Reoccurrence panic

Hi Kimbo56 

I am totally with you on this. I am just over a year since finished active treatment. Went back to work through rads, I am a Nurse. Unfortunately I think about it everyday, some days are better than others but it's always there, a bit of a torment really. I haven't had any professional help other than Moving forward course and all the lovely people on here. I am not sure what will make this aspect easier maybe its just time and trying to keep positive. I just wanted you to know its not just you. 

Xxx

Thank you Pusheem

it helps to others feel the same

i wish you well 

x

Good morning Kimbo56 and Pusheen

I was reading your posts and remembering that's exactly how I felt especially as any check up approached.....every ache, every hard place, any suggestion of a wrinkle on the skin.....these all meant the cancer was coming back. Luckily I do live in a place with very regular checks so every three or four months a proper examination could put my mind at rest. But I still worried. And if I'm honest, I still have days where a twinge or unexpected ache feels like something serious. However, I had my cancer in 2015 and my doctor has told me that that cancer....TNBC....is unlikely to return. It is possible a different cancer could develop but actually all women, whether they have had cancer or not, need to stay aware and vigilant so that's normal life.

How did I cope with unnecessary fears? I have continued to use the chatlines on this site. I have tried to share my experience if I think it's  appropriate but have also enjoyed virtual friendships with the contributors . I know those contributors understand exactly how I feel if I have a day that concerns me just as I can reassure them. I can also just be normal and join in day to day chat.....the holiday snaps, the walks, the gardens., the normal family concerns as partners and children have problems. There is a reassurance in the normality but also in the anonymity . I expect there is councelling but I haven't needed to go for that. Gradually with time my mind has accepted that I will have some days where I worry more than others. It allows me to behave more normally with my friends and families who can only seem to understand if they have actually been in the same situation.

I wish you both continued recovery. I admire the fact you have both returned to work. I understand why you are worried but I hope that my post will help you to just allow yourselves to feel as you do when you need to but withoùt worrying about how you are feeling. I suspect it will get easier although I can't promise ( and I'm not sure it would be helpful if it did?) that thees feelings will ever totally disappear. 

Take care. Love Karen

Kimbo56, I just want to offer reassurance that I am exactly the same. I finished my active treatment in March this year and am still on hormone therapy. I can go from almost forgetting about cancer to crippling fear that I will be taken from my 4 year old son who I am so close to. Have you considered counselling? I felt like it was self indulgent at first and felt strange spending time just speaking about me but it helps talking about how you feel with somebody who is trained and impartial? I realise it’s not for everyone but I have found it has made me feel better. Even just to hear the words “so many people with cancer have said similar things to you”. I don’t feel as removed. I am hoping that the more time moves on the better we will feel. I know what you mean about everyone who hasn’t been through cancer directly themselves around you just wanting the “old you”

or something as close as back again. They just don’t get it do they? It’s not always through badness or anything, they just don’t get it. “But you caught it early”, “you will be fine”, “you have to get on with life”. You had to come face to face with your mortality and consider those you love having to continue life without you there. 
Like everybody has said here, only those who have been through the experience directly have an idea. That’s not being unkind to others, it’s just the reality of the situation. I have found the ladies so kind on here who have reassured me. Perhaps with restrictions easing, you could look to see if anybody can meet you face to face for a coffee who have also had cancer, even outside if you don’t feel comfortable indoors? 

Warm hugs,

Bekky

xxx

Thank you lacomtekp and bekky 

Lovely of you to reply, and thanks for thoughts and advise. 

Xxx

Hi Pusheen, have you had a read of the article by Dr Peter Harvey on ‘after treatment finishes, what then?’ As it makes huge sense and really explains how it feels being cast aside and left to our own devices after the end of treatment. 
I too get the ‘is it back’ feelings whenever I think of things, much of it overthinking I expect…x

Hugs xxx

Hi moomy

Yes have read that article, very useful but hasn't helped me yet with overthinking. I had stage 3 Oestrogen positive and 19 lymph nodes trace. What's worse is I had mammograms every year anyway since age 25 after a benign lump and still ended up in this mess ! Am 55 now. Thanks for replying I know you managing difficult times yourself, so thanyou.

Xxx