I'm awaiting a CT scan having just been diagnosed with breast cancer and needing mastectomy and lymph nodes out.

I'm just learning to navigate this site so am writing to say thank you for your lovely message.  I have read it over and over as I need to know how other people deal with this horrible disease. You have shown me that I need to follow your example and stay positive. I've started a Blog, cupboardlove Chronicles, to see if I can exercise my demons through the written word. Sharing and listening to the wonderful women on this site is going to be one of my coping strategies, I will go mad otherwise!!!

Thank you so much xxx

Hi, Oh no, I not amazing, I’m making it up as I go along! Remember, it is up to us to choose how we respond and react to all the  situations we find ourselves in, so I am simply trying to pick the best and most positive path for me. Having a 10 year old child looking to me for how to deal with this is exceptionally motivating. One day he might face adversity and I want him to gain skills and attitudes so that he can cope and rebuild and eventually the thrive again. To use a sporting analogy (which is a big thing for me) there is everything to play for. Play it your way, to your strengths.  Small example from my own planning; today I have decided not to try the cold cap during chemo to help prevent hair loss. I simply don’t think the discomfort and investing  perhaps unfounded hope in retaining my hair is worth the emotional effort. I am going to be (slightly) more comfortable and bald. It won’t be great and I may well be very sad to lose my hair but I am facing it and will direct my emotional energy to something else I value more....probably homeschooling!!  If I have a wobble I will channel Winnie the Pooh who is certainly one of the most overlooked modern philosophers! ‘There is something that you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.’    Take care. Breathe, reflect, plan, then crack on. Stay in touch. Klertie xx

Hi Lovely to meet you although I wish it had been in a pub over a G&T or two. 

First of all, stop berating yourself for worrying about the effects your surgery and hair loss will have on you. Never mind folk being worse off - YOU are who matters right now. 17 years ago, I felt exactly the same. I had hair I could sit on. I had been bleaching it since I was 14 and my husband had never seen me with my natural (dog sh*t brown) colour hair - I was devastated at the thought of him seeing me with brown hair. Why? I have no idea but it caused me much upset for a long time. You know, it didn't matter a bit. After 18 years of bleaching it, it was in a right old dry, tangled mess, Worzel Gummidge had better hair than me. I was actually glad to have new hair that I could start wrecking all over again.

The point I think I was making was that it is entirely normal to have these feelings and it doesn't make you vain or frivolous. Not many of us are blessed with head shapes that can take the scalped look and our hair is such a big part of our outward veneer that you really can't imagine being without it. You worry that you're going to feel as though you are naked but after the first week, you really don't notice it. You can get some great wigs - my first wig was better than my own hairstyle! Ever wondered what you'd look like with a bold new colour or a radically different style? Now's your chance. 

Tip: When your hair goes, your head will be smaller. Do not get a wig that fits over your own hair because when your hair goes, your wig will be way too big and it WILL slip forward over your head every time the wind blows or you shake your long, lustrous, golden locks when that fit delivery bloke pulls up and really, a hairline that starts halfway down your nose is so not a good look. Neither is snorting half of the wig up your nose as you shriek in mortification. 

The second time I had chemo, I made damn sure I was fitted for a size too small. Wasn't risking that scenario again - of course, when I put it on, my small dog shrieked "HELP! INTRUDER! MURDER! BISCUIT ROBBERS ARE HERE!" and so I still ended up going out with just the beanie on. She would not come near me with that wig on. 

You can always go the route of the cold cap - it's usually pretty effective at helping you keep some hair, especially if you have it cut shorter before you start. I didn't bother - firstly, it gave me an ice cream headache and secondly, I'm  a smoker and after a four hour+ wait for treatment then the treatment, I didn't want to hang around for another hour to let the cap do its stuff. . 

Right - what else was I going to say - oh yeah. Delays in treatment.  The time it takes breast cancer to double in size takes several months. A couple of weeks here or there isn't going to make much difference. Heck, my treatment (the second time around) was delayed by almost two years because my GP kept insisting it was frozen shoulder but that's another story.....

Your sister and your daughters - yes. They are going to worry. My husband did but we looked up some favourable statistics and we refer back to them often. The "positive stories" thread on here helps  - it's full of positive statistics. It might help them immensely to know how many women either beat it completely or go on to live 10, 15 years or more past diagnosis.  It's great that you have them there for support though (and the odd cup of tea/tin of soup warming up when you really can't be bothered!) but it's entirely understandable that they might need support themselves. There's a great friends and relatives forum on here that might be of use to them. 

Anyway, I've rambled long enough - my glass needs refilling and it ain't going to fill itself! Keep posting, keep reading and keep smiling. 

I'm doing a blog "cupboardlove chronicles", I think writing will keep me sane. What a beautiful message to me, it has made me feel positive as I must say I have been sat here feeling terrible. I've recently met a lovely man, but his wife died of ovarian cancer. when he was talking about his long haul of cancer appointments then death and that he could never go through that again, I was waiting for my mammogram result (!!) Now I'm having to lose my breast I am going to have to lose him too by the look of it. That makes me sad, because being by myself until death looks my way forward. 

Anyway, enough of my problems, I will take your advice about the wig. Mind you if Covid goes on and on I will probably stay bald!!

I am so so happy that life is going well for you, once again thank you so much for contacting me, means alot xx