Hi, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Sept 2019 (after burying my head in the sand for 2 years, I just don’t do “being ill”) and had a left side mastectomy with node clearance in October. This w
s followed up with 3 weeks of radiotherapy in December ending on 20/12/19. I had a month off work after surgery then returned to my office job and worked through my radiotherapy treatment as I wante get back to “normal!!” Many have said I’ve pushed myself too hard as it all happened very quickly and perhaps I didn’t give myself time to come to terms with what was happening. Currently strugglin with emotions as I feel in limbo I think and feeling very alone, can cry at the drop of a hat this week. I have fabulous friends but I feel distant and struggling with the fact that after treatmentyou go from seeing your health care team seemingly every week to not having an appointment for months. People think it’s all happy when treatment ends but I’m still scared/angry/and every feeling under the sun. I’m meeting with my breast care nurse next week so hoping she can give me some coping techniques. Also talking to her about effects of Tamoxifen as I have currently been on my period for 3 weeks and think this may be contributing to my mood. Does anyone relate and have any tips as I’m beating myself up for being on a downer. Sorry for pouring my sole out xx
Hi Santababy
What you are feeling in perfectly normal, so don't feel bad about thinking your emotions are letting you down.
(a) the Tamoxifen is stripping you of oestrogen which is the feel good hormone, so that's definitely contributing to your mood and
(b) I was like you, I only had a couple of days off work for the operation (lumpectomy and sentinel node clearance only) and worked through radiotherapy. It does mean that you don't get time to think as it's all a rush of appointments, work and support from the hospital and then when you're done......
I am 2.5 years down the line and I do think that it was this Christmas that I first felt 'normal'. The having been diagnosed with cancer really does bring your mortality home to you doesn't it? No-one, not even my partner understood and he even said once "you've done it now, so we can forget about it", so I felt I couldn't even talk about having had cancer after a couple of months of finishing treatment. But the fact that you have had it, it's not like a broken arm or something, it's been there and it fills your mind with dread doesn't it? Gradually that will ease, but you can ask for some counselling when you see your BC nurse to help you through. You are in effect grieving - grieving for the loss of the old you, the happy go lucky one who didn't think about dying etc. Also, having lost a breast. For me only losing part of mine, it upset me to have a huge dent and it felt like part of my woman hood had been taken.
As you say, having been on your period for 3 weeks is also going to be getting you down! and hopefully the team can help you with that.
Be kind to yourself and don't expect too much of yourself either!
Best wishes,
lesleyhelen, thank you so much for letting me know I’m not loosing the plot, hearing from people who have actually been through it helps enormously as friends are massively important but for all the will in the world they can never understand what games your mind plays on you never mind your body. I’ve had a terrible time accepting the change to my body and still, 3 months down the line, have trouble looking at my non boob. This forum is amazing and I have spent the whole day scrolling through people’s story’s picking up tips and gaining encouragement that I can do this.
take care and look after yourself
Anne xx
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Hi , wow thank you for that, it’s a powerful read and picks up on all the feelings I have at the moment, I think I will get my boss to have a read so he can understand more too, he is really understanding but it’s not always easy for me to put into words how I’m feeling and how this is impacting how I’m existing at the moment.
huge hugs to you xx
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