Recent diagnosis

Hi Terry51

a warm welcome to the group. So sorry you had to hear those 5 scary words. Nothing prepares you for that. 

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 brain tumour in Sept 2020 so I can empathise with the emotional journey you are going through. His diagnosis came as a bolt out of the blue. He'd had a funny turn while out running and got a big enough fright that he got it checked out.

Try to focus on the facts that you have been given so far. You don't say too much so I'm assuming that the doctors haven't advised the type of brain tumour etc. Please avoid Dr Google - if you listen to him you'll have yourself dead and buried before you've got to the bottom of the page. He's scary and not often accurate. There are thousands of different types, grades etc and not everything is all doom and gloom. 

Take this one step at a time. The emotions in those early days are totally overwhelming but its the strongest and most resilient among us who let these emotions run their course. It's far healthier than bottling it all up.

Everyone in this horrible situation is unique and if there's one thing that I've learned over the past two years while I've been supporting my husband its that no two folk go through the same journey. Each tumour impacts each individual differently.

We did get the doom and gloom prognosis from my husband's neurosurgeon two years ago but you know what - he's far exceeded their expectations. He's a fitness freak, (a marathon runner) and even with a terminal diagnosis he's all set to run the London marathon on Sunday and if he doesn't get a PB there will be no living with him!  So much of this journey is about attitude. He perhaps takes it to extremes...

This is a really safe supportive space so please reach out here anytime. You're not alone. There's always someone around to listen, someone who gets it, someone to hold your hand and to offer that virtual hug when its needed.

It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

I hope this has helped. I remember only too well how scared I was, as his wife, at first. 

Sending you lots of positive energy, love, light and hugs. Stay strong. 

love n hugs 

Wee Me xx

Thanks wee me.  Your words about your journey are helpful but the exact point I am struggling with is how hard and how immediate my diagnosis has hit me.  I am trying to look for anything positive going forward and am failing.  Family members are suggesting listing things I would like to do following surgery recovery but even this is proving very difficult.  Any tips and hints from others on how to achieve this will be welcome

HI

give yourself time to process everything that's going on. Don't rush these thoughts. One step at a time.  Between diagnosis and surgery, my husband was all "nothing changes" and went to work, expecting me to do the same. That was so hard in those early days I can tell you. Once he'd had his surgery and recovered, he just needed time to himself. He couldn't run so he would walk for miles. He'd be gone for hours but it was his way of coping. Since he's focussed 1000% on his running. He has also had a trip to London with our daughter, a skiing trip to France with her too, a trip to Paris with me and numerous boys weekends away with his friends. ( not sure if I should be worried about 4 men in their 50's enjoying time in a hot tub with a some whisky ....) 

I'm sure other folk will come along with their thoughts too.

You haven't said when your next appointment is but can I suggest that you write down all your questions and fears and hopes and take those notes to the appointment. These iniital appointments are so emotionally overwhelming - if nothing else the notes will help you to focus on what you need to know. There's no such thing as a silly question here either. Might help you to process some of this too.

One of my own key coping mechanisms is that I journal. Seeing the words down on the page sometimes take the power and the fear out of them. No one else needs to ever see what you write. it's quite cathartic.

love n hugs

Wee me xx