Hi everyone!
I'm Rose and I'm new!
Earlier this year, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has since had a lumpectomy (removing the lump, surrounding tissue and a number of lymph nodes) and is currently halfway through her chemotherapy. Following chemotherapy, she will undergo radiotherapy.
Although I do have fantastic support from my partner, dad and other relatives, I wanted to join the community to find others who understand what I am feeling like and what I am going through, as a close relative to an important person (in my life) who has and is undergoing treatment for cancer. People who understand the constant wave of emotions. All the way through her journey so far, my mum has been very strong, brave and she remains very positive. It has been really hard, however, watching my life long best friend suffer from the harsh side effects of her treatment. I am fully aware that this is a lot more about my mum than it is about me and I am constantly doing my best to help cheer her up, keep her strong and provide as much of a helping hand as I can. Between my dad, my partner and I, my mum is very well looked after but my partner is constantly trying to remind me not to forget about how this is all impacting me whilst I am trying to help steady the ship for everyone else.
I'm currently finding it quite hard to keep my emotions at ease, frequently getting upset and finding my 'fuse' to be very short. I feel like the extra jobs I have taken on board to help out at home, dealing with a very full on and stressful full time job, trying to deal with the stresses of other areas (finances, etc) and the constant fear of secondary breast cancer later on, I almost feel like I want to run away screaming!
I will always go up and beyond to do everything I can for my mum. Not only do I love her dearly but it is my duty, especially after the wonderful life that she has provided me. It's just coming to that point where it is all becoming a little bit too much!
Thank you for allowing me to not only join this community but for also letting me ramble on (and for reading it if you have got this far!)
Hello Rose,
I understand. It's very hard for you as well as your mam. I have a lovely daughter just like you who is supporting me through my chemo and is my best friend and we mean the world to each other. She keeps saying she wishes she could take my place because she'd find it easier to bear. The problem is made worse because she lives 300 miles from me, lives alone and has no partner or support herself. She visits me every couple of weeks and has had to give up her job due to stress. She also has health problems herself and worrying about me is making her health deteriorate.
She talks about not coping with emotions well and having a short fuse. I know what you mean. She's trying to live on benefits which means she can pay her rent and utilities and then has no money for food, travel or anything else so it's pretty grim. Benefits just don't cover the cost of living.
You sound as if you're doing all the right things, you've got family around you and you're being a great support to everyone. But don't forget about yourself. Go out with friends, do things just for you that make you happy. Don't feel selfish for enjoying yourself while your mam is poorly. She'll feel better knowing you are having fun. Be aware that your mam might be being strong for you and putting on a brave face when she doesn't feel well so she doesn't worry you, so tell her it's ok to say if she's tired etc. Don't crowd her, give both of you some time and space.
It's ok to feel like screaming sometimes. If you need a good cry have one. If you feel you're not coping well don't wait until you snap. Do something about it now. See your doctor. Work less hours. Your mam needs you so look after yourself first or you won't be there to look after her. Don't be afraid to ask friends for help. They'll be glad to. You're not expected to be superwoman and you might have to let some things go. You can't do everything. But that's ok. You will get through this and so will your mam. She will just be so happy she's got you for a daughter. Try not to look ahead and live for today. When she's having good days like just before her next chemo do nice things together, afternoon tea out, a posh hotel for a few nights maybe.
Let me know how you get on. You can private message me if you like. Cancer affects us all, not just the patient.
Big hugs Babs 
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