Normally optimistic but ....

1. Gwennie, I am so sorry you are going through all this, it must be so hard. Loosing your beloved cat and not being able to see your mum. Do you have any friends or family you can turn to for support? If you can face starting the chemo then I would go ahead with it. The Chemo units are very supportive and you do feel well looked after. There will be people there going through similar that you can talk to so you will not feel so alone. I had my first of 6 yesterday and all the staff were amazing. The BCN team can arrange free sessions of councelling through relate if this may help. If I could come and give you a big gentle hug I would. Sending a big virtual hug instead. Love Anna x

Hi Gwenniepennie, you have a ridiculous amount of c*** going on atm so it’s no wonder you are struggling to stay optimistic. As I read your post I could almost feel my own head going into the ‘my mind feels like it’s going to explode’ zone which I have felt at times during my own cancer experience. Not so much because of the cancer but because of the knock on effects on other aspects of my life and my ability to cope with them. 

Firstly I am sending you the biggest virtual hug, wish it was in person. I feel for you for the loss of your dear cat; Iosing a pet is devastating as they are always there, and it’s especially heartbreaking that she was going to be your comfort through chemo. With regard to your mother, these are unspeakable times when hospital visits seem to be pretty much impossible. So devastating. 

It sounds like you really need to talk this through with someone who can advise you about the implications of delaying your chemo. And also about the availability of emotional support. It’s unlikely there would be any face to face but I know of others who have online counselling. You are dealing with so much. If you are seriously considering not having the chemo on Monday (I think that’s your start date?) then please do phone the team today to discuss it. And don’t forget the helpline here as well. 

Sending love and the biggest virtual hug possible, HFxxxx

LitqxelHi Happyfeet!  I avoided coming n here’s for a few days and contact with anyone to sort of allow myself to process th8ngs, I did speak to my BCN though late on Friday,  would you believe on Friday lunchtime we had a call from the hospital to say that my mum did not have Covid and that the lateral flow test had given a false positive but the PCR was negative.  The emotions all flew again but the  relief was just so wonderful.  Mum  does have pneumonia so she’s is not out of the woods but at least i can thank of being able to see her at some point now.  

Today I went for my PICC line insertion but after three failed attempts it did not happen.  I now go back in a week and have radiotherapy intervention by CT scan.  So I begin to wonder whether this is all a way of telling me not to have it!  I think what I am going’s to do is to have the first four EC sessions, and then see how I get on before I start Paclitaxel.  I have that option.  

Big hug received and very very welcome and at least I can enjoy my glass of wine in the evening for another week! X 

Hi Gwenniepennie, good news your mum doesn’t have Covid so some chance you’ll get to see her. How strange these days are, that a diagnosis of pneumonia could be a sort of a relief. 

The malarkey around the PICC line can’t have been fun. Sounds like a good plan to try the EC and see how it goes. Enjoy your glass of wine! HFxx