Moving on

Dear Lucy51,

I am not sure if you have posted on here before, your name doesn't ring a bell with me at the moment. I just wanted to say or suggest a few things.  Firstly, if this is your first post, 'Welcome to the Forum/Group' that none of us wanted to join.  Put being here really will help you through all this.

You will realise you are not alone with your thoughts and the way you are dealing with all this.  You have to remember we have all gone thought, others are going through and some are just starting out on this journey.  

We are thrown in 'into the deep end' and have no chance of time to grieve for the very person we was a few seconds before the diagnosis - we have gone, changed forever.  This whole journey is new to us and we are about to embark on what will most likely be one of the biggest, scariest journeys of our lives - for most we don't get given chance to work out what is going on or to question treatments, etc. the ride has started and we are on it...... you feelings are totally normal.

As for the coming anniversary, I posted about my experience at my first year..... for some reason most of us will think of anniversaries as good times, celebrating, etc...... you would think with the treatment started or even completed that we would feel good about this..... wrong, totally wrong on my part - I think this is when I started to re-live and take in what had happened a year ago - for at the time 'I was in a totally different place' - I was on that ride, scared as scared can be - knowing I have to be on that ride and wait for it to finish.  So get ready for the tears, the upset, the different emotions all popping up - it is all natural, you are slowly find 'your way' thought this - there is no time frames, no 'you should feel like this now' or feel like that - it is your journey - you are getting there.  

Finally, please remember 'don't be hard on yourself' think what you have gone though and if you can't see it that way - think of what you would be saying to someone else that as gone thought what you have.

Here is a link to a short writing that others have talked about, I have downloaded it, but to be honest as of yet not had chance to read it.... it might help.

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cfs-file/__key/communityserver-discussions-components-files/38/6242.after-the-treatment-finishes_2D00_then-what.pdf

I've just looked at your last sentence 'only having surgery'!!!!! it is not only, it's a big thing, the stress and pressure at the start, the operation is a classed as major to your body. You really have gone thought so much, you have done amazing. You will get thought this - give yourself time, one day at a time.

Sending virtual hugs xxxx

I meant to add..... the 'be kind to yourself' is in a way..... words you have said on your post, you are saying you haven't coped, yet you can do anything you want, yet you can't cope, etc.....

The be kind to yourself is ..... to realise what 'you' have gone though, the loss of the person you was, then new person you are now..... don't beat yourself up if you get upset, or angry, if you feel lost - 'be kind to yourself' yourself 'inside' you is struggling, you have come so far and are now seeing or feeling what has happened.  Be kind to yourself, left yourself know its okay to grieve for the person you  was, its okay for you to be unsure of things - take a deep breath in and say to yourself how far you have come.

Treat yourself how you would if this was someone else - soon you will move forward, slowly, one step and one day at a time. You can and you will move forward xxx

Hi Lucy51,

Be kind to yourself, having a diagnosis of cancer is a total shock to the system, and even if it’s removed swiftly you’re still left with lots of ‘what ifs’!

I too ‘only’ had surgery and then a minimum of 5 years in Letrozole, my Mx was in April 2018 so two years ago, actually today! But had to be all redone on the 4th too as I’d bled badly, even the implant had to be redone. 

I’m still here, still posting, still moving on bit by bit and gaining confidence again bit by bit! But if you look at my profile you’ll see I have Cancer outcome worries far greater than just for myself. 

sending you love and a big hug xxx

Hi Whathappened, (Great name!) 

thank you for your lovely reply. I have posted before but tends to be the same subject, being able to understand where I am. 

Ive always coped with difficult things in the past but this just floored me. I’ve dealt with it mainly by myself as didn’t want to burden anyone and my husband as brilliant as he’s been isn’t great with the emotional stuff. You’re right I would be kind and compassionate to anyone else who had been  through this but for some reason I don’t feel that way about myself. If someone else told me the surgery & treatment they’d had I’d think that was a lot to deal with, but for myself I just feel a failure for not coping. 

Thinking back to this time last year I feel the same fear and anxiety I did then which is very hard. 

I was about to contact my BCN to ask to be referred for counselling just as everything shut down. Once some kind of normality returns I will do. I had some counselling with a local cancer charity but was limited as to how much I could have and whilst it helped a bit I feel it wasn’t enough. I really don’t comprehend what I’ve been through so am no where near accepting it yet. 

I find it very reassuring when others reply and say they’ve felt the same and am very grateful for your support, take care xx 

Hi Moomy, 

thank you for your reply, hope you’re ok today and glad things are moving forward for you xx

Hi Lucy51

Please don’t apologise for how you’re feeling. It’s natural to have these feelings for a long time after going through such a traumatic event as cancer treatment. We’re all different and you have a right to your feelings. I like what Whathappened said about recovering ‘bit by bit’. I’m 2 years out from treatment and I still have panics but they’ve lessened over time. 

As you’re struggling to access face to face help at the moment, can I suggest some reading?  I really appreciated a book called ‘The Cancer Survivor’s Companion’ by Dr Frances Goodhart. She’s a UK psychologist so it’s a great, no-nonsense approach to handling your feelings post-cancer treatment. You should still be able to order books from Amazon or the like (I’m a fan of World of Books who do good quality secondhand books). Also, not directly related to cancer, but I really love any of Dr Rangan Chatterjee’s books on general health and well-being. He’s written 3 now and perhaps see what appeals to you most. His first book, The Four Pillar Plan, gives fantastic advice on basic ways to look after ourselves. It really helped me in my recovery because it gave me something to positive and practical to focus on - the pillars are around good diet, exercise, prioritising sleep and relaxation. All sensible, doable stuff. 

Really hope this helps. All the best,

Linda x

Hi Linda, 

thank you for taking time to reply I really appreciate it. I’ll definitely look for the cancer survivors book online, sounds like what I need. 

I know what everyone says is right that it takes time but sometimes it’s feels very hard. It’s pretty lonely going through all this as friends and family have moved on and assume I’m ok and I find it hard to explain why I’m still feeling like this. 

Being able to post on here has really helped when it becomes overwhelming, 

thank you again xx