Hello. I was diagnosed on Tuesday with grade 3 Invasive ductal carcinoma. I look at all your lovely messages and I wish so much that I could be as positive as you. Sleep is my only escape from all of this. I wake up crying and I'm hardly eating. Everyone I know that has been through this and made it are positive and I can't help but feel I'm setting myself up for a bad outcome as I just can't find a positive way to see things. Currently I just keep freaking out about it spreading. As a back story I discovered the lump back in May and saw a consultant in June and she said it was nothing and sent me away. I worried a lot and in the end went back and had scans and a biopsy in late October. They told me that they checked one lymph and they don't think it's spread yet so I keep thinking that if it spreads between now and the op on the 23rd November I will forever regret not having listened to the first doctor. I'm sorry if I sound so negative. I see a lot of you have MRI and I asked my nurse yesterday why I wasn't having one and she said it wasn't necessary. People tell me to keep busy but I just can't escape these thoughts. I haven't even started chemo yet and I feel so exhausted and weak. Love to you all x
Hello there, I think feeling negative is normal for some, as it certainly was for me. We're all different and I experienced the same feelings as you. It took me a lot of effort to stop panicking and not to freak out. Crying is normal as is having worst thought scenarios. The 23rd November is not far away and just think that the medical team has to prepare for each case individually and this takes a bit of time to ge the best outcome for you personally. I found over time I became calmer. I'm fortunate in that I can do sewing to keep me busy .. I'm making knickers at the moment! Hopefully, you have lovely breast care nurses to discuss your fears with. Best wishes. X
Hi I know how you feel, I think we all have felt like you at the beginning. I have the same as you IDC grade 3 but mine is triple negative. However I didn’t have an MRI either and no lymph node involvement which is possibly the reason for no MRI in your case so I would see that as a positive. Even if some of lymph nodes are affected it doesn’t mean it will have spread elsewhere. I’m sorry you were misdiagnosed. Did they tell you the size and whether it had receptors for oestrogen etc? I’d use the next 12 days to really concentrate on getting yourself in the best shape you can for the operation and possible treatments afterwards, try and eat well and look after yourself. Lumpectomy is very straightforward and was almost pain free for me. I presume that is what you are having? You will feel so much better mentally when it’s gone. Keep posting, there’s always someone around to try and help x
I spent the first two weeks following diagnosis in tears or sleeping (like you it was the only time I wasn’t thinking about it). I had a moment of ‘what has happened is already happened, it’s what happens now that matters’ at around 2am one morning. If there’s nothing in the first lymph it is probably not spread, I had an MRI because mine was in the first lymph. Once there was a plan for treatment things were easier to deal with and my hospital scheduled extra clinics and surgery slots so my surgery was done pretty quickly. keep in touch x
Hello Wobbly1 I think they said it is the size of a smarty or maybe 2cm I'm not sure. I don't know what all the extra bits like HER2 positive means and maybe that's a good think. I am estrogen negative. I hope I feel better when it's gone but I'm so scared they will come back to me and tell me that it has spread. I am getting some sleeping tablets today so I hope they help. You are all so kind. I'm not sure how to reply to people individually on here but thank you. Gazeebo I am an arts technician and work in several creative areas but I am finding it impossible to distract myself with anything. Love to you all x
You will get your head around this - I really didn’t think I would, but it does happen. Find your inner fighter. If you told me I would change so much from those first weeks I wouldn’t have believed it. I was absolutely convinced I was going to be told that everything was terrible but by the time I got the biopsy results I’d gone into fight mode.
Mine was 1.4 cm at diagnosis and 1.8 mm at lumpectomy so similar size to yours. I think they consider that small as they said I’d done well to find it. I was prescribed Citalopram and got Nytol for those nights when I knew I’d be awake for hours. The 23rd will be here in no time but it does seem as though time has stood still when you’re waiting for surgery but you will feel so much better soon x
I just read something that has scared me. I went through the right website to get good info as I was told to. I have been so scared of it spreading but still felt even if it did there might be hope. I just read that if it spreads it's no longer curable but can be treated. I thought they could still get rid of it even if it spreads. Now that I know this I just don't know what to do with myself!
Hey try to remember that it’s unlikely to have spread because it’s not in your lymph nodes. Even if it was in your lymph nodes it doesn’t mean it has spread elsewhere. I really think you’re not having MRI because they are happy it hasn’t spread. Its possible you might have to have chemotherapy after surgery and that will mop up any stray cells there might be and then there’s radiotherapy, so lots to throw at it yet!! I think it might be a good idea to ring the Macmillan nurses and talk to them about your worries, they are open seven days a week, off the top of my head open till 8 pm in the evenings.
Thank you, I have spoken to them most days. They said without knowing the final info after op they can't really help with that sort of info. I am loosing all hope, the worry is destroying me before I even begin the treatment. I'm so sorry to be so negative x
