Daughter

Hi Lucy2014 welcome to the forum and that must be very difficult for you being so far away. I know what you mean about her always being your baby girl. I have two boys and it doesn't matter what age they are they are still your babies.

Do you have skype at all that you can chat as often as you want to over the Internet? I imagine that this is something worth thinking about for you both. In the absence of you being there its maybe as good as it can get. Just you being there for her and listening if she wants to chat and just being her Mum may be enough for her to get through this.

Sending some hugs your way for you both for now.x   

That is heartbreaking for you, but I'm sure you can still give your daughter the much-needed support. Don't underestimate the power of  listening.  Having someone she can talk to is so important.  It's not just all the normal anxieties, it's all the logistical stuff - who she's seeing, what they say, what happens next, etc.  I can't believe how patient some of my family members have been listening to this stuff.  There's so much to process and having help with that, when she wants it, will be invaluable to her.   When I got my diagnosis, I really wanted my Mum and I'm 63!.  I didn't need her right next to me, but would have loved her to be around to tell her what was happening - as you will be x

Hello Lucy2104,  I’ve not really had anyone to talk to in the way you might be able to talk to someone like your mum. Your daughter will be able to speak to you and that will make all the difference Lucy. My love to you both xxxx

Hi Lucy

I’m so sorry your daughter is having to go through this and that you can’t be there. My mum felt the same as you, as we were in lockdown when I was having treatment and she lives in Cornwall whereas I’m in Scotland. Whilst there definitely were times when it would have been lovely to have her around I think I can honestly say that for me it helped that I could talk to her over FaceTime and Zoom or WhatsApp and phone etc but that I didn’t have to cope with her fussing or having to deal with her emotions aswell as my own. I don’t know how your daughter feels but I felt it helped me to have a bit more control in a time when you don’t really have much control over what is happening and that at 52 I wasn’t having to revert to the child role! Mum was always there for a chat if I wanted it, and there were plenty of times that she listened in the middle of the night and helped me work though my worries. Thankfully technology enables us to connect so much more easily even when we can’t be together. Friends helped with dropping off meals etc and going for distanced walks and my husband and son helped too. 
I know we’re all different in how we try to cope with things and as a mum myself I can imagine how you must be feeling. If it were my son going through treatment I would want to be there for him too. However, as a daughter…I managed! My mum did her best to cry at my sister instead of me (I wanted the least fuss possible), sent me little presents and busied herself making me a beautiful quilt which was stitched with all the love she wanted to share with me. When chemo and radiotherapy were finished (6 months after surgery) I finally got to go to Cornwall and be looked after! I think I ate more homemade cake in those few weeks than in the previous two years! 
You WILL find ways to be supportive and your daughter will know that you are always there for her no matter where in the world your love is being sent from.  In the meantime, this forum will give you lots of suggestions of things you can send or do to help her through. 
Sending you both hugs through the ether,

Jx 

I am the other way around - mid-40s daughter and my mum thought she wasn't doing enough. I went through chemo last Winter and didn't want to see anyone due to risk of covid - and also feeling unwell and I needed to keep all my energy for working.

So although we are closer than the UK and Australia, we still didn't' see each other.

The emotional support I got from her was amazing, and just to be able to moan about the side effects and for her to be checking in with me most days meant a lot.

I found that just knowing people were thinking of me was a big boost. You will be more of a support to her than you think. Regular emails helped me - you don't always feel like talking!