I am 2 months after last chemo and 5 days before I start radiotherapy. I am usually positive but today feeling really low.I don't know if it's mood swings after Tamaoxfinen or being at isolation but... I looked at the mirror and see no boob ,no hair ,no eyebrows,no eyelashes and a lot additional weight. I know I should be happy that I am alive but just want to cry instead. My husband try to talk to me but he is making thing worse when he says" I know what you are going through". Seriously I don't think anyone without cancer can't even imagine how it is. I know that my hair will grow etc but nothing will be the same ever again and I won't be the same and it sucks... Sometimes I don't want to do it anymore.W up every day and put up with all of this
Hi Sparklers85
I do really feel for you (and everyone who's going through this at the moment!). I do believe it's not just one thing, like you say, but a combination of everything. The isolation on top is just the 'icing on the flipping cake' at the moment for you. I didn't need chemo when I was diagnosed nearly 3 years ago and I can still remember those feelings. Nowadays, with the pandemic my mood is a little lower than normal and whether we realise it or not, the pandemic is having a massive impact on mental health of the whole nation - let alone those who are going through cancer treatment. Don't beat yourself up for feeling like you do, accept that you have been dealt a very rough hand and at some point you will start to feel better.
I can honestly say, that I didn't feel like 'myself' until this last Christmas. I was stunned by how much being diagnosed with cancer had such an effect on my mind. And, like I say - I didn't even need chemo!
People (partners/friends etc) will say they understand, but we all know that unless they are diagnosed - no-one can truly ever understand. It's not their fault - they think they do and because they see the physical effects, they truly think they do.
Just hold onto the fact that some day it will be better. It won't feel like it now, but you will get there. (i'm over a stone more in weight and I think that's due to the Anastrozole - the post menopause of the tamoxifen tablets) and yet I exercise more than I did before. When I was really low, I tried to find one thing a day that would cheer me up - often it was my visiting blackbird in my garden (he's gone now as he was an old boy) who would come really close to me to ask for his daily grapes. Now, it's the pigeons who sit in my birdbath having a drink... just find one small thing every day that will make you smile.
But most of all, be kind to yourself.
Kindest wishes,
