AWAKE.........

LondonLass  cheered me up no end!! xx

Morning all, just popping on to say Good Luck to with you DEXA scan! One of the easiest scans I found. It was also one where the lady that did mine told me the results right away and let me see the pictures on the screen which was quite interesting!

Although it is -3 here, LP is wrapped up warm and on his way. LP will NEVER let anyone down......

Hope all goes well Hun and really hope LP behaves!!! He’s not been out to an appointment for a while so he might be a little overexcited  xxxxxxxx

Hello all

Im so worry your having shitty time of late LondonLass pardon the pun good luck to with the scan.

Yes I was still awake till half six I think then fell back sleep mum woke me up at ten for cup of tea I eventually got out bed eleven had meds erc then would you believe it I had dodgy tummy of diarrhoea. So now I'm beginning to think I had a bug some. Sort or was my IBS playing up as can do when stress involved and jense lack of sleep all I can think off is that when I nipped out for sneaky ciggy at one there was strange man walking up our road baring mind we live in village and shone torch up must seen me so dunno if that creaped me out or fact its mums oncology appointment Wednesday so hopefully we get treatment plan but if she has chemo don't wanna see her in discomfort =(

Anyway today for me mixed back slept from one till eight no waking up but woke up back painful took paracetamol then back to sleep till tenish managed spill it everywhere =(. The anyway did my morni routine. Then my day goes rubbish was sorting out my undeeware drawer manage finish it but knacked my back in process ended up crying because I feel like failure I can't do basic stuff like sortingut drawee irs bad enough all medication on the appointment adaption of lifestyle but this really got t me I get so much frustrated and upset so ended up having some oral morphine lunch with my parents now come back to bed sorry for koan fruit loops. Much love 

Thank you to lucky pants keeping me company , they did not give me the results of my dexa scan , they said letter in 3 weeks ......it was completely different from the last dexa I had .....

good luck and best wishes to everyone. X 

Moan away  Cazzy! We all get  it. This is where the psychologist/counselling comes in. They help you to be kind to yourself. They show you ways of coping/understanding. But being sad/angry is all very much part of the 'grieving' process. You are grieving your old life! I'd like to say it gets easier with time and in a way it does, but it NEVER goes away. You will always have days/weeks where you feel angry and frustrated with life....but that's okay. So long as you reach out and ask for help on those days. You don't have to do this alone and you don't need to feel ashamed about your feelings. Dark days are perfectly 'normal' even before Cancer you would of had low mood days! It's just now you have something to blame, the f**king Cancer! But you can't take your anger out on it and that's sometimes where the frustration lies. I've found writing an online journal that can only be seen by me, has helped. I talk to the Cancer as if it's a living person. Yes I know that must sound weird. But it's really helped. It gives me somewhere to focus my anger and at something! Sometimes I just write everything I am thinking, it may just be a page of words, but those words are stuck in my head and as soon as I have typed them I feel a weight has been lifted! Okay it might not solve the problem, but I can leave it there on the screen and deal with it another day, when I feel more able!!

I hope that makes sense and might help you a little. Other than that all I can say is remember you are never alone! All the Fruit Loops are here if you need them. None of this is your fault, so don't waste energy trying to blame yourself. Oh and if you come closer to the screen......... 

Hope your scan went okay  and I really hope LP was well behaved!! Sending you a (((((((HUG))))))) too! Love you guys. Sal xxxxxx

SORRY you must of posted while I was gabbling on ! Glad it went well. Fingers crossed for a good result. Xxx

To br honest LondonLass I'm amazed I hsvent thought of that I love writing and used have online journal ny friend has given me a journal for writing things in nsy start next time I have an episode  like you say its grieving process old life so will pop up again I hope the spinal consultant can do something with my back  to ease the pain

I'm feeling better having lie down fresher clean bedding mum stripped it all new sheet cover pillow cases so me and lister  napping 

Much love tonall 

I’ve been MIA for a little while so been catching up on your Crap chat   

Goid to hear from  but sorry you’ve had such a bad start to 2020.

Hope everyone else is going ok even if sleep seems to avoiding them lately and fingers crossed for good treatment news. 

We had a family weekend in Bristol to see Book of Mormon.  Hubby and daughter’s fiancé bit perplexed why I had bought us all tickets but they absolutely loved show and laughed their little socks off ! It was absolutely brilliant .  
I’m off to bed now as if I stay up I’ll start opening kitchen cupboards looking for inspiration/chocolate 

Night all xxx

Big hugs . Good luck with your dexa results, . I had to wait 3 weeks too!

LondonLass, please could I have LP Thurs am? I am off to Salford Royal again, for dermatology. He likes it there. The 2 BCCs yo seem to have recurred . (can’t remove that yo!!) They may watch and wait, or more surgery.

DH has got in on the act now. He has a skin lesion on his leg which may be Bowen’s or an SCC. Sees GP tomorrow and will probably end up with the same dermatologist!

Love to all fruitloops xxx

Thank you =)

we I had to have more oral morphine before shower irs playing up still hope it's not this bad tomorow I'm going to a spa session and afternoon tea.

I dont know if I told you fruit loops but lister cat has been in few fights over last few years with neighbour hood stray of ginger cat anyway I was minding my own business and head cat flap go thought that's odd because lister on my bed but itnwas ever so slight then thought hang on lister on my bed so sneaked out bathroom quiet as I could then cat flap went loudly and half of listers food was missing there no other cats about and in thought little shit ginger cat been in singles lister wasnt there xxxx

Night night fruit loops, hope you all sleep well,

sleepy fairy dust ready for those who need it....

hugs xxx