At the end of my tether

Hello Newby,  sounds like you are both having a difficult time.

my son was 4 when I had a local reoccurance and had to have a masectomy and.chemo. I was very stressed  anxious and not very patient. My son told me a few years later how angry he thought I was at that time, he did not understand how anxious I was. It must of been so hard for him he told me I frightened him when I was cross it was awful to hear.. He also slept in my bed often. I'm also a single parent too. If you stay regulated your son will too, don't battle over the bed thing while you feel like this. After surgery or before explain you've got a poorly boob and he can't sleep in your bed until it is better.  Or make a bed next to yours as a compromise, you are his safe place and being close to you may be enough for him. 

Hi vixsix,

sorry for late reply. It’s been a busy, trying few days. I have my surgery in 2 days and been trying to get as much sorted in my house so can relax after surgery.

thank you so much for your advice, I have now put my son’s mattress from his spare bunk on the floor next to my bed. We have made a deal that as long as he makes the effort to sleep in his bed to start then if he wakes, scared and can’t get back to sleep he can come in and go straight onto the mattress. This has been working well but he has now taken to wanting to hold my hand the past 2 nights which isn’t very comfortable for me having to drop my arm down the side of the bed.

we have spoke about this this morning and I am hoping he understands that this may be too painful for me to do after surgery so he has to try and sleep without me doing that.

I have also been in contact with the doctors  who have referred us to counselling and he seems keen to talk things through with a stranger when that comes through so hopefully that will help also.

Hi newby78,  this all feels very familiar, my son is 11 now and I still have this challenge.  As vixsix said, pick your battles, do what you can but don’t stress over it.  My sons behaviour and clingy ness got worse when I separated from his dad and I did get support from the school support worker and she explained it’s because we are their world and they feel the need to be near us and know we are there.  It’s hard but for some things like the hand holding you are going to need to say “no” because you need to be comfortable after surgery but let him sleep on that mattress by your bed if that helps him sleeps and stay calm.  Will be thinking of you for your surgery and hope you get some good sleep, before and after xx

Thank you for your response and apologies it has taken me so long to respond. Just wanted to update you that the sleeping and behaviour issues I had with my son have improved immensely since getting private therapist involved. I have recovered well from my op.and no sign of cancer spread so I think this has also helped with his behaviour. Thank you for your support and advice. We are a much happier household now.