Hello everyone,
Rod Steward can sing about "Hand Bags and Gladrags", I thought we could have "Mammograms and Anniversary's".
A little thread where we can chat about any concerns, celebrate our anniversary's and even discuss our feelings leading up to our anniversaries, all-in-all maybe we can reassure ourselves and each other that we are normal...
For me, I am a little over twelve months since my operation and radiotherapy.
The build up to this first year has amazed me, if not shocked me to how I am feeling, a few months back I was felt like I was moving forward, then a few weeks ago, slowly each day feeling a little lower and lower in myself and the bouts of anger came back, well, I say anger, more like temper and throwing mini tantrums. It truly doesn't make sense, I thought I'd be on top of the world, twelve months passing and the start of a fresh new year.
For your pleasure, here is one little tantrum, please feel free to laugh...
I had purchased a cheap pair of reading glasses from a well know shop.. £ ... These glasses kept falling off my head... okay I say, I'll give you something to fall off for and proceeded to calmly 'try' to break them in half, they would not break, they bent in half and the one lens came out.... I felt quite happy that I had got my own back (nutter alert) at the same time, thinking what on earth is wrong with me.
My thoughts on why I am feeling low a year on, maybe when this first happened we got dropped with the bombshell then we got straight on to that roller coaster of a ride - maybe we were whisked away with all that was going on that we do not have time to take in our own feelings during this time, we got on with what has to be done.
Now as the anniversary approaches we have time to look back, maybe even without knowing we are doing this, we look back at what has happened and maybe even grieve for our old self that we lost overnight and what we were put though, could this be why the first year effects us in such a way?
Well, moving forward, I had my one year mammogram, oww my, ouch this was so painful. The first couple I had last year didn't feel like this, previously, it felt like a 'slight' pressure pressing on my boobs, nothing too painful. This time I actually said to the young girl taking the mammogram that it was very painful, she said, its because my boobs are dense and they need to be able to see clear, it felt the same with both boobs. Three days later and the boob that had the operation still feels tender (can't explain how it feels, as if its swollen - although I don't think it is). Ouch indeed!
Whilst on my way, many thoughts started going around in my head - I wonder if any of you lovely ladies can ease my mind...
Can mammograms be 'very' painful, to the point that even a few days after the boob on the operation side can still feel tender?
Could a mammogram that is pressing my boob so much cause the area that was operated on to go on a develop 'it' again?
Would the pressures on the boob from mammogram machine be operated by a 'built in sensor/with an automatic stop' or would the young lady doing the mammogram be in control of how much pressure was applied?
I did notice a little one dot on the screen, I had to ask young girl what it was, to be told you can get all type of things, bleeds etc - again coming home I was thinking owww could the squashing have made my boob bleed - I don't have any bruising, thank goodness.
So you can see 'one year mammogram and anniversary' for me is not how I'd expect it to be......
On the plus side, I have been told the mammogram was fine, nothing to worry about - yahhhhy
I now have to put this experience behind me and stop over thinking, things like, could this cause problems for the future aaarrghhhh
I'm going, I'm waffling xxxxx
I’m coming up to my 1st anniversary, found my lump a year ago but it wasn’t until December that I had my mammogram, scan and biopsy - results then in the New Year ( Happy New year to me 
). I have to admit I feel a bit up and down emotions all over the place and then week before last I had my letter for my first routine mammogram as I’m now 50! Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. When I phoned them they said I don’t need to go to as i’ll be having mine at the hospital not Tesco car park ( that’s where the unit used).
I was wondering if my anniversary check up is 12 months from December or when I had the all clear in April? Not looking forward to it at all xx
That's a good toys out of the pram moment.
As you know I had my recent mammogram and the lead up was tense, the weeks of waiting scary again and the joy of getting the letter more overwhelming than the diagnosis. I am sure I cried more and read the letter again and again and again.
Some people do find mammos painful I never did, but due to 3 ops I popped 2 paracetamol. I've never been well endowed tbh.
NO WAY can a mammo do that or they would never ever do it again. Then again if they didn't do one how would they know what was lurking. Come on lovely its genetics and hormones
The mammographer will be in charge and more than anything so will YOU. You got stop, WTF, hold on.
Remember that boob had a lot of scrummaging around in it (well it is the rugby soon). It has scar tissue and one year on does not mean it no longer aches or twitches or twinges
Waffling allowed
And that's a big celebration needed
Hugs
Remember
Leolady56
Life is like a boxing match, defeat is declared not when you fall ..... But when you refuse to stand up again ....... So, I get knocked down but I get up again. x
The annual is the date of your first mammogram - so although it's an annual the first one isn't really. I finished all my treatment in October 17 and my mammogram (in Tesco car park too!) was in June 17. The follow up annual was June this year.
Hi WhatHappened
I agree with you - it's a range of emotions on the lead up to the anniversary. It was all such a shock being diagnosed that a lot of it is thinking 'I can't go through that again'. Following it, we are in the 'flight or fight' mode from diagnosis until the first anniversary - perhaps it's an automatic low where we aren't fighting anymore?
I told my mammogropher to squeeze mine hard as I didn't want any doubt as to results. This was June and it's only recently that I have felt that I can start lifting heavier objects without it feeling swollen (ie having to pull my strap from under as it feels too tight). I wasn't bruised at all. Finally a couple of weeks ago I was doing some heavy weed pulling /carried heavy shopping bag without any ill effect. So, I reckon a few days of tenderness would be a good result 
I guess they tell us all the time that radiotherapy/ mammograms can cause cancer - but what's our alternative? I guess we just have to be positive that every year we're going to be 'safe again' and cope with being tense/low on the run up and until we 'forget' about it again until next year!
WhatHappened; Millie2018; Leolady56; lesleyhelen;
Hi ladies thought I would pop on here as bored at work and share my own thought with you.
Firstly WhatHappened think this is a great idea to have a separate thread for anniversaries (plus I love Rod Stewart and he got a mention!!!).
So, my first year on and must say I don't feel like any of you do.
I was glad when my last chemo finished and rung the bell very, very loudly!! Then started RT and after a couple of false starts finally finished end of July.
After that I was back at work so probably didn't think about it too much only that I was so happy it was all over.
My first mammogram, again, didn't worry me. It didn't hurt any more than usual and my thinking was if they find anything then 'what the hell has all that chemo been for????' It was clear by the way!!
Now my worst fears are the next one's each time as who knows if it will come back?? and each year , I know, will be a very tense wait.
So, all in all I feel back to normal and often forget what has happened, I must be good at blocking it all out!!!
Love Edwina xx
Back here again for hubby diagnosed with oesophagus cancer - Sept. 2021 
You’re allowed to scream - You’re allowed to cry - But do not give up
MAMMOGRAMS save lives, I'm the proof!!!
7 rounds of chemo, finished 30th May 2018. 15 zaps of radiotherapy, finished 26th July 2018.
I Survived .......... Sadly my hubby did not.
Hello Ladies,
You might want to go and get a coffee, tea or even a drinking chocolate and for those having trouble sleeping, you might just drop off in the middle of this post - so, in advance 'sorry for the long post'...
Thank you so much for replies, I am sure ladies coming this way will take comfort in knowing what we have gone through and how we have felt during this time....
Millie2018 - I wouldn't know what to say with regards to when to have first mammogram following treatment etc. My first mammogram was in the September and treatment was in the October, so having mine mammogram in October was neither here or there in the bigger picture. Saying this I've just read, as you will LesleyHelen says mammogram are normally a year on from having the first one.
Leolady56 - You are a God send to us on here, you are always here ready to offer advice and support and I thank you for this. You have travelled this path and understand our worries and concerns. Although that mammogram was painful on the plus side I was told the same day that all looks clear.
Sorry ladies, but, I do find it comforting to know I am not alone in finding mammograms painful, reading this does give me comfort and reassurance (my goodness, it really was painful, I thought my boobs where going to explode).
Leolady56, you have hit the nail on the head, I do have the "WTF, Hold on, WTF Just Happened" syndrome, it had kicked in without me realising (hence my screen name too) haha
lesleyhelen - You are right, I agree with what you have said, knowing we have used up so much energy worrying over the past 12 months and longer for some that we do have that feeling of 'I can't handle this, I can't do this again' and then slowly trying to come to terms with it all, little by little moving ourselves forward, in our new world, in our own time, slowly one step at a time - hoping no one or anything will push us backwards..... See how different we are, here is me worrying at how hard I was squished and there's you saying squish as hard as they like - this makes me feel better too owwww.
- I am sorry you suffered pain too, I hope this helps you knowing your not alone, it certainly helps me... sorry. I do believe this is why it is so good that we share our experiences, I think doing this all helps each other.
Hey maggiemee, we don't think you're mad, remember you are surrounded by nutters and fruit loops on here, mad you are not haha.
See how every person is different, you have gone through all this, knowing you can feel a lump, then the lump moves, and you get told all clear!! Thank goodness you had the ultra sound. I would of liked an ultra sound for reassurance, I asked and was told there was no need. I did have an ultra sound around 6 months back because I could/can feel small lumps/bumps under my skin sort of between my breast area and my neck (décolletage, I do believe haha). these were looked at with the ultra sound and I was told they are nothing to be concerned about.... hmmm far easier to be said than for me to actually do, especially after all that has gone on arrrgggh.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, it really does help.
taralou - I am pleased you like the idea, I think it will be good for other ladies travelling along this road, they will be able to read about the 'up and the downs' and know all the different feelings are normal. A few weeks ago I seemed to be in a 'good place', at times, like you was even able to keep it out of my mind (that is until a TV advert or radio advert came on and reminded me).
As the anniversary was approaching, I could feel myself slowly getting and feeling lower and lower, maybe it was the worry of the 'What If's' or as Leolady56 so rightly said, maybe I had the "WTF, Hold on, WTF Just Happened" syndrome was creeping in.
It's good for us to read that you are back to normal, as for the forgetting what happened, this is good. I am good at this too, for me it is definitely a 'blocking it out', even denial, not wanting to even give 'that' word the time of day. Another coping mechanism.
I will stop typing soon, just making sure you are all falling asleep...
Ladies "Thank You" all for sharing your experiences, they have helped me a great deal and I am sure they will help others heading along this journey.
Myself, I have always looked at Anniversary's has a time to celebrate a happy time. I guess, for this occasion, the first anniversary consists of remembering a Roller-coaster of a ride that we were pushed onto and now we have just got off.... needing a little time to take it all in, adjust and settle in to the 'new' us!!! Phewwww what a ride.
and on that note......
To all ladies and gents approaching your mammogram or your anniversary...
You are in our thoughts ~ Life can get better - if we find a way to let it 
and with this ladies and or fruit loops, I hope you have all dropped off to sleep - sweet dreams xxxxx
Hi Millie2018
i asked and was told it’s a year from my operation , I was diagnosed on 3rd January ( will never forget that date ) and had my MX on 6th March and they agreed with me it would be March 2019 . Because I had a mastectomy they only mammogram the “good” it better stay good too !!! Breast . As my reconstructed breast is tummy tissue !
Dare say that will be another worrying time !
Love
Ruby Rose 
