Hello
I seem to launch from one stress to another. Waiting for oncology appointment now. All I know is I have primary breast cancer stage 3. Waiting for biopsy to confirm type. Ct scans show it's not spread beyond my lymph nodes which is a relief but I know the daunting treatment ahead. 6 months chemo then surgery then radiotherapy. I've still got the fear of imminent death and feelings of wanting to tun as fast as I can to get away but it will just follow me.
Julie xxx
Hi Charlieandlola, Julie
Don't ever think that these aren't normal feelings, because they are. I nearly died at 17 in a road accident and always felt that every day was a bonus (I was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago at aged 51), but I was totally shocked how suddenly when told that you have a life threatening disease, the thoughts of actually dying become very, very real.
When I was first diagnosed, I sorted out my house - top to bottom, clearing everything out (the charity shops did exceptionally well, especially my local cancer hospice). All my collections that I had spent years and years collecting were donated etc. I sorted out all my files, chucking out anything that wasn't up to date (I've since been irritated that I'd done that when I am looking for paperwork!), I got my 'finance file' 100% up to date, so my executor would have just one file to go to in order to sort out my estate and so on. I stopped short of writing what I wanted at my funeral!
But it is a massive shock to be diagnosed and your brain needs to digest this. I spent nearly a month (from diagnosis to my operation) doing this and afterwards I concentrated on getting well again. (I didn't have chemo. just operation and radiotherapy as I was only ER+ and no spread, although I know if I had needed this it would have made it more difficult to deal with).
Give yourself time to accept that this is a massive, massive shock to your system and eventually it will lessen and perhaps,pass. After my first annual scan, I felt the pressure ease and although there is always the worry of recurrence around the time of the annual - and sometimes sneaking in at other times, the feeling of imminent death does dissipate.
Be kind to yourself and understand just what a huge implication this diagnosis has on you. Mindfulness apps are a good way to try and cope with calming yourself down when you feel particularly panicky.
Fantastic results for you that it hasn't spread to your lymph nodes - try and hang onto this too when you feel this impending doom.
Kindest wishes,
Hi Charlieandlola / Julie
Ah, Ok yes I see what you meant now, sorry for misunderstanding.
Yes, it is so stressful and once you know when your treatment will start, rather than the waiting around for biopsy results then most ladies do find that they feel a little more in control because 'something' is happening and it is the start of our 'new life'. It is never the same old life because it is a huge shift in our perception of life, but you will slowly and surely learn to live with the new you, I promise.
The treatment isn't kind, but you know that it is there to get rid of the awful disease and breast cancer treatment has developed and progressed so, so much. Even to the extent that shortly after my treatment ended new treatments were around that meant that my treatment plan may have changed from what I actually received. The survival rates for BC are one of the highest because of this continued research and development.
Do whatever you need to to get through the waiting - scream, shout, cry and above all look after yourself. Let others look after you!
Kindest wishes,
Hi Charlieandlola, Julie
Oh crikey! Please can you ring the number below and speak to someone at Macmillan? They are there for you whenever you need them.
Writing on this forum is good, but it is no replacement for speaking to a real human being who can really offer you support one to one.
I know it won't feel like it, but I PROMISE it will gradually get better, but in the meantime, please, please ring Macmillan and get the support you need.
Are there any cancer support groups in your area that you could join? Maggies Centres perhaps? Local breast cancer groups? Can you speak to your doctor and perhaps get some counselling? Ask your BC nurse if she has anywhere for you to go? It's important with feeling such as these that you get the right support at the right time.
Kindest wishes,
