I wanted to reach out, but now i've read your posts, i feel quite fraudulent, you are so all brave.

Hi there JJ,,   

This is all new to me, but personally I think wobbles are expected, allowed and if anyone doesnt like when I'm having one... well they best not show that to me as it will end up with more than just a wobble! I'm finding myself becoming annoyed with people saying certain things, or being over bearing when I know they are only doing what they think is going to help. 

Your certainly not spineless at all, I'm very much in the "this is scaring the hell outta me group"  and I bet everyone you think is so brave had been there also with tears, anger the lot!

I'm sorry, I dont have any other advise than to say dont be so hard on yourself!

I hope you have people around to help and support you. I,m finding it helps me to talk...well so far it does, as long as no one says anything that I consider stupid back at me, as said woe betide them if they do!  

Oh.... and know I care about you JJ, as will everyone here.

And all the best for a quick recovery from your forthcoming op. I'm certain it will go well for you, these guys are experts and do this routinely as sadly it does affect so many people , but you will be in safe hands I'm sure 

Hi Jack

There are many nights I sleep and get nightmares or I am afraid of sleeping. I downloaded this app called my sleep button which is pretty good instead of counting sheep! I put on Zen music. The more desperate I am to sleep the more I could not. 

There is so much that goes on in your head really!! You will find your emotions are all over the place. I have never cried so much ever in my life! You feel almost like you can't help it the way you feel. I am finding it hard with the good and bad days. I don't have the energy to be angry!! 

Honestly the Op isn't as bad as probably some other things. I went into it really calm as I believe this will help with my recovery. You will also have things to plan for, get your bits and pieces together, pack a bag to bring for the day or overnight stay. What I did was to get myself as fit as poss with exercises before hand  that will keep you supple and eating right will give ur body best nutrients to mend afterwards. Get objective. Write down at least 5 things to do to encourage your well being. I do breathing exercises to help with anxiety and panic moments. I bought an exercise bike to hop on when I feel unhelpful thoughts are clouding my head. I write down fears and worries in fact and fiction columns which helps put in perspective that my fears are unfounded and then chuck em in the bin ....so it's parked outside of my head!!

I don't know if any of these will help but it did me! Sending you positive vibes.

C x

It’s the night time that’s the worse . I’m up tonight , fretting . Look , it’s easy for people to say “ don’t worry “ always a big one for us BC women about the crap that other people come out to us . I mean some of it is well intentioned but some of the other stuff that has been said to me in the last couple of weeks is laughable .

My suggestion , from one that is clearly here on the insomnia front , is accept the changes for now . 
I use an app called Headspace which I find useful .

I also listen to Gong music ( all available on YouTube )

Other times I just sit up in bed , cup of tea and both reflect and breathe .

Memories are past , present is what we can acknowledge and act on , the future are only ideas . 
Peace

Penelope xxx 

Hi JJ,

i am 10 days post op, I will not lie it still hurts like hell not only in pain but emotionally. I don’t think I have had a nights sleep since I came out of hospital but things are getting better. I find having a positive mind helps (even when in pain), have something positive, a goal to reach, a knitting’s pattern to finish, an exotic holiday to show your scars off.

You are certainly not spineless in fact you will find that you have more guts than most people, this gremlin that we have is trying to take over but you will beat it with the support of this group, your family and friends you can do this.

when people find out you have the dreaded C word the most reaction I have had from people is, if there is anything I can do just call me, i also have had a few wobbles and yes I thought I will give a colleague a call as they did say to do so, I just needed to speak to someone not in my family that is close but just someone to rant at, don’t think they were very happy to receive a call  at 2.30 am but they did say call!!!!  I ended up speaking to myself and I gave myself a kick up the bum, but not too hard, I can get through this and we will.

Just waiting for my biopsy results now, hopefully before Christmas I will get them.

be brave and kind to yourself, someone in this community is always awake and willing too share  which I find helps.

take care and I wish you all the happiness and a speedy recovery xxxxx

Thank you so much for your support. x

Bless you dear Eccky, I had a long talk with BC nurse (holistic asessment) and I'm hoping to get some positives out of that. Thank you for taking your time to reassure me xxx