So I’m scheduled for my mammogram etc next Thursday. I dared feel the lump again today, but really feel it. It’s large. At least 4cm what I can feel and is solid. This tipped me over the edge. I feel angry with the wait, I feel angry at myself that I didn’t notice thing horrid thing sooner. I feel scared, alone and I also feel that I can’t actually take any more grief or pain in my life. I had a moment where I made a decision with myself that if this thing is cancer, I’m leaving. Has anyone else suffered with these thoughts? I can’t seem to put a brave head on but literally I’ve taken some knocks in my life. I was brought up in care, my family aren’t able to be a loving family unfortunately. I’ve had my demons. I’ve battled through and I’ve managed to secure a job and get a mortgage on a house. I must have been strong to do this. But this, this lump seems to be tipping me over the edge.
I am so sorry for what im saying, I don’t even feel it’s coming from me. Like some depression is taking over. Please tell me it gets easier
Yes it does, one day at a time, hang on in there, we have all been there, we know how you feel, you are not alone, you are following thousands of woman and one day when your teatment is over, you will be helping support the amazing women who will follow us. You can do this. Love Ann
Hi Ann, thank you for replying. I think it’s because it out of my control. I’m glad this can be seen as normal emotions. Tomorrow is a new day. I’m going to go back to reading my positive books to try and get some control over the emotions leading up to the appointment. I hope your journey has been a positive one and I’m pleased your here helping others in their time of need. Thank you
Can’t add much to the lovely reply from Farmerann. Not long been diagnosed myself but what I’ve learned so far is bc is very treatable these days for all types, grades etc and I’m sure once you get your diagnosis and start treatment (if it turns out to be bc) it will get easier for you as it has done for me. This is the worst time right now when you don’t know what you’re dealing with and you’re trying to come to terms with this strange new world.
Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing xx
I will, thank you. I feel pretty useless on here in terms of support at the moment. I’m so wrapped up in my own head and emotions I can’t see passed it to offer any advice, and then I can’t give any as I don’t know the journey. I hope in time I can help others as you are
sherry x
Hello Worried 32.
My lump felt different all the time ,you can't really tell by the size it can be anything if it's cancer it could be a huge stage 1 or 2 so try not to worry . Of course this has almost tipped you over the edge it would tip anyone over the edge and you are young. It seems like you have done very well to sort out your life at such a young age! You are very strong lots of young people who grow up in care are very strong they have had to be they are also very resilient and can see ahead. Remember most lumps are not harmful and those that are can be treated. You seem to be very sensible and this waiting time is the hardest part. You can get over this you have come so far! When I found my tumors I was terrified and it has ruined my summer if I could say something to myself back then It would be keep calm and understand that even if I needed surgery this can be sorted out. Well I have had my surgery I'm doing ok now much better got to have chemotherapy now which pulled me down yesterday but I'm on the way back up. You can get over this it's hard but when the going gets tough the tough get going . Look after yourself
Jayne X
Sending big hugs Jayne, thank you for taking the time to reply. All the replies I have had has calmed me down. I feel a bit silly now but maybe my post been there will help others who are feeling in a similar situation. It’s just finding a way to cope when it hits at random times during the day. I’m back at work tomorrow, this should keep my mind occupied. I wish you a speedy recovery and thank you
Sherry x
YES! it does get easier! My lump is nearer 5cms and i have been kicking myself for not noticing it earlier.....I have surgery booked for the ned of October. Just getting a date for surgery and knowing what type of surgery was a HUGE relief. Waiting for appointments and results was just the worst time ever but you will get through it! You sound like a strong lady to me! Good luck Xxxx
Sherry no need to feel silly it's a very difficult time but you seem to be coping better than me ! I haven't been to work for month's! Just keep looking ahead this may be nothing if so great but if not you will deal with it like you always do X Think of all the young people on here you will be able to help after this scare! You even helping me and I'm 64 ha! X
Jayne
Hey, don't feel silly, we've all been there. My lump was over 5cm, how on earth did I not notice I keep asking myself….but I didn't. That was 6 months ago, I've had chemo and surgery and the cancer has gone. Whatever it is, you can totally rock this, just like hundreds of women do every year. Breast cancer is not the demon fear that it used to be and is the most treatable type of cancer. This site is great for a rant, lots of lovely supportive people, keep coming on here and it will certainly help you through. Good luck for Thursday x
Hi, yes I had the same thoughts, I wouldn't answer phone to my family, said I was putting on my coat and walking and not stopping, then my sister said give yourself a chance, I thought yes she is right I have a son who is my world. So please one day at a time, you are strong, you will have so much support, everyone on here will help you. I have now had my surgery, my lump removed, lymph nodes clear, okay they couldn't get clear margins on dcis, which is non invasive, but took it as a blip in my journey, instead of one straight road I have gone around an island thats how I am looking at it. I have recovered from surgery and I am now putting my mind to recovering again. That may be the end of my treatment. It will get easier, keep posting, everyone is here for you. xxxx
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