Hi Mrs J Mum, so sorry to hear your news. Welcome to the club no one actually wants to join. I guess it depends on the age of the children. Hopefully others with children will be able to advise. My son was uni age. I waited until he was home then told him factually but with the caveat that it was treatable. I've kept him up to date with treatments, outcomes etc and answered all questions honestly. My friend had younger children... Secondary school. The youngest wanted to know if she was going to die. No... Treatable. After that they were all fine with it. I think honesty is best. If your children are very young. I would stick with the facts and honesty just Adapt it to their level of understanding. Reassurance is what they need. Plus, at the right time, explain what little things they can do to help you during times you need a bit of help. It gives them purpose and helps them help you so they are part of it. Just my opinion of course. Good luck.
I don't have kids but Breast Cancer Now have some really good leaflets that you can download. The one on this link may help you and you can adapt as you want to:
I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old. I was given a story book, but I just sat each of them down separately and explained what was going on. I really think it’s best that they know as they can tell that something is going on and will only worry if they don’t know the whole story.
My 7 year old took it a lot better than my younger daughter. She’s very sensitive and doesn’t like to see anyone in any discomfort. Hair loss was the biggest thing for my oldest. They both seem fine about it though. I think being there for them is the main thing and then knowing they can always talk to you. I found my lump when my little one was leaning on me and I found out after awhile that my eldest though her sibling had therefore caused the cancer. Thank goodness I found she was thinking this and could correct her.
The first time I had breast cancer my daughter was 4 and she was quite happy with the explanation that ‘I have a naughty little lump that needs to be taken away!’ I had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy and that was enough for her. Second time around and she’s 12, I’ve told her the truth, I have cancer, its treatable but it’s going to be hard! I’m a single parent ( she does have a reasonable relationship with her dad) and I thought it was better to be honest as I could. This has worked out well because with the best will in the world they overhear convos you think they won’t and people say really stupid things even ‘you’re strong, you’ll get through this’ highlights to a kid it’s bloody serious! If you’ve been open they trust you. I’ve been able to walk away from some fool who’s just said, ‘ you’re a fighter, it’ll be fine’ and been able to say to her look, as I said, it’s all treatable, you know more than they do, that’s helped her. The one thing I didn’t labour was how aggressive my cancer is. Cancer was enough and obviously I’ve lost my hair and been visible weak so she’s needed to know things. Hope that helps x
