Emotional

Hi welcome and moan away!!  Fill in your profile so other members can see your cancer journey.  As you've found out once active treatment finishes it's not over.  Sadly it's never really over for us as the worry remains and we grieve for your pre cancer, carefree (well carefree through our rose coloured specs) life.  Post cancer life is good too but it's always there niggling away.  I'm 5 years post treatment and I'm getting anxious as I'm due my 5 year mammogram!!  The stupid little niggles start with noticing an odd pain in my breast etc.  Always happens every year and disappears after my mammogram results!

I think family & friends think the best way to help you is to dismiss your cancer diagnosis and encourage you to act normal!  You are acting normal, it's just a new normal.  Try explaining that it's a big deal being told you have cancer and during treatment your mind is otherwise occupied in dealing with each stage, side effects etc. but now you have empty treatment diary your mind is now processing all you've been through these past few months and while you are happy you are cancer free you need time to accept the "what if"  thoughts.  Don't try to fight them or reason with them, you can't win with your own mind as it's as intelligent as you.  Just accept them and gradully you will notice that they become less frequent or just there in background.  

This is a great place to share your fears, milestones, happyp days, bad days!  We all get them, we all understand xx

Grogg, 

Thank you so so much for your message. My mind has always been my worst enemy so my biggest fight has been with myself these last 8 months and trying to silence it has been a nightmare!! 
Im back to work on Tuesday and I’m convinced once I’m there things in my head will quieten down  

I do feel angry that this has happened to me especially when life was so good before cancer and the lack of basic understanding from friends/family who just assume because it’s over it’s all finished for me...... it’s not and never will be ( as you said ) I need to get used to it myself so am asking for patience. 

I will definitely update my profile too

You are angry with the universe and whole family and friends thinking being positive and business as usual is the best way to help you is so irritating as it feels like they are trivialising your cancer.  When you return to work you will get colleagues doing this so be prepared!! 

You have to let them know you are struggling.  Next time they ask how you are don’t say fine.  Say ‘well actually I feel physically quite well but mentally I’m struggling.  Hearing the C word has freaked me out and it’s consuming my thoughts day and night.  I’m struggling to sleep and I’m angry that I’m in this position.  I’m sorry if I’m not great company but I really need to allow myself to come to terms with my diagnosis. I know treatment is effective but the worry is still there.’  Then thank them for listening and say how good it is to open up.  Even have a little cry.  Try to stop them interjecting and stop trying to make them feel better about your diagnosis.  This is your grieving time for your old  pre cancer life.  You will have a good post cancer life but it will change you xx  

Good luck with work.  Do come back and let us know how it goes

There is also an Awake Thread which is just general chit chat - started by the lovely LondonLass 3 years ago.  Don't bother trying to back read as there almost 30,000 posts.  You can just join in and say hi.  LondonLass affectionately calls posters on there "fruit loops".  It's called Awake thread as it was started for the insomniacs on here 

Hi ,

I can only agree with everything @Grogg has said - it all takes time to come to terms with.You will have good days though and life goes on around you on the bad ones. I'm glad you have been warned about others at work wanting to do the same as your partner - coming on here and venting your frustration is a very good safety valve (I hope the new system allows you to !)We have all been there and bought the t shirt without wanting to, but can and do support one another on our individual journey. Like most things we eventually come to terms with it in  our own way ,but we never forget that it has happened to us (in my case twice - see my profile if you wish)

I hope that your radiation burns settle down and heal well.,it is early days yet but they will go Good luck on your return to work. Sending hugs and understanding xx

Hi , just popping in mostly to echo what’s already been said. I remember a friend asking when we could all get together for a ‘celebration’ as I’d just finished radiotherapy - she’s lovely but I don’t think she understood at all when I said I didn’t really feel like celebrating. I really felt like saying that I was exhausted, that my nipple had gone black and scabby and that I had ‘scales’ around the radiated area but thought that was probably tmi!!! Like you, I know I’m ‘lucky’ that I have a good prognosis and that I’m (hopefully) cancer free, but really I don’t feel lucky as I got b***** cancer!! But I don’t say this to friends as I don’t expect them to ‘get it’. And that’s the glory of here, where we all do ‘get it’ and we’re all free to rant and rave as much as we need to! As well as having a laugh too now and then - in fact often, on the above mentioned Awake thread! 
Sending love and a big virtual hug, HFxx

Thank you happy feet for your message

My friends have no idea and most of them have backed right off now my treatments are over. It was hard enough to talk seriously to them in the middle of it all but now I’m cancer free, ive clearly become less interesting It feels. 
My best friends are fantastic and check in oftenand luckily I can share too much with them like the burns on my boob or the fact I’ve still got a blue nipple from the dye but it’s just not the same. They don’t get that I planned my funeral in my darkest days or that at times I’m so incredibly guilty for surviving when others didn’t..... I find that the hardest to deal with. I’m not ‘normal’ anymore and never will be again. I hate that my life has been changed forever by something hitchhiking a ride in me without permission and has turned me into this angry resentful woman. And I hate that it’s driving a wedge between myself and my partner when initially it brought us closer together. 
oh I’m on a ranting roll now and I’m sorry Hahahahahahah 

Thank you for taking the time to message me I greatly appreciate it xxx