Just marking time at Xmas.

I’m sorry you feel like this Froggy. (Do you mind if I call you Froggy) It’s not too late to enjoy some Christmas but maybe change your tradition and try something different. I really felt like I couldn’t be bothered with it this year (am waiting for surgery and a bit fragile) but it turned out lovely because I was so not bothered about it. I bought all the food ready prepared from Waitrose so it took all of 30 mins to cook through and tasted delicious and no washing up. I bought a few presents but didn’t stress over them and we just went for a walk in the sunshine in the afternoon. Do you have anything simple you enjoy that you could do with your family/friends? Feed the ducks, go for a walk and have a wintery picnic, have a bonfire and hot chocolate, play board games? Anything really, just simple pleasures x 

FroggyinFrance

you wont be the the only one feeling disconnected,in the last few weeks everything has changed for you .

Think about it this way ....if someone you knew had major surgery and been told they would need further treament , what is it three weeks ago ? Would you expect them to be physically fit enough let alone mentally prepared for a big party ?

Don't think so !! You're exhausted ! 

You need to be kinder to yourself and stop expecting too much from yourself . It's hard but be honest with yourself and family and say how you feeling . Is it possible to plan one or two days out relaxing or even a break away for a couple of days . 

Im much like you but because I'm further down the road am able to do more I have tired myself out by trying to ignore SE from last chemo . Staying on my feet and joining in cos that's what we women do .

try to rest without worrying about it 

Margaret x

Wise words again, Northener !! :) I need to let go a bit and focus on small achievements. It is true. I spent yesterday afternoon crafting, making a box of games for my toddler great niece (that makes me sound ancient), all out of recycled boxes. Very proud of my efforts. Finished sewing together knitted squares for a blanket. Spent a good deal of time supporting my son on the phone as he has a very poorly dog (great to shift focus away from me). So all in all, I guess it is a question of redefining. I am indeed only 3 weeks post surgery, I still have a waterbed chest and it does get painful. I need to just ... breathe !!!!

Sounds like you nailed it, Mariella. I managed to be almost me on Xmas day, but the effort was immense !! I don’t think the kids noticed the effort though. I was just Mum. We have Xmas part 2 today with lots of family to go to. My first big outing post surgery. A bit apprehensive which is silly as it is all lovely family but even so ...

Enjoy your outing today FroggyinFrance but remember it can be all about you at times  Family and friends will understand . Get hubby to ask in advance if there is a room you can disappear to if you need to recharge batteries . Take a book or magazine for a quiet time then rejoin ,refreshed . I warned my family on Christmas Day that I may do this and they all agreed . I didn't think I needed to ( I am six months post surgery but was day 8 of last chemo cycle ) but should have thenI might have stayed awake beyond 7.30

have fun 

Margaret x

Great advice about the book, i have now got that all sorted with a quiet place for me if needed.

I have started up my own support network as I live in the sticks and no support group near me. I have let all my friends know that I will be in a local café on a certain day and at a certain time - join me if you can. I did it for the first time last week and got 4 friends joining me. Today is the 2nd time. I have at least one person coming. It is a DIY therapy group and the brief is - we don’t have to talk about my illness. Last week, we talked mainly about one of my friends who lost her son a year ago. Therapy for her too. Maybe she will come again today. It was wonderful to talk about something other than C. And I will take a book and if no one turns up, I will have a cuppa and a chat with the owner and then come home again. The 4 friends last week didn’t actually all know each other so they met new people too. Win win !!

That sounds really wonderful Froggy. I wish I knew you. I think lots of people, whatever their circumstances, feel the pressure to be, or do, something at Christmas time. When we shrug that off and ask for what we really need it’s a game changer. Have a super day. Let yourself be loved and cared for without feeling guilty. X x 

FroggyinFrance I thought I would chip in here. I had a mastectomy on 19/12, so I had to buy and wrap all my presents early this year. For the first time ever I had no control over Christmas dinner and I wasn’t making it. We went to my daughters 90 miles away and her and her fiancé cooked Christmas dinner. I felt like a wizened old woman - drain still in from the op and ready for bed by 10 - but it was lovely - totally different from the usual and I think that’s what I will focus on going forward, doing things differently, not the usual habits as this Cancer thing has been life changing. So for 2020 I’m going to start new traditions and patterns. What a great idea the cafe meeting is. 

Palsied a friend on here recommended I got the book the boy, the mole, the fox and the horse - definitely a good read for putting this all into perspective xxx

good luck with the rest of your treatment x

Eileen xxx

Great attitude Holbox123. I like it a lot. My motto is Even Better After so I agree that this is so life changing that it really gets you thinking. My café meet attracted 10 people yesterday . I was thrilled. And all of them went away again after, happy to have taken time out just to be. So it helps me but also helps others too. Onwards and upwards.