AWAKE.........

Thanks Fruit loops for all your wise words of wisdom! I had reached the decision that I would go to Exeter Cathedral on the day of Jenny’s funeral and take some time to be with my thoughts and remember the good times we had together! 
Then just to seal the deal, this morning I received a text from the hospital to say I have a Endocrinology appointment on that day….typical! Very grateful that I had already made my decision as I would of hated for this appointment to force my hand! 

I think of Jenny often and still go to text her most days! When I have taken a picture that I know she would of loved. It leaves me with a heavy heart, but I know one day I will see her again and that’s enough to remind me that she’s at peace and out of pain and in a better place! 

Sending grateful Hugs to all of you who offered advice and support! Thanks. Sal xxxxx

Just thought I would share with you a photo I took from the living room of the house we are staying at......

Not a bad view or weather for Oct! The house has Bi fold doors and what a lovely view when we opened them properly! 

We were watching the Geese flying over this morning. 9 flying together in formation, very loud but amazing to watch! 

Then tonight we watched the resident bat, go for his fly around the garden at dusk! It really has been such a lovely holiday. With the most fantastic weather. We really have been very lucky!! (Except for my knee playing up, but that's life)

Night night Fruit Loops, sleep well. Sal xxxx

I'm awake!  I was asleep by 9pm but now I feel yucky and have a sort of anxious stomach feeling.  I'm worried about my daughter.  Her OCD still stopping her leaning house - I've not been able to see her physically for over a year despite living just a mile away.  She's under the care of CMH team and is undergoing private counselling but there seems to be be no progress and it's upsetting m3, which I know is selfish as she's not doing it deliberately.  

Not sure what, if anything I can say to help. But Hun you are more than entitled to feel like this. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better. However sadly Mental Health is a very slow process and unfortunately all you can do is watch and wait. Your daughter is getting the help she needs. IF you feel it’s not enough perhaps you could speak to her team and discuss your feelings! 

In fact have you ever thought about seeking some support for YOU as a parent of someone who has major OCD issues? Sadly OCD is thrown around so easily and people use it to describe silly things they do, when in reality true OCD is horrendous and can destroy sufferers lives, if they don’t get help! 

I really hope you can find some support for you and I truly hope that your Daughter turns a corner really soon, as I can see how much you just want to be able to see her face to face.

May I offer you…

ALWAYS here to listen Hun! 

Hope you can manage a bit more sleep! Sending lots of love your way. Sal xxx

Thanks LondonLass.  I tried a support group for parents but they were all with young children so hard to relate to.  Her husband does one for partners.  In her better dats I've read books and discussed with her about my refusal to feed her ocd by responding to her requests for reassurance bur sadly at very low points  I do respond.  She has a degree in neuroscience so has a good knowledge of brain and brain chemistry etc.  She thinks she may have autism.  I suspected this as a very young child as she had issues with textures in food (would suck sauce off food and eject lumps), wouldn't wear socks with patterns if they had string inside, wouldn't wear wool feel jumpers and wanted labels cut out of all underwear.& clothing .  Then age about 9 discovered she could instantly tell you number of letters in any name you gave her.  Derren Brown did this "trick" and said he'd learnt it as a child to manage stress and that it's a control thing.  Along side this she raced to milestones.  I'm quite chilled, I had 8 nieces and nephews who all reached the baby milestone at very different ages but a few years down the  line you wouldn't know the early walkers/talkers etc.  Looking back she was very early .  Crawling vat 4months, walking around furniture and with push along toys at 6 months plus she had 2 words by then; dog and baby - we didn't have a dog.  By 12 months she was taking in sentences.  We used to read with her a lot, with me I had to teach her to read, with my hubby she loved his voices for characters,  They still have voices for her Teddy bears .   But what I remember most was she was independent .  She didn't like cuddles, not even to go to sleep.  She liked to settle herself.  She had incredible focus, liked routine, swam 4 times a week by age 6 as she loved the training .  She was quite obsessed with swimming till about 11. Looking back we can see she's always had obsessive traits that obviously drove her.   So it's sad to see her now unable to leave house, terrorised day and night by intrusive thoughts.  In uni she used to swim early morning to help but she hasn't swum for over a year.   I'm not a fan of the meds.  They haven't improved, if anything I think made worse but she's too scared to stop, 

Mow hubby in snore mode,  Permission to put pillow over his head please !  I'll also kill him again if his arms bleeds on clean bedding.  His psoriasis flared up and  cream taking a while to calm 

Good Evening Fruit Loops,

I hope you are all nicely tucked up and asleep in bed - it's now 3:15am..... I could not keep my eyes open at 8:00pm, went to sleep till 11:00'ish and now just off to bed again - but thought I'd pop on to see how everyone is.

LondonLass Sal, I must say 'what a view' - it looks great, such a nice place for your holiday - the bi-folding doors seem to make a massive difference to a room when open - absolutely stunning.

I think Jenny has arranged your endocrinology appointment to fall on this day - you have made your mind up and this appointment is confirmation that you are doing right - Jenny would understand and what's more the main thing that you did was 'be a friend for Jenny whilst she was here' - you couldn't do any better than this. Hold your head high, remember Jenny fondly and be proud that you was such a wonderful friend 

Grogg, I am so sorry you and more so that your daughter is going through this - the hard thing is 'the way the world is at the moment - it plays straight into the world of OCD' - its cruel and so horrible and only your sweet daughter and her mind can move forward.... when she feels it the right time.

I'm left-handed - takes after me daddy 

I would say get a sowing machine - you can pick them up fairly cheap - its great to do the odd little project.  I will share this with you and hide my embarrassment ...... 'I think it was a great idea'.......

I had brought a few of the (I think microfibre) faux fur throws - not very expensive at all, I had two beige and steel grey... do I confess to this, hahahaha .... here I go.

Well, from the kitchen I have a doorway into the garage and this door blows like anything and also side door ......

so I was thinking how warm these throws are and.... came up with the idea if I fold the one edge 'over and saw it down' I could run one of the 'spring loaded curtain rods' inside it - check the length and either cut the 'other one up and add it to the bottom, or if too long just cut off and fold up and sow again......

Well I did this and you know what - it has made the room so, so much warmer and I will say "I think it looks good" - I'm not sure if anyone else that looked at it would say.... haha look at that throw hanging up ... I don't think you can tell - anyway, with the winter coming it certainly does make a difference - I said to hubby the other day I was going to make a couple more for the other windows (I was greeted with a roll of his eyes).

I've not read my post back to see if it makes sense - if it doesn't, you'll have to add in the missing words - I can't read back now I'm too tired (yawn, yawn, yawn).

Fruit Loops 'Thinking of you all and sending tight, but gentle hugs to you all - Sleep Well, Night Night xxxx

WhatHappenedI love your door idea.  My mother used to do it on our metal windows in winter with wool blankets.  Plus tights stuffed with tights for draft excluders!   I want to make a peg bag.  I made one years ago from old baby dress .  I struggled last week to thread machine and bobbin though.  It's a total beginner class but woman next to me has made her own cushion covers complete with zips!  I don't class that beginner,  As instructed last week bought my fabric quarters , scissors pm pubs and needles .  The course is free which is brill .  

Permission granted - I'll be doing the same with mine if the kicks don't work..... one hole, two shovels - do you think we'll get away with it

He's suddenly gone quiet.  Think I'll try a podcast.  I find the historical royal family ones send me to sleep,  I've done Queen Victoria children, Bloody Mary and Elizabeth 1,  I did a Murder with my husband just now.  Now I'll dream of murders ! 

Good morning all.....and Dicha I guess, like me you are up and your day has started. I'm not in Spain but on the same time zone being just north of Bordeaux. Isn't the weather lovely......mum and I started to plant my bulbs yesterday but it was too warm. We simply sat and had a cup of tea in the sunshine and enjoyed the heat!

My house is full. My oldest son and his partner have made a ' stopover' at ours on their way to a two week holiday. They are coming back to stay afterwards. My youngest son is also here. This Hashimoto 's he's been diagnosed with is taking forever to sort out. He's far from his normal self. It's connected to thyroid so effects his energy levels.

It is now 7 years since the mammogram that found my cancer on Oct 1st 2015. I have to make the appointment for this year's check. The fears never go away do they? But life goes on. A recent CT for cardiology found no deterioration in the artery it was monitoring but gaul stones! This does however explain the crippling groin pain that comes and goes!

Time to get my house up. Morning tea all round. Back to the bulbs for mum and me. We only have another 250 to go.   We're  increasing the daffodils in the grass for next spring plus tulips always need replanting in the flower borders.

Take care all. I am reading all your news and thinking of you. Won't list........but if you've commented in last 3 days I've read you all.......and have thought about your difficult decisions.

Love Karen