Hello everyone
Im a new member to this forum. last July I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.
I had a full mastectomy in September followed by full axillary clearance in October. Chemotherapy started early December , I’m on EC-P ...3 sessions three weeks apart, then early Feb it will be weekly for 9 weeks.. the Radiotherapy, then Tamoxifen and another hormone drug both for 5 to 10 years..
i have just finished the third of 3 double whammy chemos, and all though I got infects in session one and two...with a spell in hospital for both, my side effects have been minimal. The 3rd session last week was more unforgiving, sinus issues acid reflux, constipation, stomach pain, headaches, scar pain armpit pain.......but the side effect no one mentioned was LONELINESS......
in the 6 months I have had this disease...two people have visited me. Once, and twice....
if I don’t ring people no one rings me, if I don’t visit people no one visits me...my company have contacted me twice in last 10 weeks that I’ve been off during chemo...one to tell me I’ve been over
id again, and the other one was a generic letter saying I had failed to attend a scheduled training day, a repeat of this could lead to disciplinary procedures.... I was more angry that a human person in HR could not input into a computer that I was off work sick....
the loneliness sort of crept in from day one really, the surgeon telling me I had breast cancer, then for the next ten minuets directed all the information to my Wife, as though I wasn’t even in the room...I lost the plot and said ...It’s Me who has Cancer not my wife.........
Then the days weeks and months that followed were littered with, people I know avoiding me, and office full of people who knew, but said nothing, friends not calling, family ring to start then the gaps in between get longer...6 months on no sibling has visited me......
The worst is when you visibly see people avoid you, I watched a person I have known for thirty years cross the street to avoid a conversation.
Then there are situations in hospital, or at events.....when people say “ Breast Cancer, but your a man” “men don’t get breast cancer do they “,......
so then your not only struggling in a very pink world ( and rightly so) but your a liar, or a some kind of weirdo to be avoided at all costs.
Now I am happily married for 30 years have grown up sons and have grand kids......but I can’t tell them my inner fears, the things that keep me awake all night...I can’t explain the pain, the mind numbing confusion I feel or the inner abandonment this shitty illness leaves you with, why.? Because I don’t want to add to their own pain and anxiety.
We have a sister in law with inoperable lung cancer, ( diagnosed three Weeks after me) and a friend of the family with terminal pancreatic cancer......we are surround by Cancer....so it’s no wonder I don’t talk about mine....
so then the loneliness really takes hold......I rang the hotline here today, who suggested this forum so I have done just that...
i had once tried another on line support group, but was told because I was a man , it may not be appropriate, because the ladies of the group needed to feel able to discus ladies issues without concern a man was in the group.....
that reaction was not a standard reaction but I was unlucky to have tried that one first....it knocked my confidence and highlighted I was in a very tiny minority.....
so if anyone out there has tips to beat this loneliness I’m all ears.......
im just glad I could put this thought out there, instead of storing it all up in my already cluttered head.
many thanks
