Devastated

Hello Charlieandlola,

First, I am sorry that you find yourself joining this Group, its a place none of us wanted to join - yet the support and strength 'YOU' will find here is totally amazing, honestly, any questions, concerns, worries - there will be someone that can offer advise.

The second part, well, of course I am so very sorry to hear this, I don't know how long you have been married, if you have children, etc - not that any of this makes what has happened any easier.  What I will say, now is not the time to worry about your husband leaving you, now is the time for concentrating on 'you' - You will get though this, you will. Its such a strange thing, as in one way we 'feel' we need someone by our side and yet in reality you really don't - it is your journey, you are going through this. 

There will be so many question you will have..... husband says it's 'too hard for him to handle' - yet finds another woman where life seems so full of roses!!! and then he wakes up!! It is hard to handle until you know what is happening, the treatment plan etc - once you know this, each day comes and goes and you are one step nearer finishing the treatment - I won't lie, the first anniversary its tought - because this brings it home how far your have travelled and have time to take in what you have gone though, but, little by little normality falls into place and you will have far more good happy days than sad.

My thoughts are (sorry, if I overstep the mark with my comments - and remember, they are only my thoughts) .... it sounds too me like your husband has been having an affair for a fairly long time - to be able to 'meet another woman and then leave your marital home in this current world situation' well, there is more to this, and, for him to do this.... he is not worthy of you, he really isn't.  Don't get me wrong I know men or women can find this hard, but, some how you find a way to work through - I think this BC has given your husband the excuse he as needed and I would add that the 'other woman' may of been having a go at him due to the current situation!

The sad thing is, if he realises it was a big mistake and wants to come back, well, it will never be the same again - just as our world will never be the same.  I do believe things in life happen for reasons, at the time we can't always see the 'reason' but in time we can look back at see the reason.

Please, as hard as this is for you right now, concentrate on you, you will get through this, the girls and guys on here are truly amazing, honest, and we all know at any point this could be any one of us - so we do understand. 

Don't waste time thinking about him, see him for what he is, to do this at this time, well he isn't the person you thought he was - you deserve better.  Concentrate on getting you better and the rest of life will fall into place.  There are many ladies on here that are alone and are or have gone through treatment, I am sure they will say hello and offer advice or guidance too.

If you find yourself up during the night hours - look for the thread called 'AWAKE' - most of us drop in there - actually both night and day time, in there you can ask questions, have a chit-chat, we have a little guniea pig called 'Lucky Pants' - he lives with Sal (LondonLass ) and is virtually available to come with you on appointments, we even have a laugh (I know you won't feel like that at the moment, but then again..... why shouldn't you - you should have a laugh, a laugh that your husband is now in lockdown with another woman that he might just well regret once the sparkle as rubbed off!' You girl, get laughing with us, this is the start of the rest of your life - you can do this and will be stronger too.

Thinking of you and sending love and hugs, Gail xxx

Hello Gail 

Thank you so much for your message. I think its been going on a while. I'm so sad. I thought he loved me.  I met him 19 years ago after the break up of my first marriage. I was warned (even by my x) to steer clear as he was a womanizer but I didnt listen. Hes cheated on me before. This time it cuts harder as I'm dealing with cancer. Dont k ow how I'll get thru this but I have to.

Julie xx

Hi Charlieandlola

I think WhatHappened has said it all very eloquently already, but just wanted to send you my thoughts and best wishes. This is such a tough time for you in the midst of cancer treatment - and for this to happen as well ... I am just speechless to be honest. You can get through this, you have come this far already. Chemotherapy is tough, and you have come through that (have you finished it now?). We will all be here on this site to help you through surgery, whether you need support or just a place to vent. I'm sending you a big virtual hug and all my very best wishes. x 

What a little sh!t but you well shot of !  My friend kicked her husband out after finding out he had been having an affair for 6 years.  She cancelled a holiday as she was diagnosed with BC but he didn't want to lose money so went with a friend !  Turns out he met the other woman on holiday !  The other woman rang my friend over a year ago to say she was in a relationship with her husband but he said it was over blah blah.  Then a year later the woman rang again !  This time she kicked him out and apparently he's living with other woman while he took my friend to court to get let back into house .  Judge said he couldn't so he ordered my friend to get out too , one week before Xmas.  She was homeless, late sixties sleeping on sofas!  She's back in house now until it sells! On the positive side she feels better mentally as he was mentally abusive , denying her access to car , blaming her ill health for his affair etc!  

Thank you for your message,  I had my last chemo on Monday. He hadnt been bothered since my diagnosis. It's been very tough. I have to have surgery next. Thing is, he left and had moved in with his parents in a different county? Hes broken lockdown rules and will no doubt want to come and get his clothes. Surely I'm going to be at massive risk bow from coronavirus?????? 

Firstly,  virtual hugs to you.  I must agree with the others that he sounds thoughtless and immature. He should be supporting you through this emotionally and physically difficult time, and if he found your diagnosis difficult to cope with then how  does he think that you feel?? It's a horrible,  horrible thing to do to you, and please don't let it reflect on how you feel about yourself. You deserve support and love,  not this!

Have you told your family what has happened yet so that they can support you? It's a difficulty time under normal circumstances,  but you are going  through an awful lot and need support.  We're  are all here for you to talk to, but you need to have their support too..  Maybe if they live close enough they could help you box up his belongings and put them somewhere out of sight until they can be collected? 

Have you someone to take you to and from the hospital when you have your surgery, and maybe stay the  night? You're going to be running through lots of emotions right now,  and the  anasthetic will make them  seem more so... 

This will all pass in time,  and you still have your family and friends. Summer is coming,  and you  will heal both physically and emotionally in time:) Take care and know that we are all sending you our love xxx

Hello

Yes, I told my family and friends today. He did this to me a few years ago but this time I've told them. I've been fearing for my life and hes appeared to smile at times. A few chemos ago I passed out on the bathroom floor and he didnt help me. He just stepped over me. He lithas torn my heart out.

Ok this is serious and you need to inform police .  They can prevent him coming to your house.  Tell your family what's gone on and your fears etc.  Accept offers if help from trusted family & friends.  You will get through this though I know it's bad timing you will soon be cancer free and everyone says they yearn for their 'trouble ' free pre cancer life but the reality is that your post cancer life is rewarding too xx

Hello

I've filled in a form online just now reporting him but can I ring the police then? As a 999 or 111? Hes literally gone into another county 

Ring 111 but if you feel under immediate risk 999.  You can also search online for your area domestic abuse help line

www.gov.uk/report-domestic-abuse

.