Scared!!

Hi , firstly STOP  take a deep breath and relax! Then give yourself a break. You have just been thrown into the world of cancer! Probably the last place you expected to be and one of the scariest places to be, WHEN YOU ARE FIRST DIAGNOSED! 

BUT 

GOOD NEW! The path ahead is nowhere near as bad as the path you are thinking right now! Yes it's tough and yes you will be scared, yes you will have rubbish days, maybe weeks BUT it's very doable and for some life continues on with very little change, both during and after treatment!

You're probably ready to shout at me and tell me that can't be true. But honestly Hun, I worked as a Nanny looking after 2 children, throughout my Chemo and Radiotherapy. This was my choice, it wouldn't be right for everyone but it worked for me! 

The only way through this Hun is to take baby steps, take it one step at a time. Thinking it as a never ending slog will drive you insane. Instead think about what ever it is that's happening in the here and now! 

So for example. The Chemo is likely to be 6 or 8 doses given 3 weekly. So when you get a start date think about getting through those first 3/4 doses (it varies from hospital to hospital) If you are able get your freezer stocked up with easy to heat food so if you are having an off day there will still be food for your children/hubby. Unless of course your hubby is a keen cook, in which case enjoy being looked after.

Accept help if it is offered. People generally feel pretty useless when friend/loved one is diagnosed, so they want to help in any way they can. If it's going to make your life easier for a few months, ACCEPT IT! I know it's hard to admit we need help and we feel we should be able to do everything. But right now you need to concentrate on staying as well as you can and that means eating and drinking well, so definitely sort out that tooth!!

Try not to read anything on Dr Google as we call it. It's out of date and will just add to your worries. Stick to sites like this. Who better to ask than people who have been there! Obviously if it's a medical question then ask your oncologist or Breast care nurse first!

You will find lots of lovely people on here more than willing to offer support and advice on here. Now you have reached out I promise you will NEVER be alone! On here you can be as honest as you want. If you feel like Crap then just say so and someone will be along with a virtual hug to help you through your day! 

I could babble on for hours but I don't want to bore you. Just remember BABY STEPS! This is definitely a marathon not a sprint! I promise you that although right now you probably feel you'll never smile again you will. You will laugh and have fun both during and after treatment. Many people get through treatment with very few side effects. But if you are unlucky enough to have some side effects then make sure you inform your team. Never hold back tell them everything as without the information they can't help you! 

Once you have been to the dentist, try and enjoy some special time with your family. Or find a new hobby or read a book. Waiting is always the worst thing, but you can't do anything at the moment. They'll give you a date as soon as they are able. Until then keep busy, doing nice things! Time to spoil yourself for a bit. 

One last thing prepare yourself for things to change! Sometimes chemo dates change because bloods aren't quite right. But don't worry about changes don't assume it's because there's bad news. Changing appointment dates and times is all part of this journey. But there is one guarantee you will be looked after and in a few months you will look back and see how far you have come and more importantly that you are coping better than you thought.

Take care Hun. Always around if you need a chat as are all the other breast cancer ladies and gents , some just starting out like you, others all finished and some who have lifetime membership, but we still keep smiling! Xxxxx

Hi  so sorry you are on this ride but great advice from LondonLass and plenty more to come I’m sure. Just remember there is no right or wrong way to feel, you are you, but I bet between us all we have felt every emotion and we can all relate. I haven’t had chemo so can’t advise on that but have had MX and rads which I worked throughout the 3 week period. That ended just before Christmas and I still feel up and down so we really are all in this together. Please keep checking in and you will find a friendly reply will be quickly returned, huge hugs xx

Hi , You are in the right place, lots of people with a wealth of experience. Can I suggest you read the post from LondonLass again as it contains very good advice for you !! You will get through it all but there will be lots of good days in between the bad ones.Be kind to yourself and accept help from others when it is offered and give yourself time to come to terms with it all. It is a major shock to your system and time is the greatest healer.I know because I've been there myself and bought the t shirt, as have most of the contributors on here.If you need a bit of distraction  while you wait for your dates take a look at some of the other threads on here. I found the AWAKE thread was a good starting place and have found the members so helpful and informative as well as being a bit "loopy" which helped me to smile again and even laugh out loud. Sending big hugs xx Kwissy

It’s not my tooth making me poorly it’s the fact I can’t eat without feeling really sick. What can I do or who can I see for anxiety/panic? I do meditate sometimes but I think I need a bit more. 

And Thankyou all for taking the time to reply to me. You are all making a lot of sense 

Read that first answer again! LondonLassis so right! Stop the negative thoughts and breathe! If you meditate that’s great, then do some, but if those thoughts turn negative, turn them right around again! 

Keep posting, everyone in the group is a bit different, different stages and different treatment regimes as that’s the way breast cancer is treated now, tailored for the individual. But we are all here to help as well! And, odd though it sounds, no question is too daft! 

Sending you a comforting hug xxx

speak to your GP if you feel you need something to help you through the coming weeks! There’s nothing wrong in asking for help and taking something for the short term! 

Try to allow yourself a few minutes every day when you can think about all this crap! Then stop and try to put it to the back of your mind. Concentrate on getting through the day. Try and eat, even if it’s only a few mouthfuls. You are going to need your energy for the upcoming treatment.

Can I ask you a question Hun! What’s really scaring you? Is it the treatment? Is it the Cancer? Is it of dying? I mention that because over the years I have chatted with many people and lots of them have been terrified of dying! The truth is when Breast Cancer is caught early the success rate is really good. You know even some of us with Stage 4 disease plod on for a very long time! So IF death is one of your fears, I hope reading this helped! 

Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight! Thinking of you and .......

Night night. Sal xxx

Thankyou. I’m not really sure what scares me, maybe the thought of not seeing my kids grow up. I had the lump checked 18 months ago and was told it was normal tissue but it started hurting more during lockdown until I thought it was a cyst so just get it sorted! Then the whammy of a biopsy to be told that there was no suggestion of my lymph being affected to needing chemo because it is there. I suppose I am lucky as I did eventually go back .I’m 45 and wouldn’t have a routine mammogram for another 5 years. I know I need to relax a bit but I’m just finding my normally strong personality is struggling at the moment. 

It’s okay and totally understandable to struggle  and you are doing the right thing admitting this and trying to deal with it! Clearly you did the right thing going back to your GP. I am very much an advocate for us to listen to our own bodies and seeking advice when we know something isn’t right! 

As for seeing your kids grow up! Right now I’d say there’s a very good chance that you’ll be around for a very long time yet! As I have said before the treatment really is good these days Hun and it’s advancing all the time! So try not to worry too much about that, although I know it’s hard! 

I recall thinking I’d not see my Nieces grow up! They were 8 & 6 at the time! Well they are now teenagers and I’m still here and that’s with a Secondary Cancer Diagnosis thrown in for good measure!  

None of this is easy Hun and it’s okay to need extra support, especially with Covid-19 thrown into the mix. So speak to your GP ASAP and see what they can offer. Although remember most drugs take a few weeks to get in your system, so in the mean time if you can meditate or keep yourself distracted in some way, that will help! But keep talking to everyone on here, as that will help too! 

Right I really must try and get some more sleep! Take care Hun. Sal xxxx

Hi - I’m feeling exactly the same. I got diagnosed on Wednesday and have been in a daze every since. I can’t seem to shift my negative thoughts.  Mornings seem to be worse for me. I’m determined to think my positively though. But I really do know how you feel. Big hugs to you. X