Bad day!!!

HI Dab

Perhaps you could look at it a different way for the time being.  You've needed to put on some weight to have some reserves to cope with chemo?

Ok, so you've put on some weight but previously you've been eating healthily/exercised and when you're feeling up to it you can do so again - and with that will come the weight loss.  I can totally understand how you feel about 'why the heck not?' as I looked around at some really fat people wandering down the road and thought "I'm a healthy BMI and yet here I am - going through this".

Be kind to yourself at the moment and accept that you've put on weight because at the end of the day you're going through Hell at the moment.  Your hair will grow back (obviously quicker than your reconstruction) but gradually you will get to feel a bit more normal and then you'll be ok to eat 'properly' and do some exercise - which in turn will make your feel better, won't it?

But, not now - stop blaming yourself and accept that you DESERVE to feel sorry for yourself and putting on a bit of weight is nothing compared to what you've been going through.

Kindest wishes,

Hi,

I read somewhere recently that you feel like your body as betrayed you and dont have the enthusiasm to look after it. Ive been the same. I thought i did everything okay, exercised, okay weight etc. I had to isolate before operation and since the first mention it might be cancer ive done very little. Ive seen my muscles lose definition and i just look unwell. I want to look healthy but mentally im struggling. 

Sue.

Hi Dab

I don't want to relate all our physical and health issues, but I fully understand how you feel.  We have been down a very similar road.  Sometimes it can seem overwhelming but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, which we are all trying to reach, but it is in our own time and in our own way.  

I don't want to sound like a goody-two-shoes, but my wife and I followed a very healthy lifestyle.  Never smoked, no recreational drugs, don't drink other than the odd single glass of wine with a special meal, never overweight, bmi always kept in the healthy range, mostly home-cooked/prepared healthy eating, no fry ups, with greens and fruit, avoiding unhealthy fats, kept active, everything in moderation, no toxic industry exposure, took vitamin d and c daily, etc etc.  Yet here we are with both having cancer.

• Consider Sian Williams, the newscaster.  A petite person who was seriously into health foods, vitamins.and did a great deal of running and keep fit.  The epitome of health, yet had a double mastectomy.  There are numerous similar examples.

Like Sian Williams we no longer take vitamins but continue with virtually the same lifestyle and try to exercise a little bit more.  I have always believed that a good night's sleep is important.  Other than that what can we do?  Try not to stress, enjoy and appreciate the life you have together every day, no matter how mundane.   If you have a loving and caring partner, I believe that this is the most important thing of all.   I don't believe 'bucket lists' are important. If there is a spiritual dimension to your life, then that can help too.  

Unfortunately, cancer can hit those who look around at the negative ways that some conduct their lives and think why me?  There is often no apparently rational explanation.  When all the bases are covered the usual medical explanation is that it could be genetic, and that is beyond our control!

Try not to look back and rake over the ashes.  It sounds trite and often difficult to achieve, but try and live in the moment,  and perhaps a bit like commencing exercise, move forward one step at a time.  Perhaps achieving your reconstruction sooner would help.

Best Wishes.

D

Hi Dab

Sorry you’re feeling so crap. I was healthy weight ,drank  occasionally, went to the gym 4 times a week then got cancer at 46 still can’t believe it. I had neoadjuvent chemo which made me feel so tired and weak then had 3 surgeries which was tiring slept really well then now onto more chemo x3 just one more to go then radiotherapy then herceptin injections and tamoxifen. It’s such a long journey but it will end.

I put on weight as was so tiried shielding and recovering from surgeries. Not only am I bald lopsided but feeling chunky too. Anyway I joined a weight loss group which has really motivated me to make better food choices and have started walking every morning for an hour and doing some you tube excercises. I feel physically better and it keeps my mind occupied. Having cancer and treatment is so physically and mentally exhausting.

Why do you have to wait so long for your reconstruction? I’m seeing my surgeon in September to see what my options are. 

Remember you’re not alone and hopefully all this will be a distant memory. That’s my plan just keep moving forward 

xxx

Most surgeons recommend waiting a year after radiotherapy to allow healing before reconstruction will be considered and then there are the waiting lists to contend with, they were long before Covid and are getting worse. 

Hi Deb

I'm so sorry your having a a bad day.  Its totally reasonable to feel the way you do and you are allowed to be negative.  You and your body have been through a lot.  

Remember just because you feel this way today doesn't mean you'll always feel that way.  Give yourself time and space to recover.  Be kind to yourself.

Lots of love 

Z x

Oh lovey, I’m sorry you’re having a crap day. You’ve had some great replies from a lot of ladies but I just wanted to say  what you’ve been through is a huge ordeal and by the sound of it done amazing. Please don’t  say you’re being unreasonable because that’s the last thing you are. You’ve had to deal with everything that cancer treatment has thrown at you and that is very tough. . 

As others have said it’s like your body has betrayed you and now it’s hard to trust it. You kept your side of the deal, exercised & ate well but your body didn’t. I was diagnosed last year and the year before I had a DVT & an over active thyroid. I now worry about every ache and pain because I’ve been let down. As you start to recover that will change and the weight will go but don’t be too hard on yourself. Lots of women say they don’t know who they are or recognise themselves anymore but you’ll find you again. 

You’re still having treatment so please be patient with yourself. Your emotions are going to very up and down still and I’ve found post treatment the hardest part. Family and friends just want you better and may struggle to understand how you’re feeling but everyone here will. 

If you find things are difficult don’t hesitate to contact your BCN for help and a referral for counselling. Take really good care of yourself xx 

Sorry to hear you’re having a bad time at the moment. I’m sure things will improve for you. You’ve been through an awful lot. Sending big hugs X

Dab

I started my cancer treatment Sept 2019 with long unruly hair (which was grade 1/bald by end Dec) and was at the biggest size wise I'd ever been (lost 5 stone since then & nearly at my fighting weight again). I am the sort of person who is either full on or 'off' something and often struggle to find that balance in between - sounds like this may be where you are at too?  For some reason (not altogether sure why) I saw the cancer diagnosis as an opportunity to get fit again and was really lucky that I didn't have the side effects to chemo that many do.  We all do what we need to do I guess to get through treatment eh?

I know that it is so hard to make that first step to getting back to being fit & healthy, that first step is a huge obstacle mentally but it really will benefit how you are feeling, and in due course how you feel about your body, you already know this but still worth pointing out the obvious. You know how to eat healthily & exercise and can do this again, I know you can.

As others have said you're nearly over the challenging parts of treatment, and the thing that you can control in the short term is the stuff you know how to do and have done before.. getting active again will help you feel better whilst the hair grows back (mine went bonkers and needed a hedge trimmer 3 months after end of chemo - by which time we were on lockdown...doh!) and plans start to be made for that reconstruction (the wait for which I know is really painful).

I really hope you find the strength to take a small step.  Good luck.

Sam

Hi Dab sorry your feeling down but it is ok to feel down after all you've been through and still going through. It's always good to have a rant and get a bit love back even if only virtually. There is a lot of love out there and we all understand, it's better to let it all out and not bottle up your feelings, while most of us detest the extra weight we will put on, thanks steroids and the white carb cravings!!!!! Try and be kinder to yourself and not dwell too much as I'm sure if you were into a healthier lifestyle before .cancer you will get back there after. Sending hugs your way xxx

Audrey