Hi everyone - first timer and still in shock. Had my diagnosis last week and waiting to have a scan next week. Am terrified that it has spread and can't stop worrying.
My wife and I were very much the same as you in the early days of her diagnosis. It's very difficult not to think about what we came to call the 'what ifs'. Eventually we took a somewhat philosophical approach: without knowing more about it, thinking it's all going to be worst case is no more correct than thinking it's all going to be best case. If it's bad, you've put yourself through a load of worry twice. If it's good, you've put yourself through it for nothing. Similarly, thinking it's going to be bad doesn't actually help solve the problem.
From there we took the practical approach of keeping our minds on the present and acting on the facts we had to hand.
Of course, it didn't stop us worrying entirely - we still worry today even though the treatment is finished. For what it's worth, Jen's tumour was very aggressive and has a high chance of returning in force. But we don't know whether it will and therefore choose not to live in fear.
Keeping our minds in a neutral state and not dwelling on the what ifs lets us live our lives to the very fullest.
With that in mind, the community here may be able to shed some light on things for you and perhaps give you some direction on how to prepare? For example, do you have any more details about the tumour? The grade? Whether it's ER or HER2 positive or negative? How big it is? Whether it's been caught early?
Similarly, has the consultant indicated what treatment plan is provisionally in place? This would be particularly useful to know because folk here would be able to offer practical advice on how to prepare and thus allow you to do something that might take your mind off things, if only for a short while.
I hope this doesn't come across as offhanded or in any way condescending. The lessons Jen and I have learned have been through shear necessity. I hope by sharing with you that they help you find your calm centre and refocus on preparing for what's ahead. It's meant very much from the heart.
Shock is I think, what most people feel. In fact when my surgeon gave me the news, he said, “ You do understand what I’m saying, don’t you!”
I think everybody will tell you, waiting for the scans and then the results is really the worse bit, because it’s fear of the unknown.
Please try not to worry, I know it’s far easier to say than to do, try to keep busy, arrange lunch with friends, do whatever you can to try to take your mind off it for a bit. My house has never been so clean as it was when I was waiting for results.
I was the same as you, I thought it would have spread, you just can’t know till you get your results.
Wishing you the best of luck, please let us know how you get on.
Thanks Dom - that really helps. I have my first meeting with the oncologist next week, fingers crossed for something better than what's in my mind! It's grade 2, ER pos (not sure about HER2 at the moment) - I understand this means that I can have targeted hormone treatment. I wish you and your wife all the best.
Thank you Beachwalker19 for your kind words - this is one of the scariest times of my life so far, as I am sure that all of you on here are aware, having been through it (or going through it) at some point. Meeting with the oncologist for the first time next week - fingers crossed for a less than scary outcome...
mine, too, was grade 2 Er+ and I later found out HER2- so no chemo was indicated. I had a holiday booked so my surgeon suggested a sentinel node biopsy as it looked on the mammogram that it hadn’t even got to lymph nodes, and then a mastectomy (with implant, temporary if it was in my lymph nodes, permanent if it wasn’t) after my holiday.
I was ok, fortunately and had the op with permanent implant (a node was checked during that surgery too) and now take what I call hormone busting, or anti-hormone treatment! That’s for 5 years.
My team are caring, thorough and ultra professional and I have tremendous faith in them, as I’ve had a few alarms and they’ve sorted me out calmly and reassuringly each time. They are incredibly busy but always find time.
I hope you have a similar experience (though not with any blips!) and sail through all this
So sorry you're here noswad1. It's so scary. I was sure I had breast cancer as soon as I found the lump. The radiographer's reaction pretty much confirmed it, but also found a 2nd lump, at which point I assumed it had spread and I was a gonner. However, the presence of a 2nd lump did not indicate that but, as s first-timer, how do you know that? I went to hell and back for 4 weeks until I saw the consultant who confirmed it was cancer and that it was small, ER positive and curable. They seemed surprised I wasn't upset at that point! Bit late - I'd done 4 weeks of that. So, the message is, try not to panic when you have the scan. ER+ is the most common type and has the best prognosis of a bad bunch. It's a horrible time waiting. Yes, my treatment is complete and declared clear. I hope your outcome will soon be the same.
