partner's mum diagnosed - feeling helpless!

Hi Beehappy. I'm so sorry about your other half's mum. I can't offer any advice - I'm very new to this myself - but I wanted to say that your partner (and their mum) are lucky to have you, looking out for them and wanting to be that support person. The world needs more people like you. Take care.

Hi MoominAncestor, thank you for your reply that is so kind of you. I hope you are ok too and welcome to the forum it's so wonderful to have a safe space to chat! 

Hi beehappy1

I'm 4 years down the line from being diagnosed and if there's one thing I can say to pass onto her it's that the 'not knowing' and the 'fear of the treatment' is actually the worst bit.  I had oestrogen positive breast cancer too, but because it hadn't made it's way into my lymph nodes, I didn't need chemo.  They lymph nodes are there to 'trap' the cancer and it sounds like (given her plant of treatment) that it's spread to her lymph nodes - but hopefully they have done their job and prevented it spreading any further.  This is probably why she's having chemo. to stop the cancer in it's tracks there and then she'll have her lymph nodes removed from under her arm.  They usually test them by removing sentinel lymph nodes during an operation if they don't think it's spread, just to be sure and carry out a biopsy on these..  

She's going to be given tablets to reduce her oestrogen levels - I've been on them for 4 years and another year to go. 

Breast cancer is one of the most prevalent cancers- this is the busiest group, needless to say and because of that the treatment is SO routine for it, that the doctors will have seen it time and time and time again - so she is in very safe hands.  The surgery will remove the cancer, the chemo. and radiotherapy will 'zap' any potential stray cells and then the tablets are there to prevent recurrence.  From this, you can see that there are so many 'angles of attack' for it and the chemo,radio and tablets are the belts and braces of the treatment.  

Hopefully this helps a little to put your mind at ease and help your partner.

Best wishes, Lesley

I have to agree that the not knowing is the scariest thing.  She will have a scan, then usually wait two weeks for the results, the two weeks seem like years, that last day a lifetime.  Worrying never added a day to anyone's life, so just put one foot in front of the other and carry on, the team (and it is a team) dealing with your partners Mum have seen thousands of patients with breast cancer and have many strategies depending on the type, stage and patient.

Your best help is by being there, we have friends and family who can't deal with my wife's diagnosis and have hardly spoken to us since.  It was hard at first to deal with, but we came to realise that they were just as scared as we were, not of "catching" the cancer but of upsetting us - as if being ignored wouldn't.

welcome to the roller-coaster, with some dips that she will need your help with, and some highs that are best shared.