Haven't got a breeze

Oh I understand just what you're going through. My husband has dreadful anxiety issues so I was very wary about telling him. Actually it took a while to pluck up the courage as I knew he wouldn't deal well with it. I also didn't want to worry him unnecessarily. In the end I told him when I had the results of the initial ultrasound, mammo and biopsy. And yes he did have an almighty tantrum - anger as a form of trying to cope. 

Generally, I'd say tell him as soon as you can because you'll need the support, but I understand there might be particular things holding you back from saying anything. However, if he already knows you went to the doc about a breast issue (lump?) then there doesn't seem to be much point in not telling him you've got a referral. After all that's standard practice and he may worry if he thinks nothing's happening. 

I should also say that once the initial storm was over, my husband couldn't have been more loving and supportive throughout my treatment and I think me having BC actually strengthened our relationship. 

Wishing you all the best.

Hi 

Welcome and glad you have found us. I understand you treading carefully around your your man... my man has problems which means my relationship dynamics aren't always straightforward.

I will say however, that this is one of those times when you need to put yourself front and centre. This means you need a little you time, a little you space and a little you people. This may not be your partner right now but you do need a safe space in which to let it out all out and to voice fears, anger, fragility, worries, to ask questions, get advice. 

Right here is a good place to start ad we have all that and a shoulder and hug and silly smiles when appropriate. I would still recommend that you have someone with you at your appointments... to be another pair of ears etc . I am sure you have already heard about having a notebook to jot down questions before your meetings and to note what is said.

Has your man enquired as to what is happening? Is he able to physically accompany you? Would it help to have a few leaflets etc? Until you know more about what is happening and have a treatment plan, your head will be all over the place which is perfectly normal.

Is there someone else who understands your man that can be around to help you  both with this? As Kacang  said, once the initial shock is over and the dust settles, he may be fine and you can face this together.

Good luck.