flat on back 24/7 and he was curious  .  We just smiled  and gave brief story of accident, injuries etc.  Did make us realise how hard it must have been for him as he relied on signing .