AWAKE.........

Well LondonLass that is surely a load of b*******. What on earth was the point in seeing you at all if they have nothing to offer? Nothing even to try?? Sad days indeed.... HFxx

So sorry Sal, LondonLass, what a load of rubbish, no one seems to be telling you anything you don’t know, and no one seems any help. Surely some be with half a brain would say this lady really needs help, we will do our best to help her out. There must be answers somewhere. Xxx

I can't understand why no one has any suggestions.......surely you can't be the only one who has had difficulties with these drugs? Have you had a break before?  I don't know anything about what these drugs actually do......if you have a minute sometime to explain them Londonlass, I might not be the only one. Lots of newcomers on the site lately. Will the break help or not?

It's seems such a waste to go and see a 'trainee' however much she was interested.  It was a locum who missed the warning signs for my neuropathy while my oncologist was on holiday. I know they have to train but it's your life they're training on.

I hope you don't feel too fed up tonight. At least some cooler weather will help a little. .......Had you tried the bamboo nightwear? I really do feel a lot cooler in it and it's warm if I get cold.

Bank holiday here tomorrow.  Luckily it's warm and sunny. My husband wants to take me out to lunch.....I might let him.....

Take care of yourself. Cyber hugs....

Love Karen

I’m not going to waste anymore energy on discussing what happened at my appointment today! Although I will explain more about the drug and taking a break, tomorrow Karen (Lacomtekp)!

Instead I wanted to share with you, something I wrote in my journal last night. After sharing the picture with you yesterday I thought I would share this.....

A Special Little Sleepsuit

My Dreams
My Hope's
My Purpose
My Heart
My Love, all my Love.......
That's what this little sleepsuit means to me!
No tiny fingers
No tiny toes
No little heartbeat and
No button nose
Just a soft cotton suit and
A soft fluffy bear.
Leaving a 'could of been' mummy
With heartache to bear xxxxx

I spoke with a lovely lady at the hospice today, who said buying the Sleepsuit wasn’t weird and that if it helps me to grieve then it has to be worthwhile. She suggested getting a Special box to put things in, then if I wanted to get anything else I could! Made me feel a lot less self conscious and feeling weird about what I had done! 

Goodnight my friends, Sleep Well Fruit Loops xx

Owww Sal, LondonLass,

These words show us of your headache, it is here for all to see, 'it may be a sleepsuit' to someone selling it in a shop or someone looking at it on a rail for sale in a shop, this little sleep suit was put there for you to see and find...

Reading your words shows just how much, more, much more, it is than 'just a little sleepsuit'.

I will say reading your words made me think and fill up, please you Sal, you will get through this, its going to take time thought - and we are here for you.

I think you should type and print these words on some special paper, even frame it and keep them with the sleepsuit.  

Reading your words certainly opens up just how important a place your little sleepsuit holds deep inside your heart.

Wishing you and all the Fruit Loops a peaceful night with restful sleep, xxxx 

LondonLass

I dont post in this thread usually, not because I don't care or admire you all,  but because I usually try and keep away from internet at night.   

But just wanted to send my hugs and love through this difficult time for you. 

In case it helps my God daughter who had a full term baby born sleeping she found huge comfort in raising awareness of still birth to help other people and to promote more research.  Now I realise this is totally different but might fund raising and raising awareness etc into childlessness help you a little  - at the right time if course.  The recent fund raising you did seemed to give you a huge amount of satisfaction.  A way of focussing your grief?  

I just wanted to add my hugs and love and hope you begin to feel a little better soon

Hi LondonLass Sal,

Hope I'm not saying anything to make matters worse but I think there's nothing wrong with buying baby clothes, and you can buy those beautiful dolls online that look like newborns. I've always wanted one myself to be honest.

Also my friend works on a special care baby unit and they have volunteers who go in just to hold the tiny babies...I would like that as well. 

I will say nite nite now hope I've not said anything stupid xxx

LondonLass

I don't want to add to your grief but I couldn't sleep without letting you know that I admire you for sharing how you feel at such a difficult time. I've never told anyone about what I'm about to write before now. I hope it comes across as intended, with heartfelt understanding and nothing but love.

When I was 17 my first born son was born too early after 3 days of intense labour and many complications. Despite many attempts to get him breathing, his tiny and undeveloped body couldn't cope and I lost him. Due to the complications, the doctors said I would never be able to have any more children. To say I was devastated is an understatement. I'd wanted 4 and I'd even chosen their names. I had bought many little outfits for him and although they were never going to be worn, I couldn't bear to give them away. For 3 years I cried myself to sleep cradling them before I was able to put them away. Miraculously, I got pregnant when I was 21 and after being constantly monitored had a little girl, who was 3 days late and is now a mother herself. By the time I was 31 I'd had 5 miscarriages (all boys according to the doctors) and I lost hope of having any more children. At 33, another miracle happened and I finally had another son. Unfortunately his birth was tainted with sadness as my father died just before he was born.

I know my experience isn't the same as what you are going through. But I do know that your grief is very real and valid. Please know that my thoughts and love are with you.

Dear LondonLass,

those words are just lovely and I too think you should have a pretty box to put those special things in, with the words typed out on a pretty paper.

sending hugs xxx

Sal, LondonLass, that is so beautiful, bought tears to my eyes xxx