Feeling Low

Hello Israel

You have said some really lovely things. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. It helps a great deal.

Hello Janeejanjan

That is so kind. I don’t feel brave but I am trying!

Hi .  What Carolyn said is so true these drugs do have side effects and some days it just gets really too much  !!!

2012 :my 90yr old dad died, it was a difficult relationship emotionally( explosive temper towards me started when I was 3 yrs old).   but I made my peace with him before he passed away in Hospital. The same year my partner decided that he wanted to relive his youth and split up with me.

2013: I was diagnosed with initial breast cancer low stage 2 so had lumpectomy and radiotherapy  ( included radiotherapy damage). Next Cellulitis then Lymphoedema in op breast, both cleared up.  Then 10 yrs of Arimidex ( Astra Zeneca) anti oestrogen tablets. I was told by Oncologist at that stage;  no evidence of disease. I wish I had known at that time the reoccurrence for breast cancer is one in three. Another  Oncologist informed me of this. 

2016 :My 92 yr old mum had a fall in a Care home ( a really nice one ) and died of a Pulmonary embolism, just as I arrived following a 5 hrs journey to visit her. I had not told her that I had been diagnosed with initial breast cancer as she was emotionally frail ( like my dad). She had been adopted ( not in a kind family).  I had to deal with all the aftermath of her death completely  on my  own as no siblings and I have no children. Her brother ( not blood) had also been adopted, at 90 he attended the funeral driven by his second wife’s daughter.  

2018 : Diagnosed 4/1/18  with Secondary Breast Cancer with Mets stage 4. Without treatment told by Oncologist 6-18 months. With treatment a number of years possible.  Last summer post isotope bone scan I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis at the base of my spine this causes me back pain. 

In between all that I’ve worked full time as a youth worker in North London, for a local authority ( 18 yrs) . Now retired on ill heath grounds.

Nov 2018 : blood clots in lungs ( 1 in 10 people with cancer get DVT legs or lungs blood clots read this on a poster in Chemo waiting room) to present Daily stomach injections at GP ( blood thinner Tinzaparin) and DN visits weekends. I hate needles. Hope to go on tablets beginning of June, 

Today and yesterday,  felt really  low in particular, finished my 2 weeks chemo tablets cycle ( Capecitabine) and as usual wipe out tiredness. Cold sweats, Visited surgery Nurse following  injection called in GP ( really lovely person) who advised me to go to A&E ( she provided letter) & ordered me a taxi, I was going to get bus. 

Yesterday:  arrived at A& E on my own, had bloods taken, chest X-ray ( bringing up green phlegm). Whole process took 5 hours, I got bus home at 11:15pm, highlight : passed a hedgehog out on a night walk. 

Bloods:  white cells,  low but not dangerous, chest X-ray clear.

Today:  visited Oncology Centre for next weeks 2 week cycle  I’m on my 7 days break. Just broke down and cried, Chemo nurse said  you probably have an infection in lungs. I showed her phone pic of gunge. So tomorrow I’m to ask for antibiotics, when I have my daily injection,  I’m wondering if I should also increase to a higher dose of Duloxetine ( anti d). 

I will also contact the Macmillan counsellor too, as feel completely fed up. Thank you for reading.

Judith xx

hug ????

Carolyn

xxx

Yes please Carolyn28 

Xxx  

the weather isn't being kind, the hot / cold cycle allows germs to breed, then we feel rough

I was reading the other day about working v retirement and although I've always claimed I could lie on a beach doing absolutely nothing I was beginning to question that, not a lot, but then I'm never really going to get the chance, I've no huge pension pot to keep me going so I'm probably destined to work until I drop.

Finding something to motivate me to get up, get dressed up, get out, do something constructive or at least positive has always been a challenge and the slightest thing becomes a insurmountable hurdle, like finding something to wear ... my ex actually said to me one day, jokingly ...

"would you like me to call the office and tell them you're not coming in because you can't decide what to wear?"

I was like ... would you ?????    genuinely grateful that he'd had this insight ... but he laughed, which is probably why he's my 'ex'

Did you find your job quite fulfilling ?

Would they welcome you back part time, as you felt up to it ? Do you think that might help with a sense of purpose ?

Helping others cheers me up. Sometimes people are very grateful, even for the pandas, and it really lifts my mood. 

Working with young people in North London might have been a challenge but must have been rewarding ?

Carolyn

xx

Hi

Blood completely at boiling point reading your post. Why the hell could the GP not give you a prescription for Antibiotics if your were bringing up green gunge??? Why A and E?? maybe I haven't read it correctly will go back and read again. But really its not good enough you trailing around so poorly.

Probably not meant to say this but I always take Olive leaf extract for any infection particularly chest infection and I always have some in the cupboard, I will put a link up. Obviously you need to check with your Doc/Onc but as they treating you so shabby...

Olive Leaf Extract is traditionally used in Western herbal medicine to RELIEVE SYMPTOMS OF COLDS & FLU, coughs, sore throat and upper respiratory tract infections. ... 

Hi Helen,

I think the GP thought that she was doing her best sending me straight to A& E with an explanatory letter regarding my symptoms. A&E were immensely overworked and full of patients, including Dementia patients too.

So that was the reason it took them 5 hrs to take my bloods and do a chest X-ray. I felt so tired, it just seemed like 1:5 hrs to me. I was put on a covered trolley in a side room with a closed door, so the nurses were trying to protect me from further infection. 

I saw my nurse today at GP’s for daily blood thinner injection. I took a urine sample and have a UTI so was given a 3 days prescription for an antibiotic ( took first one this evening). 

I am interested in the olive leaf extract and will definitely look into it ! Thanks 

Judith xx

Carolyn28,

I so agree with all you write about motivation!!  

I think that I’m still vgrieving in a way for the loss of my former structured working days to that which exists now ... a distinct lack of focus. 

My work was at times challenging. ,, but never dull, with a keen sense of purpose and hopefully making a difference in young people’s lives.

No, bI am officially retired now, my lack of energy would not allow me to return even if I wanted to on a part -time basis. My journey alone was  a 3 hrs round trip each day.  

Yes I am grateful for Panda hugs!

Judith xx